The 27th – and Seven Months

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It keeps happening. The 27th rolls around again, and we count another month since the accident and Kalkidan (I’ve left this sentence unfinished for an hour – what do I say – passed away, died, went to heaven?)

Yesterday as Eby and I walked along the beach, he said, “I miss Kalkidan.”

“I know Ebs, I miss her too. Sometimes I still can’t believe she’s gone.”

“It happened too fast.”

“Yes, it was too fast for all of us.”

One moment she was with us, and the next, she was gone.

I don’t know if our hearts will ever adjust. In an instant of crashing metal and shattering glass, she disappeared from the world.

I know she is in heaven and now knows only love, but some days we still reel from the shock. Today is one of them.

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.

From the ends of the earth I call to you,

I call as my heart grows faint;

lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.

I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. Psalm 61:1-4

We cling to the rock that is so much higher – we throw ourselves into the arms of love.

Lisa

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Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

15 Comments

  1. Janet
    July 27, 2015

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Reply
  2. Nathan
    July 27, 2015

    Grieving with you.

    Reply
  3. Pam H.
    July 27, 2015

    She has your smile.

    Reply
  4. jentompkins
    July 27, 2015

    This picture took my breath away! Your love for her is palpable. It still is.

    Reply
  5. Julie
    July 27, 2015

    So, so painful…. I thought the sentence ended with "Kalkidan". It made perfect sense to me. No need to add words to explain. Hugs to you all.

    Reply
  6. A Friend
    July 27, 2015

    We were not created to know such loss and separation. It wasn't in God's original plan for his people. Like adoption here on earth, salvation through Christ is a redemptive "plan B" but it's brought me comfort in the long, hard nature of grief to know that since this isn't 'supposed' to be in our experience, OF COURSE it's shocking 7 months, 2 years, 10 years down the road. Our hearts weren't wired for this.

    Reply
    1. Ann Hodgman
      July 31, 2015

      Agree. And the suddenness of the loss–I'm not sure the brain can ever "accept" it. Prayers ascending.

      Reply
  7. lucylou99
    July 28, 2015

    Love and prayers… There just are no words.
    Cindy Mc

    Reply
  8. Joelle
    July 28, 2015

    Prayed for you yesterday. I heard a song on the radio I wanted to link to but couldn't find it on youtube. It talked about the comfort that can flow from a person who has had to endure very hard things. I'm sure you would rather have Kalkidan than grow thru this very difficult time–my heart hurts with you. I hope your Whidbey Island time is healing.

    Reply
  9. Angela
    July 28, 2015

    Grief… so very hard!!! After one year, I feel like things started getting a little easier…. I think of your family often!!

    Reply
  10. Elizabeth
    July 28, 2015

    Please know that people still care about you. Even though Kalkidan is not as fresh in their minds as yours, we still care about you. Here is a gentle hug thru words.

    Reply
  11. Abrianna
    July 28, 2015

    You will adjust to her being gone because there is no other choice, but you may never adjust to how fast it happened, and that is okay. My mother died 15 years ago this December 7th from cancer. It was six weeks from diagnosis to death, and I have realized that I will never adjust to the shock of how fast it happened. There are things in life you don't "get over" and this is one of them.

    I too hope Whidbey is a great place of rest for you all.

    Reply
  12. Sharon
    July 28, 2015

    Praying for you tonight.

    Reply
  13. Tracy Autry
    July 29, 2015

    Dear Lisa, we were on Whidbey Island driving to Zachs and Anneliese's wedding, Sunday the 28th, when I got a text from a gal telling me of your accident. Started praying then and still pray for your family. Praying this time on the island is a respite and filled with JOY. What a magical enchanting place Whidbey Island is! I understand your feelings of wanting to stay there a year or 10! ❤️Tracy

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      July 29, 2015

      Tracy, thank you for your prayers then and now. Maybe one day we'll be here at the same time; although we might have more success connecting when you come visit your son in Pullman.

      Reply

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