• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Main navigation

  • Blog
    • adoption & foster care
    • attachment & trauma
    • grief
    • first/birth mother
    • family
  • Contact
  • speaking

One Thankful Mom - Lisa Qualls

Honest reflections on family, adoption, foster care, and faith.

  • Start Here
  • Get Your Free Parenting Guide

Walking Through the Hard

By Lisa Qualls

How do I step back into writing when it feels like so much has happened?

My father passed away last Sunday.

It still feels hard to believe. He had a pacemaker put in March 13th and was fine until April 1st when he collapsed. I got in the car and headed to Seattle an hour after I got the call. The next day we learned he had contracted MRSA during the procedure and it was in his blood.

He was transferred to another hospital where we began the often confusing journey through medical testing, procedures, and conversations.

Russ joined me and we spent the night in my dad’s room. In the wee hours, I woke to see Russ sitting by my dad’s bed feeding him ice chips.

My dad was in pain and continued to decline, so a wise nurse offered to contact Palliative Care for us. It was a blessing to talk to a doctor who saw my father as a whole person. Our meeting with him brought relief to us and better pain management for my dad.

After ten days my dad seemed stable enough for me to make a quick trip home. I needed a little time to be with my family, get life in order, and prepare to head back.

I made the trip back over the mountains to the Seattle-area six days later. When I walked in my dad’s hospital room, he was worse; somehow, this caught me by surprise and I began to cry.

The next day we made the decision to move my dad to Hospice House. I’m telling you, this was a hard decision. At what point do you say, “We’re as sure as we can be that he won’t get better. This is not what he would want. He is dying and we want him to die with dignity in a calm environment.”

As soon as we arrived at Hospice House, we felt peace. We were comforted and supported. We saw my dad relax.

We thought we had many days to learn about Hospice and the dying process, but less than 24 hours after we arrived, my dad slipped from this life into the next – the better life, the much truer life in heaven.

My mom was with him as he took his last breath, and my sisters and I arrived minutes later. The nurse told us this is how he must have wanted it, with only my mom stroking his arm.

The family continued to gather and we spent several hours with him. We had an honor ceremony complete with stories, toasts, laughter, and singing. When it was time for the funeral home to collect his body, we walked together through the hall and out the door to the waiting van.

This was a huge stretch in being comfortable with the completely uncomfortable. I’m truly not good with death. We couldn’t have done it without the guidance and support of the Hospice House staff and we’re deeply thankful for them.

There is so much more I could say, but you can imagine the work that has piled up with me being gone more than two weeks in the last three. Not to mention, I had traveled for two speaking engagements and an attachment and trauma training in the previous weeks.

I am hunkered down at home until we travel as a family for my dad’s funeral May 21st. We’ll gather over the weekend with as many grandchildren as possible traveling to join us.

Thank you to each one of you who prayed for us and walked alongside me through this hard time with your loving comments on FB, Instagram, and in texts. I ask for your continued prayers for my mom. Thank you for being a wonderful community of friends.

With hope and courage for the journey,

Lisa

April 27, 2018 16 Comments

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Julianne Rinard says

    April 27, 2018 at 1:42 pm

    Lisa, I am so sorry for your loss. I am so glad you got to spend as much time as you did during this pro was.
    Praise God for His peace. ☺
    You and your family will continue to be in my prayers.
    Blessings

    Reply
    • Lisa Qualls says

      April 28, 2018 at 6:09 am

      I appreciate your prayers and kind words, Julianne.

      Reply
  2. Iola says

    April 27, 2018 at 2:39 pm

    You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Will see you on Mat 21st.
    Love ‘n’ prayers always, Iola

    Reply
    • Lisa Qualls says

      April 28, 2018 at 6:09 am

      Thank you for coming to see my dad in the hospital. I’ll see you soon.

      Reply
  3. Joelle says

    April 27, 2018 at 2:52 pm

    Thank you for sharing these last days with your dad. It sounds like it was a very special family time and I’m grateful you had that. I found it so helpful to tell people my story after losing dad and I hope that brings some comfort and healing to you as well. Much love is sent across the airwaves. “Now may the God of all peace comfort you. . .”

    Reply
    • Lisa Qualls says

      April 28, 2018 at 6:08 am

      I appreciate you, Joelle, and I’m thankful we’ve been able to connect over this, even when it’s hard.

      Reply
  4. Angie says

    April 27, 2018 at 11:31 pm

    Love you my friend. May you receive peace that passes all of your understanding.
    Im sure our Daddy’s have met by now and reminiscing about all their grandkids. Take care my friend lisa.

    Reply
    • Lisa Qualls says

      April 28, 2018 at 6:07 am

      Thank you, sweet friend.

      Reply
  5. Gail Atkinson (Marcoe) says

    April 28, 2018 at 3:02 pm

    Lisa, I know you only by name but our parents have been in “The Beach Group” since the 1970’s. It’s the type of friendship and bond that I can only hope to have throughout my life. May you find comfort in the memories and love you share with your family and friends.
    Gail Atkinson (daughter of Harold and Vi Marcoe)

    Reply
    • Lisa Qualls says

      April 29, 2018 at 9:22 pm

      Gail, it’s amazing to hear from you; the Beach Group has been a huge blessing in my parents’ lives. Your dad once bought my entire box of fundraising candy bars and gave them away to everyone at a gathering. I still remember being in awe of his generosity.

