I need to start this post with a very honest statement: the visit with Dimples was so good that I don’t know whether to be thrilled or terrified. I’m thrilled because we enjoyed our time with her so much. The kids got along beautifully with no challenges. The new skills she is gaining were evident as she interacted with all of us. She exhibited self-control, even in the face of disappointment. She snuggled up in a rocking chair with me for 30 minutes before bed – and even tolerated the closeness of letting me tuck her in with prayers and hugs.
So why is all of this good stuff so terrifying? Questions race through my mind like, what if these changes aren’t transferable to home? What if the good stuff lasts for all of a week? What if the kids get their hopes up that their sister will return home and then it doesn’t work? What if even trying to bring Dimples home causes her more pain and damage? Can our family cope with more pain?
So we’re taking it step-by-step. This was her first visit with the younger siblings. Next, Dimples will come for a home visit with her primary counselor. Before Christmas, we’ll travel back to Montana again with some of the kids for a Family Friday, and a couple of weeks later Dimples will be with us in Seattle for medical appointments.
I would love to share our progress with the absolute assurance that this will all end “happily ever after.” But that would not be honest. We’re all holding our breath a little, watching and waiting to see what will happen. Even Dimples isn’t sure she can live in our family – the closeness of a family is terrifying to her.
I remind myself that God is in the process. This is not a success or failure venture – it’s about loving the people that God brings to our lives. He made Dimples our daughter nearly seven years ago knowing it would not be simple. We don’t know what our life or family will look like a year from now, but today, we move forward doing our best to bring healing to Dimples and our other children, and planning for her return home.
Whether this turns out to be a pretty story with a happy ending is not in our hands. We are called to be faithful to the life God has placed in front of us right now, and we’re doing our best to do just that.
I’ll share more about our visit soon.
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