Rockin' Mama Update: 28!

Today marks my 28th day of rocking Honeybee! We began on December 20th, so clearly, I didn’t manage to rock for 28 consecutive days, but we carved out the time every day we both were home and there was even a sliver of time to rock.

Our 15 minutes have often been taken up with Honeybee talking, she is an 11 year old girl after all, and she has lots to say.  Because we’ve worked hard to have our time alone, she has told me more about her life at the orphanage, about her friendships, and other memories.  It has been precious.

At one point during the Challenge I wasn’t feeling well and didn’t have the energy to hold my big girl and rock.  She accepted lying down on the sofa next to me and talking.  Even last night I was so tired that we snuggled up on the love seat rather than rock and it was a very nice time.

In addition to rocking Honeybee, I’ve tried to rock my other four younger children when I can.  The other day I asked Eby to come rock with me.  He said he didn’t want to sit with me, but he came over to the rocker,  turned his back, and perched on the edge of the seat between my knees.  I reached out to pull him up on my lap and he squirmed out of my arms, and sitting again on the edge of the chair.  I told him that I wanted to rock him while he had some milk, which I offered to him.  He took the cup, but refused to sit on my lap or even lean back against me.  I put my hands on his shoulders and just sat quietly while he gulped down his milk.  Then he hopped out of the chair as quickly as possible.

I share this because I know that many of us have children who avoid touch and are resistant to affection.  Is it a sensory problem?  Is it an attachment problem?  I’m not sure that I can tease them apart.  I just accept that Eby is still learning how to accept touch and affection and some days are better than others.

Just last night he snuggled up against me, his head resting on my shoulder while I read the Bible to him.  We’re slowly finding our way.

Have a great Friday everyone!  If you haven’t joined the Rockin’ Mama Challenge,  it is not too late – just last night another mom joined us.  You may not be able  to rock for 28 days before the Challenge ends, but what matters most is that we love our children and give ourselves fully to their healing process.

Lisa

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Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

0 Comments

  1. Emily
    January 28, 2011

    If you don't mind my asking, how does Honeybee feel about the time ending? Are you going to continue to try to do so regularly even now that the official challenge is over? (I work with the HeadStart program as a home visitor for families with 0-3 year olds, and we often speak to our parents about the value of touch- I used you as an example one time!! :-))

    Reply
    1. One Thankful Mom
      January 28, 2011

      Emily, I know she would like it to continue at this level, but she knows it has been hard to accomplish, especially trying to be alone in a house of 11 people. It's tough! I know we'll continue rocking and I think the deeper connections we've formed will remain.

      Reply
      1. sara
        January 29, 2011

        I'm curious (since she knew that it was a 28 day challenge) how you explained it to her. Did you tell her that you were doing an experiment or did you just say that you wanted to rock with her for 28 days to get closer to her? I'm curious for nothing more than curious sake. 🙂

        I just signed up as well… my son is 5 and I'll start today so that I can get as much in before you close this. I think it will be interesting to see how different children in different circumstances will respond, as well as how different mama's do things/feel things. thank you for sharing with us. thank you for challenging us. i think we all need to be reminded that kids grow SO quickly and our time with them really IS short and sometimes (okay, a lot of times) it's hard to remember to hang on – especially in the thick of it when you'd give nearly ANYTHING for them to be able to do at least SOMETHING for themselves! At least that's how it is at my house!

        Reply
        1. One Thankful Mom
          January 30, 2011

          Sara, your comment is very timely as just last night Honeybee and I had a long talk about the Challenge and I realized she really didn't understand that I couldn't go on rocking at that level indefinitely. I need to write a post about it! I'm so glad you joined the Challenge and hope you and your son benefit as much as so many of us have.

          Reply
  2. charity
    January 28, 2011

    that is really the challenge, isn't it? to give ourselves FULLY, to healing, to our children who are just working their way through growing up, to our husbands, to our families, to our God.

    Reply
    1. One Thankful Mom
      January 28, 2011

      Charity, yes, it really is. Some days I yearn for a life that is so much simpler, but I know Jesus has a purpose in this life He has chosen for me. I don't want to miss out!

      Reply
  3. learningpatience
    January 30, 2011

    It's official, I am a Rockin' Mamma flunkie! I only rocked once this week; instead I found myself caring for another family who needed my attention and putting out a couple fires that had started when I wasn't looking.

    The worst part: I did notice a huge difference in the behavior of the child I had been rocking. Made me so sad.

    I'm hoping to hop back into the swing (or rock) of things this week.

    Reply
    1. One Thankful Mom
      January 31, 2011

      You are not a flunkie! I had to go away in the midst of our Challenge, but we picked up where we left off and we still reaped the benefits. Jump back in!

      Reply
  4. Phyllis
    January 31, 2011

    I wanted to let you know that I just found your blog on Thursday of last week. I have been on here for the past 3 days searching through your posts and gleaning a lot of help. I have been sharing it with my husband as well. At the time that I read your posts about the Rockin Mama challenge, it had been a very difficult day with a particular child. I thought that would be something that I needed to do for my child as well as for myself. I want to let you know that we did it last night for the first time (Sunday). My husband was unsure that a boy would want to do this, but I assured him that he would. That boy just came in a moment ago and said he would like to rock again tonight if I wanted. The two of us have had a rough time attaching to each other.

    This is turning into a book so I will wrap it up. But thank you so much for the wisdom you share on here. It has truely been a blessing from the Lord that He directed me to your blog.

    Reply
    1. One Thankful Mom
      January 31, 2011

      Phyllis, yes, even the boys loved to be rocked. It is wonderful that you jumped right in — thank you for joining us in the Challenge.

      Reply
  5. Dawn
    January 31, 2011

    OK so here's the deal….I have been doing this, but when I tried to join- my internet blocker refused the page 🙁 I have been doing it though….and posted about it on my blog Saturday 🙂 LOVE this honesty it really helps me.

    Reply
    1. One Thankful Mom
      January 31, 2011

      Dawn, I can add you tonight. I'm sorry it isn't working for you; I haven't heard that from anybody else.

      Reply

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