Thoughts for Wednesday

Last night Little Man was eating ice cream at the kitchen island.  He looked at Russ and said, “Daddy when you grow up you’re going to be a grandpa.”

We laughed and laughed.  Little Man brings so much joy to our lives.  He can get some major attitude going too, but we don’t mind — unless we are sleep deprived.

****

It’s already mid-afternoon and the day has flown by.  It started early when I woke at 4:00.  I tried to go back to sleep but finally got up and began working on a project that had been sitting at the top of my list, but required more time and attention than I could manage with the kids present.

Eby’s sister asked if I would send pictures to her covering our time with him in Ethiopia until the present.  If you don’t know the story, you can read about the amazing way God brought M. back into his life.  She lives in Italy with her adoptive family and we all have big dreams of meeting one day.  We already love them, and isn’t it cool that we have family in Italy?

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I’ve been thinking about yesterday’s Tuesday Topic.  Not many of you have responded yet, but I suspect you have some thoughts or have wrestled with the same question.  Please take a moment to leave a comment — it is definitely not too late.

In our family, it is quite apparent that some of our children have special needs. I should clarify that it is not necessarily apparent to people outside our family, but for those of us living together, it is hard to miss.  For a long time I felt that I had to do everything exactly the same, treat the children identically, give them identical consequences and privileges, require identical chores, expect them to eat the same foods, and on and on.

A wise person told me he perceived a “culture of fairness” in our family that no longer worked — maybe it never really did.  He encouraged us to let it go and begin treating our children more as individuals.

Those words freed us to begin treating the children uniquely and simply explaining that every child’s needs were different as were their abilities to deal with responsibilities and consequences.  Even food could no longer be exactly the same for every child.

Since we travel great distances to Seattle to take our children with special needs to therapy appointments, it is quite clear to our other children that there are differences.  They recognize not only that some of their siblings have hardship in their lives necessitating extra help and support, but they also have extra consequences, like Five Minute  Cards.

When necessary we talk about how different their siblings early lives were and that they are still learning how to live in a family, keep love in their hearts, and feel safe.  For the most part, the other kids “get it”.

Dealing with people outside our family is another matter all together and a topic for another day.

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Eby just read the following story to me,

An ant can eat a seed.  That seed is in the mud.

I love, love, love teaching my children to read.

****

Have a wonderful Wednesday friends.

~Lisa

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Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

0 Comments

  1. Andrea
    November 10, 2010

    🙂 Lord willin and the creek don't rise, we will be in KY in May. It's the plan!!! SO excited that you may be there!!! 🙂

    Reply
    1. One Thankful Mom
      November 10, 2010

      Andrea, at the moment Russ and I both hope to be at the Orphan Summit! Hey friends/readers, is anybody else planning to come to the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit? I would love to meet you – every single one of you.

      Reply
  2. coffeemom
    November 11, 2010

    IS the summit in KY? When? Where? I'm not far from KY…would love to meet up!

    Reply
    1. One Thankful Mom
      November 11, 2010

      Coffeemom, the Summit is May 12-13 in Louisville, KY. You should definitely come! Last year was amazing – so much better than I could have imagined. Mimi's college graduation is the 14th, but we still think we'll make it. We'll probably catch a late flight home Friday evening to be here Saturday AM. It will be tight, but worth it. Let me know if you can make it, I would definitely love to see you.

      Here is a link to the Summit information: http://www.christian-alliance-for-orphans.org/eve

      Reply
  3. lori mcneill
    November 11, 2010

    I love the wisdom of getting rid of the "culture of fairness" in a family. It is so true how each member has individual needs that can't be met if we are focus on the "fairness". As always, thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight!

    Reply
  4. Joelle Holland
    November 11, 2010

    I think the whole "culture of fairness" thing brings a lot of bondage. My husbands grandmother was so into "fair" that her life was dictated by it. Once I asked to borrow a book, fully intending to read it and then return it, and it was a monumental decision for great grandma because someone else might want to borrow that book at the same time. Treats always had to be exactingly divvied out so no one would feel the unjustness of having a little less. What a bondage! Life is a whole lot happier and freer when "fair" isn't the dictator. Once when my oldest sent me over the edge whining about "that's not fair" I decided we should play fair. He didn't even make it til lunch time before he decided playing completely fair so that the baby didn't feel unfairly treated either was no fun at all.

    Reply

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