Tuesday Topic: What do We do with Anger?

This Tuesday Topic comes from Eileen who writes,

We have a 5 year-old son who was adopted from an orphanage in China 18 months ago. His transition has been phenomenal both at home and at school and 90% of the time I’d say he’s a pretty easy kid……BUT, I’m baffled at how to handle his tantrums. For the most part, they’re thankfully rare (and only happen at home, never at school), but we go through periods of time when they happen more frequently–like a few times a week.

I’ve dealt with tantrums before with our other children, but these episodes are so filled with anger that he’s like a completely different child. He’ll thrash, scream, slam doors, kick, hit and look for things to throw. Usually these are short-lived and he’ll generally follow a tantrum with doing some sort of unsolicited job for us—for example, he might make someone’s bed or organize the tupperware cabinet. Once he’s calm, we can talk about other ways he could have handled his anger, and he’s very agreeable and sweet and offers great suggestions, but in the heat of the moment (and it’s generally when he thinks something is “unfair”), communication is fruitless.

So, my question is, what should I do during the moment of anger? I’ve tried paying very little attention to it (although I don’t really think that’s what he’s seeking), I’ve tried speaking sternly, putting him in a chair nearby me (which he usually will get out of), holding him on my lap (which is no easy task as he squirms and fights), speaking words of love and affection, you name it, we’ve tried it, and I don’t feel like anything has been effective. Does anyone have suggestions?

Okay friends, what do you suggest to Eileen?  I know that as you were reading, you probably had a thought cross your mind.  Even if it was, “I have no idea; I hope somebody makes a good suggestion,” feel free to say that.  Eileen is not alone, and it’s good for us to remind her of that.  We’re all on this crazy journey together.

I am ready for some more Tuesday Topics!  Please send me any question you have and I’ll share it in the upcoming weeks.  Email it to me at lisa@onethankfulmom.com and please put “Tuesday Topic” in the subject line to help me organize my messy inbox.

Take a minute to leave a comment for Eileen; we’ll all benefit.

Encourage one another,

Lisa

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Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

20 Comments

  1. Heather Snyder
    November 13, 2012

    We've been struggling with the same thing with one of our three foster kiddos. She hits, bites, screams, kicks. Unfortunately this is ANY time she doesn't get her way or is asked to "do it again". So we go through this multiple times a day. Karyn Purvis has helped to lessen this by doing time in. I typically gently but firmly hold her arms or legs and repeat "we do not use our bodies to hurt." she still gets some pretty good whacks in though. I'm exhausted and my emotions start to run hi pretty quickly. She doesn't do this for any one else. I do make her stay in a chair and put her back when she gets out…over and over again. I do let other things go such as I let her wrap up in a blanket and she can sit any way she likes as long as she stays in the chair. I'm hoping someone gives some great suggestions b/c I could use them.

    Reply
    1. Jenny
      November 13, 2012

      We had a foster child who did the same thing! It does get better with time, consistency, and lots of positive reinforcement. We too, several times a day would hold 2 of our kiddos feet and hands as they thrashed, screamed, bit, spit… I can say that as we continued to pour life and love into them during this process by whispering truth into their little ears as they were screaming they began to believe the truth about themselves. As we worked with them to clean up their messes they began to process better ways to handle their anger. I'm happy to say the youngest little girl lives with her grandparents and is almost tantrum free. Unfortunately the transition out of our home to living with grandparents caused severe regression with our other little guy. Prior to the transition we were down to 2-3 short tantrums each week as opposed to 3-4 1-3 hour long tantrums daily.

      Hang in there. It will get better.

      Reply
  2. maggie k
    November 13, 2012

    Eileen – I so can relate to what you are experiencing with your son. We adopted our older daughter from China at age 3 1/2 – she is now 6 1/2. She had tantrums/meltdowns/whatever label you want to use – 4-8 times a day when we first got her and they lasted 30-45 mins each. It was exhausting for her and us. We found that we couldn't do much when she was in the active phase of the tantrum – she would flail her arms and legs around and if we tried to talk to her or touch her it made it much worse because she would then actively try to hit us as opposed to just kicking the floor.. So we just stayed by her and at some point the nature or quality of her crying would change. I know that may sound odd but I just know that something would change and I could hear it in her crying and at that point we could hold her and comfort her.

