We had a therapy appointment yesterday and I was reminded that it is time for an update on EMDR therapy. I think we’re making progress…. I hesitate to even say it, because these things are slow moving, and the road to healing is hilly and winding. Yet, there seems to be a little more ability to cope with challenges. It’s been good having Hannah home because, after six months away, she can see it more clearly. She commented that while we still have daily, and sometimes hourly, challenges, they don’t seem to get quite so extreme.
I’ve been asking myself why the decision to transfer Dimples to a new school has been so hard for me. I had such a strong emotional response and I know it is wrapped up in all kinds of things, but as I cried and talked it through with Russ, it became clear to me that this represents a letting go of the appearance that we are “almost okay.”
I mapped out my weekend with a large tablet and favorite pencil. The list was long, but not completely unrealistic. It got off to a good start – kids slept late, Russ made coffee, we worked on our laptops side-by-side, stopping to talk every five minutes or so. By the time the kitchen filled with children wanting breakfast, I was satisfied with what I had accomplished and felt optimistic about the rest of the day.
Then it happened. We began a rapid, downward descent into the dark place our family has come to know.
Everyone has “big feelings.” As parents, we begin helping our children cope with their feelings from the time they are tiny. They learn that feelings don’t last forever and that parents can help them calm themselves. Remaining in control while coping with “big feelings” is a challenge for all kids, but especially for children from “hard places” whose needs were not met, whose parents did not comfort and soothe them, or who felt so unsafe that the “big feelings” never really calmed at all.
5 O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them. Psalm 40:5
#961 – 1,000 giving thanks
healing that only comes from God
the comfort of His love and the knowledge that we are walking the path He has placed before us
Russ by my side for every flight, every day, every appointment
Tomorrow is the last day of our therapy “intensive” at The Attachment and Trauma Center of Nebraska and our last day in Nebraska. We are very sad to see it end. Our appointments begin early in the morning (I’m writing this Thursday night), so we had to say goodbye to our wonderful friends who hosted us all week. Dimples was so sad to say goodbye to them. It’s been special for her to be the oldest child and have the younger ones look up to her and admire her.