This week’s Tuesday Topic comes from Kirstine who wrote:
I have a bio son who is 3 and an adopted boy who is 10 months old. It’s a domestic adoption, and people cannot see that he is adopted if I don’t tell. But I’m very open about it because I want to raise awareness of adoption and especially open adoption in my country (I live in Denmark). I get to share our story quite often.
In the past few months I’ve been noticing the testimonies of the grief of adopted children – the loss they experience and the emotional turmoil they can go though. I recently saw the documentary “Off and Running” too, showing a young woman’s intense struggle with questions of identity, rejection and belonging as she initiated contact with her birthmother. My eyes are now open to the intensity of the process adopted children go through. They are uprooted from their birth families and planted in new ones. And that is no easy process – even if the new ‘soil’ is good, and even if it happened before they remember.
I can be aware of this and do everything in my power to love my son well. But as I share our story I soooo often witness people shaking my sons hand and saying “Ooooh, you are one lucky boy” or something along those lines. He’s too young to understand. But what do I reply to such a comment?? It feels akward because it’s not true. But I don’t know what to say – especially in front of my son.
What do other adoptive parents do when the “aren’t you a lucky boy” comment pops up?
How do you deal with comments like this and how do you help your kids process them?
I think we can have a great conversation about this! Bring on the comments.
I will be away from the computer for the remainder of Tuesday, so I’ll hold your comments and begin approving them tomorrow. I would love to see a conversation develop and I’ll try to add my thoughts as well.
Have a great Tuesday everyone. I had planned to post Honeybee’s thoughts today, but realized it was Tuesday and decided to actually follow my schedule.
If you have a question that you would like to see as a Tuesday Topic, please email it to me at:
I am happy to post it anonymously, or with your name. If you have a blog, please give me a link to it so I can share it with your question. It is also helpful if you put “Tuesday Topic” in the subject line.
See you all tomorrow!
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