    Reply
  3. maggie k
    November 13, 2012

    Second part of my comment since it got too long:She still has tantrums now but they are much decreased in frequency and duration but they follow the same pattern – very physical lashing out and hysterical crying. And we still follow the same pattern – stay near by but no talking or touching until the crying changes in nature. So I really have no magic solution to the problem other than saying that they have decreased as she got older and has more English and can verbalize what is bothering her. But they are still her "go to" reaction. The only suggestion that I can offer is to make sure that your son is not also tired or hungry when one of them hits – I can sometimes derail the tantrum by offering her food or drink. But that only works part of the time. Another thing that I have used that works sometimes in Kids Rescue Remedy – you can get it from Whole Foods if there is one near you. Again doesn't work all the time but sometimes can derail it altogether or prevent the worst of it. Hang in there and know that you are not alone.

    Reply
  4. Jess
    November 13, 2012

    My son is 3 and has the same problem, only his tantrums are very frequent. We've found that sometimes some sensory input can help–bringing him to his mini trampoline and helping him jump on it helps the most. Sometimes though, we have to just hold him so that he won't hurt anyone else. We're working with a psychologist and she agrees that sometimes that is the only option.

    We've done a lot of attachment sensory work with him, and it has certainly helped. Karyn Purvis' DVD's are great for understanding some of the 'why' behind the behavior and helping a child to deal with it. These days we always have a 're-do' if our son responds with screaming. Once he's calm he has to say what he wants with good words. It has really helped!

    Reply
  5. Karen Twombly
    November 13, 2012

    We are in Nicaragua adopting a sib group of 4. The kids have been in our "home away from home" since the 2nd week of July. I have 2 kids with trantrums. One just as you described. She has been tantrum free for 3 weeks. Let me tell what I have gleaned though every child is different.
    ~I believe it is a fear response.
    ~I have learned how not to push her to that point. Though if it is random you can't do that but try to find some patterns if you can, praying to God for that revelation as He surely knows the "why."
    ~I don't to "time outs" but "time in" where I sit in the same room quietly. If I can get a word in, it is soft "I love you, Mama will wait, you are my child forever." I might sing or read the Bible. I pray, sometimes out loud. I pray for God to cast our Satan and post H
    is Angels and His Presence.
    ~If I have to remove the child from others, then I pick them up with one arm around the back to front and over the arms and one arm around the legs. There's less chance of me getting hit or kick. I gently place them in the room and sit in the room in a spot that blocks the exit.
    ~I don't make them sit in a chair, just a room. I would get kicked and punched if I did and I don't think that accomplishes anything.
    ~Then my job is to sit and wait for the calm.
    There is no sanity in the outburst, so no point in trying to instruct. One thing that helped my child was finding out there was some abusive correction in her past. We assured her we would never do this to her and listed what we would never do. She loves playing games on my ITouch. So, if she fights and tantrums that is the consequence for a period of time. For her these tantrums never occurred more than once a day so she loses those games for the day for "fighting with Mama". If I see her wind up I'll gently remind her of the consequence if she fights with me.
    I have another "tantrum girl." She doesn't physically fight but yells so loud for 20 min or more until she is completely hoarse. I think she is trying to scare me away. She yells at me in Spanish. I wait. I sometimes listen to music with headphones and wait, then we can talk. Again, we are in the same room. She will kick me if I try to put her in a chair or bed. I don't do it. I stay in the room with her.
    I prayed about what to do and through Karen Purvis and God's conviction decide to always do the "time in" where I stay in the room with her. Just last week I found out she was punished by being locked in a room alone and in the dark. So then I KNEW God was the one who convicted me to stay in the room. Without knowing, I was NOT doing what would have scared her the most.
    She is still yelling, did so just today. But I'm not giving up! It's 2 steps forward, one back! Almost 7 years of a pattern will take awhile to undo!! But God is the healer of hearts!! Keep asking for help and encouragement, above all keep praying to the One who knows every heart!!!

    Reply
  6. Maria
    November 13, 2012

    I think this question can be answered on two levels. Straightforward – which may not be of much help – keep your child safe as well as any siblings, yourself and keep any breakable things out of reach. Keep yourself calm. My experience both as a parent and as a professional tells me that once the tantrum is fullblown, there is nothing "magic" to be done.

