Yesterday began with a “sore muscle” in my calf, and ended with a diagnosis of a DVT (deep blood clot), twice daily injections, coumadin, and an appointment with a hematologist. It was a hard day. More than anything I was stunned to find myself back in a world I hoped I had left behind.
I had the flu in early February and was really wiped out for a couple of weeks. I just hadn’t been able to feel good again. I wondered how my immune system was doing and if the flu might have triggered a flare of my autoimmune disorder (we still don’t know the answer to that). Then last week I noticed I had a sore leg. The pain increased and on Sunday I told Russ that I had felt this particular kind of pain before – 18 years ago when I had a DVT. I’m rather amazed that my body recognized that unique pain and knew what it was.
Regardless, I didn’t even want to think about having a DVT, and didn’t want to go to the doctor to find out if it could be true. I wrestled with it all morning, and I can honestly say that this is one of those times when I was overwhelmed by a compelling sense that the Holy Spirit was prompting me to go. I tried to ignore it, but finally called the clinic. They called me back at 12:20 to say the doctor could see me at 12:30. By 1:30 I had seen the doctor at my clinic, had labs drawn, and was at the hospital having an ultrasound of my leg – there are some beautiful things about living in a small town.
When the DVT was confirmed, I cried. I spent many years struggling with an autoimmune disorder, that primarily gave me very low platelets, but also caused clotting problems. I bleed. I clot. It seems like they would balance one another out, but it is far more complicated than that. I spent hours of every week in medical appointments, was hospitalized, had a DVT, lived on prednisone, had many blood tranfusions and treatments, had my spleen removed (no laproscopic procedure for me – too much bleeding).In the midst of it all I gave birth to four more children (six total), nursed them all, homeschooled, and Russ began his career. I look back and it is all a blur.
Then it seemed that I was finally well, until the fall of 2002 when Sunshine was nearly a year old. I hit the bottom of the platelet barrel and it was bad. The condition had become refractory – which meant that no treatment we tried was successful. We were scared. I was afraid to go to sleep at night not knowing if I would wake in the morning or if I would have a stroke and find myself unable to speak, or walk.
Then the doctors decided to try a new treatment. I remember being in the cancer treatment room, knowing darn well that I was the healthiest person there as we all sat attached to our IV poles, medication dripping into us. I was blessed. In just a short number of treatments, a treatment that didn’t even cause my hair to fall out, I began to recover. The cells that had been destroying my platelets were now themselves destroyed. I went into remission.
We tested my blood daily, then every other day, then weekly, monthly and eventually every other month. As the years went by I checked it less frequently, but at least three or four times a year. I thanked God for a normal platelet count every single time and counted myself among the most fortunate who maybe, just maybe are cured.
Yesterday Russ and I sat in the parking lot of the pharmacy (after picking up the syringes preloaded with medication) and I cried. This DVT brought all of the feelings and fears rushing back like a hurricane. One worry after another spilled from my lips. Russ finally grabbed my hand and said, “Look at my eyes.” I didn’t look at up. “Look at my eyes,” he repeated more firmly. “We do not need to worry about tomorrow, all we need to do is take care of today. One shot. One pill. We can do this.”
And we did. And today I got up and gave myself another shot, and it was fine. I’ve done this before many times (with daily heparin shots through two pregnancies), one week of shots is a breeze. I just need to sink deep into the peace that only Christ can give.
Our prayer is that this DVT is not the beginning of a long cycle of struggle. If it is, I’m going to need a lot of strength and grace. I said it myself at the Refresh Conference, there are lessons to be learned in suffering; this is not the way we would choose to learn them, but it is the way God has chosen to accomplish it. We trust completely in God’s goodness, his sovereignty over every detail of our lives, and his abundant love.
Thanks for reading, friends; this was cheaper than therapy.
Lisa
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March 19, 2013
Praying that God will bless you with a quick healing this time around Lisa. You are an inspiration to other adoptive parents that are in the trenches.
March 19, 2013
My prayers are with you. I live with cycles of health and then it being taken away. The Lord is my strength and I am grateful for the lessons he gives me the opportunity to learn.
March 19, 2013
Oh no!!! Praying for you!
March 19, 2013
The ongoing battle your family is enduring makes my heart ache for you! I am praying Gods peace and grace over you and praising Him that you have such a wonderful, strong, godly partner to hold your hand.
March 19, 2013
Oh you sweet woman!! I can't believe all you've gone through!! (((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))) I will be PRAYING for peace for your tired heart!!!
March 19, 2013
I am reading a book right now, "it all starts with food", and there is a lot of discussion in it about auto-immune disorders, and inflammatory foods. There are also many testimonies about people with auto-immune disorders clearing up after years of treatments, drugs, etc… It might encourage you. Praying for you and your family today.
March 19, 2013
I'm moved to tears with you, Lisa as I read this. Praying blessing and peace and restoration over and for you, dear friend to many. You are well loved!
