Little Man asked, “Mom, when will you take me to Ethiopia to see my mom?”
“I don’t know, but we want to take you some day.”
“Okay, I miss her. I want to go back and live with her.”
I’ll admit, it pained my heart just a little, but I’m pretty certain this means we’re doing a good job of loving our son, honoring his Ethiopian mom, and promoting secure attachment. He feels safe enough to tell me that he wants to go live with his mom in Ethiopia. This wasn’t said with high emotion or with intention to hurt, it was simply what he was feeling in that moment, and he knew he could tell me.
Little Man became our son when he was just under five months old, and sometimes he still misses his first mom. He worries about her because we only hear from her on rare occasions. It’s been over two years since her last email and I worry about her too – wondering if she is still alive, if she is safe, if she is well.
There is a deep bond between a child and his first mother and I want to honor that with all of my children who came to me through adoption. Being a birthmom myself gives me unique insight into this complex relationship. My oldest son and I have stayed in touch over many years of an imperfect reunion. There is no such thing as forgetting and moving on.
My questions to you: Do your children talk about their birth families? How do you support them? How do you deal with your own emotions?
This is emotionally complex stuff and we would do well to support and encourage one another.
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