Let it Go?

I had a problem yesterday with the way something was handled with Dimples; I was irked and I felt justified in my “irkedness.”  I called Russ to tell him just what I thought, and do you know what he said?  “Let it go.” I’m the queen of not letting things go when I feel something is wrong – which is good when it has to do with justice, defending the weak, etc. But when it comes to simply defending my own feelings, that tenacity is not beneficial.

“Let it go?” I replied, “Really?” And do you know what my husband of 29  years said? “It’s going to do you no good to think about it or deal with it in any way. The intentions were good, just not in line with how we would have liked it to be handled. No harm was done.”

It was a small thing that had happened, but it hurt me – and just like my kids, when I feel sad, I look mad. And frankly, being irked and a little mad feels so much better than just letting the tears come.

I’m telling you – it is so hard to let somebody else parent your child. It feels terrible to me, even though I know it is the best thing for Dimples and our family.

But Russ is right.

I really do need to let it go and put my energy where it is needed. It’s amazing the endurance it takes  to be mad. How much better for me to make a healthy snack for the kids, get organized for Little Man’s baseball game, or even begin planning my next visit to Montana to be with Dimples.

We are only given so many hours in a day, and our energy, both mental and physical, can only be spread so thin. We need to use it for the glory of  God, for the work He gives us, and not for the things that just irk us. It’s essential to know when to press and stuggle for something, and when to lay our own personal injustices down. Sometimes we really do need to let love cover it.

It’s a good thing I have level-headed, slow-to-anger husband – opposites really do attract.

How about you? Do you have a hard time letting things go?

Don’t forget to enter the drawing for a $1,000 SpaFinder gift card – it would go a long way toward a wonderful day with your daughters or some other women you love.

Lisa

 

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Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

26 Comments

  1. Paula Miles Spears
    July 9, 2013

    Oh, Lisa… we are SO much alike! I'm going to file Russ' comment in my brain to trot out next time I find myself in the situation of tending to my feelings when it isn't beneficial. It's so hard for me to back down. So. Hard. Hugs, mama.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      July 9, 2013

      Paula, I hear you – I think tenacity is a gift, we just have to use it well. Hugs to you too.

      Reply
  2. Dawn Flatness Wright
    July 9, 2013

    WOW!!! I totally feel you on this! Yes, it is very good opposites attract! ;).
    Letting go……not one of my gifts, but I do try!!! Thank God He is not done with me yet…….

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      July 9, 2013

      Amen, Dawn. We just keep learning, even if it is the hard way.

      Reply
  3. Heather Snyder
    July 9, 2013

    So true. I stare at my kids and think, we talk about this feelings thing every day, all the time….how come they can't get it. Then God slaps me in the forehead by allowing me to react the exact same way they do. Oh boy!

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      July 9, 2013

      It's amazing what we can learn from our kids – isn't it? So humbling!

      Reply
  4. Chantelle
    July 9, 2013

    Same here. Also blessed with a husband who is relatively opposite and brings some balance! Thanks for sharing your human-ness. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      July 9, 2013

      Chantelle, I have to admit that I didn't like it one bit when Russ said it, but he knows me well, and he definitely brings balance to me.

      Reply
  5. Carla Akers Craig
    July 9, 2013

    This has become my motto over the past few years…not easy, but freeing and allows God to work as needed

    Reply
  6. MommaFoster
    July 9, 2013

    "We are only given so many hours in a day, and our energy, both mental and physical, can only be spread so thin. We need to use it for the glory of God, for the work He gives us, and not for the things that just irk us. It’s essential to know when to press and struggle for something, and when to lay our own personal injustices down. Sometimes we really do need to let love cover it."

    Amen! So much truth here. Praying we can both do that today.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      July 9, 2013

      Glad to know you understand!

      Reply
  7. texaspiglets
    July 9, 2013

    Hi, I'm new to your blog, but I love love love what you said in the post. I think yesterday may have been a universal day for "letting it go" being said by 1 spouse to another spouse. What a timely post!

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      July 9, 2013

      Welcome! Thanks for the comment and saying, "Me too."

      Reply
  8. Kimberly Bock
    July 9, 2013

    His Grace is new every morning. I like that. Our babies… they need grace twice a day during summer we decided. Nothing like adopting 3 to learn mercy and grace. We have a buffet bar of happiness we set up… where twice a day when my husband comes home and the kids that have skirted time out get to enjoy the fruit of their hard work (3 TINY pieces of Target candy) and the others get a grace and mercy reset for the afternoon. Everyone else in the world that just needs 1 reset per day looks like a rock star to me… must be all these kids from hard places. 😉

    Reply
  9. Tammy
    July 9, 2013

    Exactly, what I needed to hear today….

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      July 9, 2013

      Thanks,Tammy.

      Reply
  10. Lisa Qualls
    July 9, 2013

    These things are so hard, Laurel! I'm praying for your family right now.

    Reply
  11. Emily
    July 9, 2013

    I copied this from another blog just last night,

    "Just because someone is “wrong”… doesn’t mean you have to spend hours of time (or even just a few minutes) correcting him. More often than not, that’s wasted time that would have been better spent tucking their point of view into the files of your mind so that you might pray to understand more than to be understood."

    Ouch.

    Love you!

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      July 9, 2013

      Ooooo….that is good. Thanks for sharing that with me, Emily.

      Reply
  12. Traci
    July 9, 2013

    I am trying so hard to "let it go". Sometimes just keeping up with what is coming my way keeps me focused on the problems. It is amazing to me that at the end of every "irk" are tears. I am not strong enough for this work, but He is. Now, to get that info from mind to heart….

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      July 9, 2013

      We aren't strong enough, wise enough, or even loving enough, but you're so right – He is. Thankfully He strengthens us, gives us wisdom, and supplies our hearts with the love we need. Thanks for the comment, Traci.

      Reply
  13. Donna
    July 9, 2013

    Oh you so hit me on the head. This is just what I have been dealing with. Better to let it go than deal with anger and its friend bittterness.
    I left you a message on facebook–will be in town tomorrow if you are around for a visit.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      July 9, 2013

      It sounds like we'll have lots to talk about!

      Reply
  14. B from NC
    July 9, 2013

    When I feel irritated and angry I remind myself of a line from an e.e. cummings poem -called Ash Wednesday, "teach us to care and not to care." Hard to get there but this is a good reminder to me.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      July 9, 2013

      I haven’t heard that before – very nice. Thanks.

      Reply
  15. Jill Samter
    July 23, 2013

    So thankful for husbands who love us through the "irks" in life and show us that sometimes letting go is not only best but also the right thing to do for all involved. Sending hugs and prayers as you continue to walk out this journey with your family!

    Reply

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