March 19, 2013
Praying, Dear Friend. I totally understand. Cannot for the life of me get right with my INR… oh, well. LOVE that RUSS is a WISE MAN! And, you are human. We all need to be reminded about reality sometimes. Each day= one day closer to JESUS. And HE will provide, better than we can. I love you.
March 19, 2013
Oh Lisa…..I'll be thinking of you and hoping it's just a blip on your screen. Take some time to rest and recharge your batteries.
March 19, 2013
PRAYERS…………..
March 19, 2013
Praying for you as you bind on the armor of God's grace to fight this battle once more. May His love be ever visible as it surrounds you every moment.
March 19, 2013
LISA….oh my gosh.. I don't know what to say except I will be praying for you. LORD, some relief please for this your daughter! Lisa I know that all of us will be thinking and praying for you, so hopefully some way you can feel the love across the miles and across the computer screen. I just…am in awe of your faith. Was it just the other day on one of your posts you put the verse (Psalm 61 i think) "Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I"…praying that you dig your fingers into the ROCK and that peace and healing are yours in Jesus' name. Thank you for sharing with all of us, so we can join together and pray and send our thoughts..
Katie
March 19, 2013
Oh Lisa! How I hurt with you! I'm glad you shared part of your story, and I will be praying…..
March 19, 2013
Praying for you with tears.
March 19, 2013
We will be covering you in prayer… That a period of rest may accompany this time, as I'm sure you could use it. Praying as well, that those in your circle will rise up and walk alongside you with helpful hands and steadfast hearts.
March 19, 2013
Oh darlin'. I am sorry to hear about this, but Russ is right – one step at a time and try to keep the fear at bay. (We both know how hard that is!) I've walked many of these years with you and I am still right beside you, if only in spirit and prayer most days. Love to you all – you got this. I'll try to call this week. K
March 19, 2013
Oh, Lisa! I can only imagine all the anxiety this DVT diagnosis must trigger. Thankfully, we serve a faithful God and He will see you through. Love and prayers to you.
March 19, 2013
Oh Lisa, I am so sorry you are going through this on top of all the other challenges and stresses. I wish I lived closer and could help. Big hugs and lots and love and prayers headed your way.
March 19, 2013
Oh, Lisa. I cried. I am so sorry, and I pray with you that this will not be a long cycle of struggle. More than that, I pray for grace and strength and His glory in your lives. Hugs.
March 19, 2013
Praying for you, Lisa!
March 19, 2013
Oh friend, I'm sorry. Praying with you.
March 19, 2013
I'll pray for healing, Lisa!
March 19, 2013
Oh. Bless your heart. Praying for you!
March 19, 2013
Prayers!!!!!! Prayers for healing!!!!!!!! Prayers for peace!!!!!!!! Prayers for community!!!!!!!!!!
March 19, 2013
Thank-you for sharing. I feel your pain. I have had many similar experiences including DVTs, autoimmune disorders, melanoma, etc., and understand the anxiety and depression it can bring. I think your husband is wise, "one day at a time, one shot at a time, one pill at a time." Keep your faith and I will pray that you do. Things like this can definitely have a tailspin effect. God Bless you!
March 19, 2013
So, so sorry. I will keep you in my prayers.
Laurel
March 19, 2013
Blogging IS therapy :).
You know, I've never believed the human wisdom that, "God doesn't give us any more than he knows we can handle." To the contrary, it has been my experience that He does it routinely. Adversity keeps me at his feet, needing Him, laying hold of His mercy by faith. Otherwise, when I think I have the future figured out, I tend to try to walk there by sight…. I don't claim to know what He has in mind for you in this, But He is SO good, Lisa :). He is already right there in this story right now meeting your needs. Hebrews 11:3 says, "By faith we understand that the universe [everything!] was created by the word of God, so that what is seen [including adversity] was not made out of things that are visible [like your clotting factor or my neurons :)]." Praying for you!
March 19, 2013
I am so sorry, Lisa! I am praying for you through tears!
March 19, 2013
Lisa,
This DVT happened to me and made its way to my lungs. It ended my life for a few minutes. Obviously it didn’t “take”, as evidenced by this comment…but it was terrible for me, for my family.
You were right to catch it when you did.
I thank God that you are with us, and well enough to post this. Love you.
March 19, 2013
Praying for you for peace especially during those times when your mind goes in overdrive on the "what ifs" Blessings to you and yours.
March 19, 2013
oh, wow. i'm so sorry! i will be praying…for complete healing. He CAN do miracles!!
March 19, 2013
I have suffered with a chronic illness for 20+ years and it can bring moments of hopelessness. Russ is right of course, you don't need to worry about tomorrow and you can do it. One day at a time. Tomorrow will take care of itself. I am praying for you. You have so much light around you.
March 19, 2013
I also have an autoimmune disease – there's just a special kind of anxiety and pain that it brings, I think. I so relate to the 'guilt' of being the healthiest sick person. 🙂 Just constant prayers for you tonight.
