Speechless

It’s been strangely quiet at A Bushel and A Peck, and I’m not quite sure why, except that I have honestly been very busy, and very tired.  Unfortunately I woke up at 3:15 this morning, and kept staring at my clock, knowing the alarm was going to ring at 5:00, which made it even more difficult to go back to sleep.  I worried far too much, then prayed, then – sad to say, I worried some more.  I finally got up at 4:40 when I knew sleep was not going to come.

I am still processing some of what we heard at the conference and thinking a lot about our children and how to help them heal.  Beyond that, I’m contemplating how to bring healing to our entire family from all that we have experienced the past four years.  There are so many children, young and grown, who need us, really need us, to give them our best.  As Karyn Purvis would say, we need to “give them voice.”  Their needs must be acknowledged and met to the best of our ability.

As much as we all hope that our newly adopted children will blend seamlessly into our families, they bring their own histories with them.  Some of them come with significant trauma in their short lives, and no matter how much we love them, hold them, feed them, and try to make them feel safe, that history must be considered and we may need to invest a huge part of ourselves in helping them process it.

I feel sad just writing that.  The suffering that young children experience is sobering and weighty, but we have the amazing opportunity to come alongside the children God has placed in our families and be present with them in the midst of it.  We may not have the answers, but we can look in their eyes, hold them close, and tell them we are with them.  We may even cry with them, I certainly have, and we may wonder if that is okay.  Afterall, we are the parents, we should have the answers, but sometimes we just need to love them like Jesus would love them — then we need to work hard to find the help our families need.

I have so much more to say, but time is up.  I wish I could sit down over coffee and talk with you – maybe we would laugh, or even cry a little bit.  We could share our hopes for our children.  We could pray.  Know that as I press the “publish” button on this post, I will be praying for each one of you who is striving to bring healing to your children.  You are not alone.

Have a wonderful weekend, friends.

Lisa

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Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

13 Comments

  1. PastormacsAnn
    April 15, 2011

    Thank you, Lisa.

    Reply
  2. Donna
    April 15, 2011

    I am hearing so much great stuff from everyone who attended the conference. Can't wait to see some of it online.
    I too cry over the pain the kids carry with them and the pain it still causes.
    Knowing God is full in control and has a wonderful plan is where I try to keep my eyes.
    Praying with you for our kids from the hard places.

    Reply
  3. Dawn
    April 15, 2011

    I hear you! It is hard to realize and to figure out sometimes what to do to bring the most healing. PRAYING FOR YOU!!

    Reply
  4. Mama D's Dozen
    April 15, 2011

    Right there with you.

    Would LOVE to meet for coffee sometime.

    🙂 🙂 🙂

    Reply
  5. Giann
    April 15, 2011

    My prayers are with you, my friend!!

    Reply
  6. Heidi
    April 15, 2011

    Lisa, I am working the night shift now for child victims of sexual slavery here in Arizona (I think I mentioned that already) – at any rate…I will be lifting you and your family up in prayer tonight. Beautiful post.

    Reply
    1. Kathrin
      April 16, 2011

      Praying for you and the children.

      Reply
  7. Shonni
    April 16, 2011

    Thank you for sharing your heart!

    Reply
  8. Kathrin
    April 16, 2011

    Oh have I had such nights. I would love to sit and talk to you.

    Reply
  9. Charity
    April 19, 2011

    i left the conference feeling quite exhausted as well, partly because the opportunity to talk to another mom who'd come with me and could really relate to my life and thoughts and struggles meant we weren't sleeping but talking 🙂 and partly because it is work, soul work, which makes us step outside our lives and really look at them and how we are reacting, and what we are actually saying and what they are hearing…and the work we do to heal ourselves and walk the path Christ has offered, so we can show them how to walk it for themselves…all of that is work…and it wears you out faster the more children you have to think about. my dad (of 12) used to tell me he'd sleep when he was dead…i smile now as i realize how much sleep is on the altar, a sacrifice to the goal of healing families.

    Reply
  10. charity
    April 19, 2011

    I also wanted to comment on the thought of being with someone in pain…it was a concept i first heard years ago from a home birth midwife, who was teaching the husbands the value of being able to SIT WITH their wives while they were in pain, and the need for them to not try to fix things, but to meet another person where they were. To be supportive, and loving, and longsuffering, so the person in pain would feel safe, loved, and empowered to do their own work through the pain. i have often thought of that lesson, as we had various children who went through seasons where only mom could console them…and i have decided it had more to do with my presence in all areas of their lives, even when they were in pain, and not just the fact that they were conditioned to want to nurse:) there is a great connection there when we can sit with a crying child and cry with them and not be afraid of that raw emotion. it is one more thing that makes us a safe person for them.

    Reply
  11. Polly
    April 26, 2011

    I'm always astounded by the beauty and honesty of your words. How blessed your children are to have such a Proverbs 31 woman that they call "Mom"
    xxoo

    Reply
  12. laurajonesjournal
    April 28, 2011

    Lisa- your words always resonate with my heart! I have been to the empowered conferences, read all the books, purchased all the dvds, started a support group with my girl friend, and… the one thing that really helps and brings hope for me is that WE ARE NOT HOME YET! THIS IS NOT OUR HOME! Praise God! Have you read Larry Crabb's book called Shattered Dreams? It's excellent ,a must read in my opinion! Blessings as you press on! Eyes up on Jesus!
    Laura

    Reply

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