More on Attachment and Bonding

The girls playing with their dolls earlier this week.

Today I received an email from an experienced mom of 13 that had many gems of wisdom about attachment and bonding:

Re: suggestions for keeping expectations realistic and for attachment/bonding:

Remember that hard isn’t wrong.

Remember that the child you’re struggling with may be the child that cares for you in your old age.

When you cannot view a child as “your precious child,” view them as “God’s precious child” and love them accordingly.

Remember that you yourself are an adopted child of your Heavenly Father, and as such, you have significant attachment issues yourself.

Speak blessings; thank God aloud, in their presence and regularly, for the incredible blessing each child is and for the fruit you see in their lives.

Ask God to help you notice behaviors that are important to Him and not notice behaviors that are not important to Him.

When you look at your children, smile at them.

Remember, it is not over, until it is over.

Julie B. (mom to 13)

I have had a challenging day and feel that I have poured most of my time and energy into dealing with one child. It is discouraging, but like Julie said, “It is not over, until it is over.” We have a long way to go, but we are still going; we are pressing on and loving in the midst of struggles. I’m going to take a deep breath and look forward to Russ arriving home for dinner.


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Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.


  1. Pajama Mama
    January 6, 2009

    I’m sorry you had a hard day, but what a great email! Thanks for those reminders…I am praying that God will bring to mind those gems at just the right moments in my parenting.
    Thanks for all your encouraging posts,

  2. Renee
    January 7, 2009

    What a Word from God!

    Will be praying your day and your heart is filled with blessed peace.

  3. erika's funny farm
    January 7, 2009

    Thank you for this and the other post on attachment. Since we just arrived home Christmas night, we are in the midst right now. I am the “rejected parent” for now, but I celebrate when she gives me spontaneous kisses and hugs. I just keep reminding myself that this is not unusual, and we will get through it. But there are some days when it just wears me out. Blessings to you and your little ones.

  4. this is us
    January 7, 2009

    Oh – what a welcome post! Avi and I have had some setbacks since all of the non-routine of Christmas break. I know it will look different after a couple of back-to-normal weeks, but some days are hard!

  5. Beverly
    January 8, 2009

    very wise words indeed!

  6. Audrey
    January 8, 2009

    What wonderful wisdom! I am at that stage in our adoption where I have read SO much worst case senario that I am a bit worn down by it. I know that I need to be prepared and so I keep learning.

    How many times my Heavenly Father must say about me – ‘that child really has some attachment issues!’

    Thanks Lisa (and Julie!)


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