      Reply
  6. Sherri says

    April 29, 2018 at 6:52 am

    Oh boy do I know how you feel. We just lost my mom the 7th of March. She hadn’t been feeling well and then went into immense amount of pain. When my sister texted me saying she was taking mom in I debated going. I had 4 little kids here. It could be nothing. My husband works away. But something was just screaming at me to go. So I hopped in my vehicle and drove the two hours to get there. Best decision I ever made. 4 hours after I arrived (they figured then we might be dealing with something serious But not positive), she had a massive heart attack. My sister and I were brought into a room and recommended we make her comfortable. 29 hrs later we said goodbye.
    We went from thinking it was treatable to losing her completely on 36hrs.

    Reply
    • Lisa Qualls says

      April 29, 2018 at 9:20 pm

      Oh wow, Sherri, that’s unbelievable. I’m so thankful you responded to the prompting of God to go even when it wasn’t obvious. Many blessings to you as you walk this road too.

      Reply
  7. Vivienne says

    April 29, 2018 at 11:37 am

    I walked this journey with my mom and siblings this past summer. Praying for you today!

    Reply
    • Lisa Qualls says

      April 29, 2018 at 9:18 pm

      It’s a hard road, even when we know it will happen one day. I’m thankful for the many ways God showed up for us. Thanks for praying for us, Vivienne.

      Reply
  8. Amy says

    May 1, 2018 at 1:34 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss, Lisa. I had not heard anything from you lately, so I have been praying. Praying for you as you help your kids process this. (We have not had a close/family death to deal with since we adopted, and I am not sure what all it may bring up in our kids.)
    Praying for God’s peace, strength and COURAGE to help you though each day! Blessings and hugs to you!

    Reply
    • Lisa Qualls says

      May 1, 2018 at 2:17 pm

      Amy, just this morning I was putting on my “courage, dear heart” bracelet and the significance of it hit me. I’m so thankful for a God who journeys with us and for your prayers. Many thanks.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Mentoring adoptive and foster moms with                   practical help and hope.I serve families by providing practical tools and hope through parent coaching, marriage mentoring, teaching, speaking, and writing. As a mom of 12 by birth and adoption (and more through foster care), wife of 34 years, and a Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI®) Practitioner, I’m honored to walk alongside you as you navigate your family’s unique journey.

                I created this just for you!

Visit My Custom Amazon Shop!

One Thankful Mom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Circle manages content and time online for all devices in your home and mobile devices. Read my review here. I highly recommend it!

What to Do When Your Child Needs Help Regulating

What to Do When Your Child Needs Help Regulating

Unsettled: When New Kids Join the Family

Unsettled: When New Kids Join the Family

Adoption Triad Talk and Mike Berry on Winning the Heart of Your Child

Adoption Triad Talk and Mike Berry on Winning the Heart of Your Child

Categories

Archives

Follow on Instagram

  • It’s a wonderful thing to see my adult kids choose to spend time together. Annarose and Mimi flew to San Diego to see Beza and spend time with other family and friends.
•
Of course, Annarose made a quick trip across the border to visit friends in Mexico and enjoy speaking Spanish for an entire day.
•
#sisters #onethankfulmom #adoption
  • A friend once told me, “You know, Lisa, I don’t think God is going to let you get rid  of that blue carpet until you’re thankful for it.”
•
I’ve written some thoughts on contentment, gratitude, waiting, debt (actually, no debt), and a few words on Pinterest. I hope it speaks to you.
•
A link to the post is in my bio.

#onethankfulmom #woodfloors #contentment #gratitude #debtfree #adoption
  • I use many tools to support my family, including essential oils. I don’t sell them, so I’m not trying to persuade you - just sharing my story. From an unexpected conversation in 2010 about teens and depression to diffusing them today as I write, it’s been a gentle journey.
•
A link to the post is in my profile.

#essentialoils #depression #anxiety #onethankfulmom
  • One of our sweetest surprises ever! Zoe joined our family 2 1/2 years ago. She turned 18 a few days ago. While she may not officially be our foster daughter now, she will always be a daughter of our hearts. We’re so proud of her and excited to see her graduate this June.
•
#quallsfam #happybirthday #fostercare #onethankfulmom
  • Sixteen yesterday. She was the baby of our family for four years before we gave her four more siblings. Claire brings laughter and joy to our hearts. She’s kind, strong, and has loads of courage. This is going to be a good year.
•
#sweet16 #quallsfam #onethankfulmom
  • Nineteen years ago we were considering moving here for a job. Russ and I were exploring the area and as we drove past this house I said, “Can you imagine living there?” I had no idea we would buy it just a few months later.
•
It was a tight fit for many years, with six kids in one bedroom for a time. Eight acres gave us breathing room outside, but that didn’t help too much in the winter. There were also a few things I didn’t love. To my dismay, we still have the blue carpet in the family room I wanted to replace when we bought the house. But not much longer!
•
We’re working hard to get it ready for a wedding this July. You can imagine how much there is to do after 19 years and 12 kids.
•
#farmhouse #onethankfulmom #bigfamily #adoption

© One Thankful Mom, 2017 · Design by Sharon Hujik

Footer Logo

Facebook / YouTube / Instagram / Pinterest / Twitter