She is Free

Kalkidan painting

I was sitting in a middle seat, fighting air sickness, the bane of my travel existence. I put in my earbuds, hit play, and a worship song began streaming into my ears that I had never really listened closely to before.

On the day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
and forever I am free

Kalkidan – she is free. I could almost see her, light, joyful. Tears began trickling down my cheeks.

He Was There

windfall pass

Last week I wrote about my fear of driving past the site of the accident; thank you for extending grace to me as I process my grief.  I was carried by your prayers and the Lord met me in such a sweet and powerful way.

My plan was to go a new route in order to avoid the curve in the road that changed our lives forever. As Russ left for work, he pulled me close, wrapped me tightly in his arms and prayed over me. I was ready.

I headed north on Highway 95, thinking about the roads I always take and how well I know them. I wished I could go that way, but I needed to protect myself from seeing that fearful place.

Soon I was at the turn-off for the new route, and I surprised myself by going right by. I could have changed my course, but in those brief seconds, I didn’t. I’m not sure why. I drove on, my mind racing as details of the accident surfaced.

I prayed continually as the miles went by; I told the Lord that I was afraid. In a rare moment of clarity, he spoke deeply into my heart, “I was there.”

Christmas Ornaments and Culinary School

DSC_0056

I went to bed last night knowing that today would be the 27th, eight months since the accident. I know I’m not exactly attracting readers to my blog by writing more about grief; I told myself – once a week at the most – but I can’t do anything else today, I just can’t.

Thanks to my phone chiming at 4:30 with a text from a wrong number, I woke from a bad dream and crawled out of bed. Wrapping a sweater tightly around myself, I crept downstairs and hit the button on the coffee maker. Mercifully, I had set it up the night before. Now I’m sitting in my favorite spot, coffee next to me, a heavy weight on my chest.

Yesterday I was looking through pictures for a post as Eby peeked over my shoulder.

Sometimes Lightning Strikes

image: public domain
public domain image

On Hannah’s last day at the beach, we took a long walk at low tide. Strolling along the tide flats, we searched for beach glass and admired the beautiful houses on the far end of the bay. As we walked, the wind picked up and the sky grew darker.

My sister, Laura, and her family were staying down the beach, so they walked out to join us. We talked, admired the kids’ shells, and enjoyed the morning. To our surprise, we heard thunder in the distance. No big deal, we figured, at least it’s not raining.

Then the sky grew darker still and lightening shot across the clouds. We decided to head back to the house, walking quickly. As we chatted, one of the girls said, “Mom, your hair is standing up. Does mine look funny too?” We looked at each other and laughed at the static electricity in our hair; Hannah and I took a picture.

That Hipster VW Bus – it's Just Not Worth It

VWbus
publicdomainpictures.net

 

Yesterday I saw the cutest young family in an original, restored VW bus. The mom and dad were probably in their late 20’s and they had an adorable little girl. I watched as the dad opened the back of the van to pull out a backpack and the mom unbuckled their little one from her seat. Dad put the child in the backpack and lifted it onto mom’s shoulders. They were affectionate, happy, and adorable.

But my heart was heavy watching them. I knew it was none of my business, but I wished I could offer them some advice. I didn’t – but when Russ walked over to me, I got a little weepy as I told him what I wished I could say.

The good news is that I have a blog, so although I couldn’t say this to them, I can write it here and maybe it will help someone else.

That Hipster VW Bus – it’s Just Not Worth It

VWbus
publicdomainpictures.net

 

Yesterday I saw the cutest young family in an original, restored VW bus. The mom and dad were probably in their late 20’s and they had an adorable little girl. I watched as the dad opened the back of the van to pull out a backpack and the mom unbuckled their little one from her seat. Dad put the child in the backpack and lifted it onto mom’s shoulders. They were affectionate, happy, and adorable.

But my heart was heavy watching them. I knew it was none of my business, but I wished I could offer them some advice. I didn’t – but when Russ walked over to me, I got a little weepy as I told him what I wished I could say.

The good news is that I have a blog, so although I couldn’t say this to them, I can write it here and maybe it will help someone else.