My hand was in his, on New Year’s Eve, as Russ prayed words of hope and encouragement before dinner. I was listening and praying with him, when I realized that the words of my heart were also spilling out. My heart was praying, “Lord, please have mercy on us. Lord, please be gentle with us.”
As I wrote on my Instagram post New Year’s morning, “It’s a brand new year, friends; I’m hopeful and just a little afraid. What will this year bring? Whatever it is, I’m confident that Jesus will be with me in every breath and ever moment. I’m asking the Lord to please be gentle with us.”
This new year comes with apprehension. The worst has happened, and we have lived through it, and maybe we’re even a little stronger than we were before. But I don’t want suffering to come upon us again, at least not suffering like this.
I can say with Job, “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him,” I do trust Him. He is a good father and I know he loves us, but frankly, I don’t want to be slain. I don’t want to suffer, grieve, or have my life stripped away in a moment.
So I cry out for mercy, I beg for kindness, and I lay our lives in His loving hands.
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I press into God, beginning each morning with New Morning Mercies: A Daily Gospel Devotional, followed by reading the Word. This year I’m following The Bible in a Year reading plan on the She Reads Truth free app. Please join me; we’ll be so glad we started our mornings this way. I’m yearning to organize my days in ways that draw me closer, and the Bible is a good place to start.
I don’t know when I’ll stop being afraid every time my kids get in the car, or each time we round a curve bearing hard to the left, or every day when I see snow and know that somebody I love has to drive in it.
Grief is a long road, and we’re walking down it with as much grace as we can. Some days we’re weak and do a rotten job, stumbling along, kicking up rocks, and stepping in puddles. Other days we walk with grace, as if it is a smooth path.
I love this,
In your most brilliant moment, you will still be left with mystery in your life; sometimes even painful mystery. We all face things that appear to make little sense and don’t seem to serve any good purpose. So rest is never found in the quest to understand it all. No, rest is found in trusting the One who understands it all and rules it all for his glory and our good.
New Morning Mercies, January 2.
Can I trust him enough to simply walk with my hand in his, not peering down the road at every curve or looking back over my shoulder?
I’m trying, I really am, and I know that is enough today.
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