    I know that wasn't Eileens question but I suggest looking at the bigger picture. How does a tantrum build up? What are the triggers? Are there thing that the child feels are unfair that repeatedly set off tantrums? I can often find solutions together with my adopted, sometimes very angry son with PDD-NOS if I can understand what the triggers are. Together we can find new ways if I know f ex what he experiences as unfair.

    I can go to my self when I am angry (yes it happens!) to understand this. There maybe things that f ex my husband can do to help me calm down but the cause of my anger must also be adressed, not only the anger itself.

    Reply
  7. Alyssa
    November 13, 2012

    Just want to say you're not alone and I know how hard it can be. My son is 8.5, with us 1.5 years from foster care. I am the one he takes his tantrums out on. They have gotten less as he's gotten more secure, and he does calm down a lot more quickly but I struggle because I feel like I am failing because I can't help him avoid getting to that point, and fear because he's getting older and stronger and I'm concerned about what he could actually do to hurt me or himself or someone else.
    I don't have any solutions besides time, prayer, and educating myself and him about what's going on.

    Are you in the book club Lisa started for "The Whole Brained Child"? I have gotten a lot from the first few chapters.
    We usually try to get him to his room where he does best to clam down alone, use short calm directions over and over. I am learned to see this as an undeveloped part of how he copes. Anger was all he knew and how he survived and protected himself a little kid. I feel this may be the first safe place he can get it all out. It was very hard not to take it personally or as disrespect to me at first. Now I feel more like I'm "on his team". It's still very upsetting and I feel very shaken and upset after he has hit kicked and bitten me.
    I have mixed feelings about giving consequences. One one hand, violence is not allowed in our home and he has to learn this. On the other hand, this part of his emotional growth is like a 2 year old and I feel like he needs a lot of patience and time.
    Looking forward to hearing more answers— praying for all of us and our precious little ones!

    Reply
  8. Kel
    November 13, 2012

    We go through something very similar to Eileen's situation with our almost three year old. He's been home since 13 months, but has these same anger filled outbursts which are not attention seeking, and seem to be from somewhere so deep it's as if he just needs to let all that is bottled up in him out. It's so hard to explain because when non-adoptive parents see it, they tell me he needs a spanking, but I know that is not going to help, and "bratty-ness" is not what is causing this. When I've let him have a tantrum without intervening, it will usually last 45-60 minutes. If I go to him and attempt to calm him, 10-30. So I usually do, unless my emotions get the best of me, and then hopefully hubby is home to step in. They have gradually decreased in frequency over the past two years, and if I can see one coming, I have been able to step in distract or amp up the "loving" to divert it a few times.

    Low blood sugar has often been part of the issue. He will never ask to eat, so sometimes I have to really push the snacks. They also seem to happen more on days following rough nights of sleep, of course. I wonder if it is the high salivary cortisol levels which Karen Purvis talks about. These kids seem to be often at the edge of panic, and if two things go wrong at the same time it's too much for them to handle and they go over the edge. Now that he has "more words" when we talk about it afterwards I am often very surprised at what he says the triggers are, usually very seemingly inconsequential things. So we try to contribute to that sense of safety and help him back from the "edge" as often as possible.

    Reply
  9. Kim
    November 13, 2012

    I have no suggestions either, but I'm looking forward to following this. Our youngest (almost 8, home 7 months from Ethiopia) rages sometimes once per day, and the reasons are unpredictable. He kicks, hits, throws, stomps, etc. My husband restrains him because he also tries to hurt himself. We also repeat, "In our family we don't hurt with our bodies. You are precious to us. We won't allow you to hurt yourself." After the fact I ask him if he can explain what he was feeling at the time (when I think his left brain is more involved), but he can never answer. I almost wish we had a padded room because it's exhausting for my husband, and I am physically unable to restrain him myself. Thanks, Lisa's readers, for any helpful suggestions!

    Reply
  10. Traci
    November 13, 2012

    Our oldest bio kiddo is a trauma kid (in addition we have 2 adopted from hard places) and what we did when this was a huge issue in our house was go to her room with her, lay in the bed with her and just hold her. If she was resistant then we would go to wherever she was and simply hold her. She would be stiff as a board and not reciprocate at all, but slowly, very slowly, she would start to melt into our chests. The only thing that ever works for her is holding her and gently whispering in her ear that she is loved and treasured. We didn't do this for years and years and the results of what we did do were costly, but once we realized the benefits of holding a child that we would rather punish, she healed and so did we.