March 19, 2013
And even through all that you made me laugh. Cheaper than therapy lol. Happy to be here.
The things God asks of us are often not easy. But then worrying is not any easier. In fact it's downright miserable. The way I try to look at things is that IF something rotten happens and I spent my time worrying about it, then I have wasted what should have been happy time, and the worrying doesn't change a thing. I think it might be even worse to worry about something happening when in reality it never does happen. That's an even bigger waste of time!
God has given you a very smart hubby. One day at a time. Sometimes it might need to be one hour or one minute at a time, but you can't take a weeks medication all at once and you can't fight the next week or year's battles all in a day either. When things look like a mess, just remember that God knows what He's doing! This is not bad luck or a mistake. God has allowed it for a reason. He loves you. There will be some reason for this. It's just that you don't know what it is yet.
All easily said. Very hard to live.
March 19, 2013
Praying for your complete healing, and for divine peace.
March 19, 2013
You do not know me, but I follow your blog. Today I was out for a walk and out of no where I began thinking about you. You had preiously mentioned that you had had an autoimmune disorder. I began thinking about your condition and health. I just sat down and read this post. I believe that it was the Holy Spirit bringing you to my mind. I will be praying for you. Praying for the peace that only God can give. Praying for health and wholeness in every way.
March 19, 2013
Lisa, I just read this and am hoping your spirits are a little better. I am sure it is a scary place to re-visit. Praying for miraculous and quick healing and peace for you and your family.
March 19, 2013
Oh my goodness. We are praying for you.
March 19, 2013
Sharing in your current grief, praying for this to be fluke rather than a constant.
March 19, 2013
We're praying you through over here. Rest in GOD'S strength. {He's made you stronger than you think}
March 19, 2013
I'm so sorry.
I'm praying.
And I'm in a very similar place. A very severe PICC infection on Saturday – something that had been my physical lifeline for the last many months and was going to be until a critical surgery could happen as soon as insurance approved it in the next couple of weeks or so – led to the discovery while I've been in the hospital that I've got multiple DVTs in my arm. So I've lost the PICC and am doing lovenox injections and coumadin also. But now the surgery I desperately need is off the table – possibly permanently, which is catastrophic, as is a new PICC anytime soon – which means I'm not going to be keeping any of this down anyway. I feel caught in a vicious cycle.
Thanks for your post and honesty (as always) and posting your thoughts – I seriously had to double take as I saw your post while I was in the hospital feeling so many of the same things. I appreciate you posting what Russ said to you – I needed that reminder. And as I'm dealing with this alone, I appreciate someone else saying what my heart and mind needed to be reminded of!
Really…know that I'm praying.
March 20, 2013
Leese, your situation is so much harder – it hardly compares. I'm so sorry for the suffering you are experiencing and I can imagine it is difficult not to worry into the future. Please know that I am praying for you now, and will put a note on my mirror to pray for you with each injection over the week. May the Lord do a mighty miracle of healing in your body.
March 20, 2013
PRAYING!!! DVT's are no fun at all! May God's healing hand touch you and bless you more than you can imagine!
March 20, 2013
May you heal and be blessed always….
your faith…will get you through….
It always does…
March 20, 2013
Praying for peace and healing.
March 20, 2013
Praying!!
March 20, 2013
I don't presume to know how God is working in your life His ways are not my ways, or yours:), but as I read your post I almost felt myself say aha…so perhaps this is why Dimples needs to be in another place at this time…so you can focus on what YOU need at this time, which would be an impossible choice and balance to keep with a season of such intensive parenting needed…I am grateful your load was lightened just enough to be able to find a place to work through this challenge. I use cayenne as a daily supplement and feel it nourishing my heart as it is absorbed, i know there is much more to it, but perhaps it is worth looking into. I also know that God is capable of mystifying medical science, and can do whatever He chooses in our behalfs, in your behalf. We love you! you are STRONG~
March 21, 2013
Praying for you. Not understanding God's timing–my goodness but I don't understand Him sometimes! LOL! But forever thankful for your faith and your humor in the midst of so much trial. Thank you for sharing your faith–praying for you multiple times every day.
March 21, 2013
Lisa, I've been reading some of your blog posts and, as a 20-years-old, I told myself "I want to be like this great woman of God when I get older".
You're an inspiration. Don't forget that. You truly inspire me with your strenght.
Sending you prayers all the way from Brazil.
Francine
March 21, 2013
Francine, thank you so much for commenting and your kind words. I have to confess, I'm really just a woman who loves Jesus and is living with small successes and brilliant failures. The Lord is using so many things to refine my life, and I'm thankful that you are helped and encouraged as I process it all right here. Blessings to you.
March 30, 2013
Wow, Lisa, a lot has happened to you while I was in Ethiopia for two weeks. You will be in my prayers for a steady recovery
March 30, 2013
Life never does slow down, does it! I followed your trip through photos on Facebook. I would love to hear more.