Together on the Ledge

Children with difficult histories thrive on structure and routine. Holidays, breaks from school, and family gatherings generally throw that out the window. How can we help our children be successful in the midst of the celebrations?

I have a new article up on Empowered to Connect that tells the story of Christmas day in our home last year.  It was a learning experience that I hope you will find helpful. If you have a moment, I would love your feedback.

We had a good trip to Seattle including a three hour appointment with Deborah.  This time she gave me a challenge to work on with Honeybee – today is Day 1 , so far so good.  I’ll try to share more about it later.

Sweet Pea is home on break and we are organizing ourselves for baking, cooking, wrapping gifts, and all of the other fun things that need to happen this week.  Hopefully Mimi will join us for some of the festivities.

Have a great Monday, friends!

Lisa

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Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

12 Comments

  1. Amy Trouwborst
    December 20, 2010

    Love the article! What you described truly is the picture of what happens to my daughter. In hind sight I can see her starting to lose it but like you I am way to "busy" to help her. Then CRASH, there she goes and I have to pick up the pieces. I always feel like things run more smooth when I'm 3 steps ahead of Autumn. Although I feel exhausted sometimes it is worth it for her if I begin the race frist!

    Reply
  2. shonni
    December 20, 2010

    P.S Lisa, I tried to find your email, but couldn’t find it…
    do you know of any one who wells those weighted blankets? I really think I have a little guy that needs one…
    Thank You!!
    Shonni
    shassoldt@msn.com

    Reply
    1. One Thankful Mom
      December 30, 2010

      Shonni, I'm sorry for taking so long to reply to this! I know there are websites that sell them, but they are expensive. I have some instructions that I want to post, but I had some formatting issues and the post has sat in my drafts for ages. I'll try to get to it soon.

      Reply
  3. Shonni
    December 20, 2010

    I saw this article and it really touched my heart! Thank you for sharing your experiences with helping and loving your children!

    Reply
  4. learningpatience
    December 20, 2010

    Enjoyed the article and appreciate the reminder of what is ahead. Thank you for sharing your experience, so we can fine tune our coming days!

    Reply
  5. Ann
    December 20, 2010

    I remember that post as being one that was so helpful. Was there originally also something about how kids who have experienced lack of food go into meltdown mode extremely fast? Or how they can't wait for food like kids who haven't experienced lack of food? Perhaps that was another post? Thank you for taking the time to be a mentor and a teacher. Merry Christmas!

    Reply
  6. Elizabeth
    December 20, 2010

    Great article! The statement that children with a history of trauma need to eat every two hours is so true. We have seen such a difference with our son once I finally realized this. I am getting better and better at recognizing the signs that we need to feed him, but I still don't catch them all the time. I hope someday he is able to notice the signs himself and realize he needs to get a snack. For us, keeping hard-boiled eggs in the refrigerator has been really helpful.

    Reply
  7. Alicia
    December 20, 2010

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I had been feeling more and more worried about how the chaos (and fun!) of Christmas would affect out 3 yr old (who has been with us for 6 mo). I "knew" I needed to come up with a plan that would give him some breaks and consistency but I kept argueing with myself that it would just not be "fair" to inconvenience our extended family with anp times and momma breaks for a 3 yr old. Thank you for empowering me to talk to my extended family about my son's needs and (hopefully) empowering him to have a wonderful first Christmas home!

    Reply
  8. Amber
    December 21, 2010

    Thank you for that post. I am always so reassured reading your blogs and those of others parenting kids with a history of trauma/neglect. It is so nice to know that I am not alone in this! 🙂 I too, wonder how many times I "forget" that I need to feed my daughter every 2 hours! Wish it didn't take a meltdown to remind me!

    Reply
  9. tracy
    December 21, 2010

    Oh wow– I just posted about what happens to our bunch when there is a change in routine— thank you so much for this! I would love to hear how your birth children respond to all the behavioral twists and turns from your adopted children. Teaching our older ones about the special responses required for the children from "hard places" has been a challenge. They will be so much better for it– Thank you LORD!

    Reply
  10. Donna
    December 22, 2010

    Absolutely wonderful. Thank you for taking the time to write down the thought and hearts of so many of us in such a beautiful way. Sending this to a friend right now.

    Reply
  11. Margaret
    December 22, 2010

    Lisa, Thank you so much for this post. Our daughter is having so much trouble with her second Christmas here…the other night after I read your post I heated up some doro wet for her and held her on my lap while she ate…the rest of the evening was better. I have to keep remembering that this seemingly capable 10 year old sometimes needs to be babied. Thanks for your inspiration and support.

    Margaret

    Reply

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