    My very best to all of you struggling with this right now. I've never been through as much pain as those years brought.

    Traci

    Reply
  11. Donna
    November 13, 2012

    My oldest daughter (8, adopted from China, home for 7 years) is the one with the biggest, and longest rages. They have changed over the years, and I wish I had known more when she first came home. What I've learned works best for her is to get her into an indoor hammock swing we bought at IKEA (best investment!). Once I can get her in there, all the time she is screaming, crying, yelling at me, and just swing her and talk in my most calming-nurturing voice (which, believe me is SO hard sometimes!), she will begin to calm down. Just being with her, empathizing with her, remembering to tell MYSELF to breathe, stay in the moment, and remember this is not about me, but about her makes the biggest difference. She used to rage for 45 minutes or longer, and I would have to "clear the area" to keep her from hurting herself, me, or others. When I'm swinging her, as she begins to calm down I'm able to hold her (in the swing) and look into her eyes in a way that she won't allow me to do outside of the swing. Generally after she is calm, I'll ask her what her body needs and 90% of the time she'll ask for water. We keep water bottles always in easy access, so once she's had a drink, then we can talk about what happened, what she could have done differently, etc. Last time, on her own (which blew me away), she went downstairs, found the siblings she had screamed at and said, "I"m sorry, guys. Sometimes I just get really scared. I shouldn't have screamed/hit though. Will you forgive me?" I can often feel these "big ones" coming on and sometimes head them off by feeding/giving her a drink, getting her on the treadmill, or doing something silly with her before she goes off the cliff. I've learned that walking away from her ALWAYS makes it worse. She will tell me to leave her alone, but if I walk away she screams DON'T LEAVE ME! So I've learned to just be where she is and give words to how I think she is feeling. Sometimes it helps me to think of her as an infant, unable to say what is happening in her body.
    My 4 year old son has been home for 10 months and also rages in a similar way. With him, I can also usually trace back to how much he's had to eat/drink, right kind of sensory input during the day, how tired he is, etc, to feel one coming on. He does NOT like the swing…it scares him to be enclosed (whereas it calms my daughter). So I will keep him close to me. He will hit/kick/spit. I just repeat I am not for hurting, when he goes after me, but keep him close to me. Sometimes that means holding him, sometimes it just means keeping my body close to where he is. Sometimes that means just crawling around on the floor with him, all the time speaking in a soothing way, empathizing with how he feels, not getting defensive, or stern unless he tries to harm me or himself. We have used a specific "hitting pillow" at times.
    My other two babies (4, and 2), also adopted, have tantrums that are much less severe, are over quickly, and we rarely break connection even in the middle of them being angry (does that make sense?) It really is a contrast between the upstairs/downstairs brain tantrums.

    Donna

    Reply
    1. berjiboo
      November 13, 2012

      Just out of curiosity, do your kids all "explode" at the same time? What do you do then? Or even not having multiple tantrums to deal with, but just necessities of life. How do you meet all those needs (when they all seem to need something at the same time?

