Planning a Visit

Easter 2009

Our first visit with Dimples is coming up fairly soon.   This visit will be for us to spend time with Dimples in the cottage getting to know the staff and routines, having a family therapy session, and immersing ourselves in her life there.

Each Monday we have a phone call with Dimples followed by a call with her therapist each Wednesday.  I also get emails several times a week, so we’re in touch frequently, which is reassuring. This, however, will be the first time we’ve seen our daughter in over a month.

As the visit grows closer, Russ and I have been nervous about what the staff’s expectations are, what they want us to do, where we’ll spend our time, etc.  Dimples’ therapist assured us that they will send us a schedule for the visit so we won’t be left guessing.  Does this remind you of anything?  I smiled to think how similar we are to our children who need schedules and routines to feel secure.

Truth be told, Dimples doesn’t want us to visit. The cruel nature of attachment disorders is that she will do all that she can to keep us away, both physically and emotionally. It’s terrifying to trust somebody enough to attach to them and receive their love.

The only way to heal is to press through this pain, not only hers, but ours. It’s going to be messy, and even ugly at times, but we’re going to give it all we have.

Lisa

 

 

 

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Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

21 Comments

  1. Mary (Owlhaven)
    February 20, 2013

    Praying God's peace for all your souls during this visit….
    Mary

    Reply
  2. Jessica
    February 20, 2013

    I'll be praying for you. Even if she doesn't WANT you to visit, she NEEDS you to visit. Love your heart for your kids.

    Reply
  3. mamitaj
    February 20, 2013

    Praying for you, my friend.

    Reply
  4. Giann
    February 20, 2013

    I'll be praying for you, your husband, and Dimples during this time.

    Thank you for sharing this journey with us.

    Reply
  5. Paula
    February 20, 2013

    I agree with Jessica. Praying for you all.

    Reply
  6. Deborah
    February 20, 2013

    My thoughts and prayers will be with you even more than normal when I see your facebook/blog updates that you are headed that way.

    I laughed too at the irony that I would soooooooooo need the detailed itinerary to feel secure in what was going to happen. ( I HATE SURPRISES!)

    You are so strong my friend – soooooo much stronger than I could be. I'm not sure I could force myself to go face the rejection that RAD will inevitably bring. I admire your strength and courage.

    Reply
  7. Kathy
    February 20, 2013

    Our daughter did NOT want us to visit either…but now says she learned we cared by visiting. Wish I could say we are on the other side of the attachment issues, but it's not true. Learning to muddle through what it look likes parenting 'adult age' children that have not attached. By God's grace, it's a day by day journey. We pray for healing and we are hopeful it could happen one day.

    Reply
  8. Tamara
    February 20, 2013

    Lisa, We are experiencing the same thing with our daughter, Only a few months ahead of your family. Our Daughter is diagnosed with RAD and Bi polar Along with FAS. We are now seeing major break throughs after 4 months. We have asked God to surround her with his truths and his people in a very secular world that some of these programs can be. And I will tell you GOD HAS BEEN SO FAITHFUL! From Christian therapist ,Doctors and Staff she has been surrounded and prayed for. She also did not want us to visit and It is scary and sometimes awkward but I want to give you hope that it will get easier and better. Our daughter has even started to put her hands up a little when we hug her! That is a huge step. She is now communicating that she is a little homesick, also a huge thing as that means she is having feelings. I don't want to take over your post, just want to give you hope from one sister to another! And to remind you that OUR GOD HAS GOT THIS! We are praying for your family!

    Reply
  9. Coffee mom
    February 20, 2013

    Praying for this visit!

    Reply
  10. Emily
    February 20, 2013

    Love you friend.

    Reply
  11. Acceptance with Joy
    February 20, 2013

    May God give you all peace and surround you with his love and give you patience to see the fruit in due season. Prayers for her healing.

    Reply
  12. Carrie
    February 20, 2013

    Praying that it will go just according to God's plan for her healing and your healing. I can honestly say I would be just nervous in general, schedule or no. So, am with you there in spirit.

    Reply
  13. kristine
    February 20, 2013

    Praying for all of you. Yes, schedules are good things to rely on, when our hearts are overwhelmed.

    Reply
  14. SMORE STORIES
    February 20, 2013

    Lord, I pray that you will work in Dimple's heart to chisel away at the wall that has been built by her past. We believe whole heartedly your plan is for her to be a part of the Quall's family, and we trust your promise for redemption in this little one's life. I ask that you would give Lisa and Russ peace that surpasses all understanding and please help them to feel and see your Hope when they visit Dimples. We also lift up the staff and therapist where she is at, that you would do a mighty miracle through them and their work with Dimples. We all love this family dearly and trust your plan for them. Amen!

    Reply
  15. Janell
    February 20, 2013

    I want to encourage you to go with a wide open heart. I just got back last weekend from a visit with our daughter we re-homed. The visit went better than I could have ever anticipated. While our situation is miles from yours, I do wish you a fraction of what we experienced which was healing, hope and answered prayer.

    Reply
  16. SleepyKnitter
    February 20, 2013

    I so admire your courage! Courage often doesn’t “feel” like what we think courage would be when we read about someone else moving forward with courage, but not “feeling” it doesn’t make it something less than courage. May God bless you and Dimples as you each prepare in your own way for the weekend to come.

    Reply
  17. Scooping it up
    February 20, 2013

    praying for you all. brave, all three of you.

    Reply
  18. Joelle
    February 21, 2013

    Praying. My heart is with you.

    Reply
  19. erika
    February 21, 2013

    Praying for the 3 of you during this upcoming visit.

    Reply
  20. Sadee
    February 21, 2013

    Praying!

    Reply
  21. Maple Walnut Mama
    February 22, 2013

    Sending prayers and healing wishes to your family.

    Reply

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