      Reply
  12. Awake, My Soul, And Sing!
    November 13, 2012

    Just this morning, our 4.5 year-old (home for 18 months) had a rage. He becomes violent, and will attempt to destory anything in his path – people, objects, the house – unless restrained. I have had to hold him for up to 90 minutes, a few times a day on occasion (but am often told by others that this is apparently typical behaviour for his age…which I don't buy…but I digress). Thankfully, it has been weeks since it was that intense, and this morning, I held him for 5-10 minutes, after which he calmed and went on with his day. Even restraining/holding is difficult, since I try to be as non-intrusive as possible, but he uses his head, his teeth, his legs, his fingernails – anything he can to try to hurt me. However, ultimately I think holding him HAS been the best approach. Initially he did not become so violent, and I continued using a bit of a time-out/separation strategy, so I could continue parenting our other two little ones during the outburst, and because that would have been his foster family's approach to somewhat similar incidents. As things intensified, I shifted to time-in (which never worked, as he would not stay in the area and/or attacked me and others). Things got far worse as he looked for more containment/support/safety from me (I think that is what was happening, and still does). During the rage, there really doesn't seem to be much I can do. I eventually started singing to him, praying over him, gently speaking soothing words to him. At his angriest, he screams back at me the whole time, calling me names and insisting that I do not love him. Other times he continues to yell, thrash, and cry without specifically addressing me. Eventually he wears himself out. I have learned that certain tones and words from my husband and I will trigger him (usually the rage begins over things we might not have realized would set him off – simple requests, etc. – but our response to his opposition is the key at times). Other times, there really does not seem to be anything we can do – I have seen it start from pretty much nothing, and it feels more like a release of pent-up frustration or angst that didn't have anything to do with the actual lead-up. Like some others have noted, once he calms, he is affectionate, cheerful, ready and willing (almost ingratiatingly so at times) to be helpful and to re-do (we also try to use Karyn Purvis' levels of response, and end with re-do and connection). To complicate things, it seems that he has a couple of "types" of tantrums/rages, which require different responses. There are the ones I have described, and there are ones in which he seems more calculated and in control of what he is doing – being quiet for periods, and then ramping things up either when someone is, or is not, paying attention to him, being very dramatic, etc. I put more effort into having him stay in time-in near me during those episodes, rather than pouring on too much interaction/touch/etc. until he shows signs of calming, at which point I nurture and re-connect. Anyway, I empathize with others in similar situations, as we week to do the best for our children and our families.

    Reply
  13. Daffodil
    November 13, 2012

    Eileen, may the Lord bless you with wisdom and comfort as you help your little one heal. There are few things harder to deal with and few things that can break a mamas heart harder than that.
    We do not have any adopted children, but this Summer my son (8) went through almost exactly what you described. It has been a result of some serious problems in the home and has made him a very insecure boy. He is the sweetest boy you could ever imagine, but when he felt that we were being unfair or he didn't understand something, he just lost all control. We tried everything when these tantrums would hit. They would last sometimes 3 hours and we were completely at a loss. We sought pastoral counselling but still could not find anything that seemed to work…until one day during one of his worst tantrums I told him that I knew he was angry and I gave him a pillow, told him to hit it as hard as he could, I gave him "permission" to show me just how angry, afraid and hurt he was.
    He hit that pillow with all his might, threw it across that floor and then ran to hide himself, sobbing.
    I then took him in my arms and said that he could never do anything that would change my love for him and that I would never love him less. I told him we were on the same team and I was here to help him and that I knew he was angry and that was okay. That we would deal with it together and that he would never be alone. After that each time he was angry or would start to get angry I would hold him in a big bear hug and say those words over and over. I would then hold him until I could feel his body relax and his breathing slowed, I would then gently let him go and the moment it would start up again I would hold him and do it all over again.
    Sometime it would take 2 or 3 hugs, other times 10-15. But it began to work and he hasn't had a tantrum in over a month.
    I really believe he needed to know that I understood his anger and that he could show me just how angry he was, but he also needed to know I wan't going anywhere and that he could never make me not love him. We did of course talk about how sinful anger is not okay and that that is something we must control and, but he needed me to see it, to know just how angry he really was. I think the emotion was just too big inside of him that he really needed me to carry it for him and to know that even at his worst, when he wasn't even trying to hold back I still loved him, loved him enough to hold him and reassure him and not get angry back.

    I don't know if any of that is helpful, but I just wanted to share that with you and let you know that you are not alone and that you are doing a wonderful job and that the seeds of love you are planting in your child will one day be the most beautiful thing you can imagine!

    Reply
  14. Karmen
    November 13, 2012

    There have already been many wonderful and practical suggestions and I don't have any personal wisdom to offer as we are still waiting to bring home 2 daughters from Haiti. I just wanted to recommend another resource that might be helpful in providing insight and ideas. From what I understand, it is very similar in philosophy to Karyn Purvis's resources. It's called Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control by Heather Forbes. My husband and I took an online parenting class with her as part of our home study and she touched on many of these issues. I'm sure I'll need to take it again when I'm actually in the midst of parenting children from hard places! She has several helpful books, an online mom's conference, live events, and her online parenting class. She is an adoptive parent as well. I highly recommend her resources.

    Reply
  15. RCB
    November 13, 2012

    Thank you for all the suggestions/advice. My 10 yr old daughter (adopted locally at 5.5 months old) has these tantrums at least once a day. They often get physical, with her breaking something, throwing something. I struggle with thinking at times, this is a result of our poor parenting – she's 10, been with us for 9.5 years. Lately she's been saying she hates herself a lot – I try to talk to her, to make our relationship/home a safe place for her to share, but she's always been very reluctant to open up about anything personal/emotional. Also, I know consistency is so vital, but what do you do when your spouse seems to be disinterested in learning "new" ways to parent our children from hard places?

    Reply
  16. Mamma Bicicleta
    November 13, 2012

    I would recommend the book "Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child, From Your First Hours Together Through The Teen Years" by Patty Cogan M.A. Ed.D. This book quite literally saved my sanity when my daughter came to us from China. I experienced so many lightbulb moments when reading this book, I don't know what I would have done without it.

    As for the post itself, I think that the child who is tantruming probably is experiencing some sort of lack of control over his environment and the problem is exacerbated by low blood sugar or whatever and a tantrum ensues. Usually when this happened to my daughter, she was then frightened by her explosion of anger, that is, the force of her own emotions frightened her and it sort of cascaded on itself growing to an even louder crescendo of screams built on anger, fear and panic. In my entire life I had never seen a child lose control of themselves like this—ever. It was unlike any "normal" tantrum I had ever witnessed. It was frightening to both me as the parent and to my child.

    I was unable to leave my daughter whenever she was in this state. It only made the level of hysteria increase if I tried to walk away. I had to stay nearby and wait it out. When her breathing was able to accommodate it, I always offered a glass of water which stimulates some sort of response in the brain and helped her to settle back down. sometimes the waves of hysteria lasted 10 minutes sometimes much, much longer. After each event I would reassure her that I would never leave her no matter what. I would ask her if that had frightened her what just happened and she always said yes. I am convinced that it was usually triggered by her perceived lack of control over her own little life and her raging out against that.

    Now that she has been with us for seven years the tantrums are, mostly, a thing of the past. We are grateful.

    Reply
  17. Anne donohue
    November 13, 2012

    I am so thankful for al of these responses.Our daughter was adopted at Christmas time and the following Christmas brought on such tantrums I was beside myself.I went to see an attatchment doctor and brought a video of one of her episodes.She explained that children from hard places feel such unexplainable heartache and chaos many times they are just desperate for control.They feel so out of control inside that they will do anything to gain control of someone.Her encouragement was to stay in the room or nearby.Periodically say you love them and will help them,but that they don't need to be in charge anymore and that iam in charge and they are ok.just be present.let them explode ,yell cry scream.make sure they are safe.but don't keep talking.they can't even really hear you when they are so upset.stay calm.walk away so they aren't controlling you.they are desperate for control..don't keep trying to talk them out of there episode.when they are calm talk with a soothing voice,and that they don't need to be in charge anymore..once she realized she didnt control me anymore they got shorter and shorter.my husband had to keep reminding me to walk away..connect after the episode.i know this will feel contrary to what you wil want to do,but my daughter wouldn't let me hold her or touch her until after anyways..I could always tell when it was coming to an end when her cry would change. 40 to 45 minutes.then we racked and hugged for a long time.

    Reply
  18. Eileen
    November 13, 2012

    Thank you so much for all of your insights and suggestions. And yes, it does help to know that others are going through, or even better, have GONE through the same things. I agree with everything that was said–often these episodes occur when our son is overly tired or hungry or when our family is out of our normal routine.

    What I take from the suggestions is that I should stay with him when he tantrums instead of sending him to his room. What's hard is that he'll often stomp off and slam the door to his room after him. When I follow him, he'll scream at me to go away. When he first came home from China, I had a translator ask him what the nannies did when the kids misbehaved. He said that they had to go to their room by themselves. I don't want his go-to behavior to be the learned behavior from the orphanage. So, I think I'll follow him and just sit quietly with him in his room. At the same time, maybe some alone time can help him calm down……and when he's alone, he can't hit or kick anyone. It's a tough call, but I'm going to try doing the "time in" that many of you described.

    Thanks again and blessings to all of you as you love your kids through some tough times.

    Reply

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