Just a Note

September 2014
September 2014

I don’t often post short bits here, most often they show up on my One Thankful Mom Facebook page, but today I’ve felt sad all day long. Maybe it’s because yesterday’s post was hard – and maybe because I wonder if people think we’re crazy to have done things the way we did. I don’t know. I remind myself that it’s okay to be different – I’ve pretty much embraced that my entire adult life.

Claire’s puppy and I are spending lots of time outside wandering our property. Her needs don’t allow me to spend too much time in introspection, which I suppose is good. I’m also reading puppy books as quickly as I can and I’m becoming a big fan of the Monks of New Skete.

Neither Russ or I are sleeping well, which I know makes everything worse. On a more positive note, I’m being reasonably faithful to my PT regimen, which hurts, but is also making me stronger.

At this very moment, I’m listening to the recording of Sovereign Over Us from the memorial service. It’s my very, very  favorite.

…Even what the enemy means for evil
You turn it for our good
You turn it for our good and for Your glory
Even in the valley, You are faithful
You’re working for our good
You’re working for our good and for Your glory

Your plans are still to prosper
You have not forgotten us
You’re with us in the fire and the flood
You’re faithful forever
Perfect in love
You are sovereign over us

You can hear Isaiah and Annarose sing it on my One Thankful Mom Facebook page (look down the left side), or you can listen to Aaron Keyes in this lovely acoustic recording.

I hope your day is going well, friends. Annarose and Claire are home now and I can hear the piano. The boys will be home in an hour, then we’ll press into homework, play, dinner, Awana, and youth group.

It is well with my soul – it really is, but it still hurts my heart.

P.S. I just rediscovered the photo at the top of this post and I love it so much it makes my heart squeeze in my chest. Kalkidan looks so happy and notice how relaxed her hands are on Little Man’s shoulders. I need to hang it on my wall.

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Lisa

This post may contain Amazon Affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

35 Comments

  1. Christall
    April 15, 2015

    I just want you to know that I think of you and pray for you every single day.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 15, 2015

      Christall – so good to hear from you. Thank you for remembering us and holding us up to Jesus.

      Reply
  2. Luann Yarrow Doman
    April 15, 2015

    I love the way you did things. So honoring to Kalkidan and so mindful of everyone's needs.
    Praying that God Himself will encourage your heart and give you great joy in the midst of great sorrow.
    Also praying that the messes that little puppy creates are few and far between.
    (As an aside, I have a malti-poo that is 9 years old. She is super cute but must rely more on her looks than her brains to get by. Yesterday my 4-year-old said to me, "Mom, if we work together, maybe we can make Lucy smart and she can do tricks." Oh the limitless possibilities in a child's mind! #WishWeCould #NotGonnaHappen)

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 15, 2015

      Luann, thank you for encouraging me and for making me laugh! I needed that.

      Reply
  3. Becky H
    April 15, 2015

    Lisa you are a beautiful, loving mom. I pray for rest for you and Russ. And I pray that God would minister to your hurting heart with His love and peace. I love that I got to spend a weekend with you, getting to know you and seeing, first hand, your love for your family. Kalkidan was blessed to be your daughter.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 15, 2015

      Thank you, Becky. I'll always remember that retreat as the last time I spoke before our lives changed so much. I remember standing in front of the ladies during a breakout and getting totally choked up over how well Kalkidan was doing and what a miracle the Lord was performing in our family. That is a sweet memory for me.

      Reply
      1. Becky H
        April 15, 2015

        Every time I drive past that outlet mall, I am reminded of you and I say a prayer for you. That weekend is a sweet memory for me too.

        Reply
  4. AmyE
    April 15, 2015

    I have been heartbroken over your loss but yesterday's post was the first time that I have cried … no sobbed … for your great loss. When my mom died many years ago, I remember someone saying there is no right or wrong way to grieve. I believe that is true. You simply wake up and do the next day. And miraculously over time, there is healing. Thank you for always sharing with such sensitivity and authenticity. Your posts are always good reminders to pause and say a prayer for all of you.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 15, 2015

      Thank you for weeping with and for us, Amy. It's so true, we just keep getting up each day and doing what the Lord places in front of us.

      Reply
  5. emily
    April 15, 2015

    I'm thinking of you faithfully. I've commented so little on your posts lately, but I read and pray for your family. Wishing you well, and wellness in time.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 15, 2015

      Thank you, Emily.

      Reply
  6. darci
    April 15, 2015

    oh Lisa, praying. Please know that you will be daily in my prayers. darci

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 15, 2015

      Thank you, thank you, thank you, Darci.

      Reply
  7. KEB
    April 15, 2015

    Lisa – thank you so much for sharing. I have to say that I think you and Russ did exactly what was right for your family. No one can know what you were (and are) walking through and everything you have done is with the love of your entire family at the center of your thought process. You and your family are an inspiration and are constantly on my mind. The grace of your family is amazing.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 15, 2015

      Our kids have been amazing through this – I had no idea my older children would rise to the occasion the way they would – such a blessing. Thank you.

      Reply
  8. Kayla
    April 15, 2015

    Isn't it weird how those inner voices of doubt just pop up and sometimes you are not even sure where they are coming from? As someone already said, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. You have been so brave in sharing your experience.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 16, 2015

      It really is, Kayla. Thanks so much for reminding me that I don't need to listen to those voices of doubt.

      Reply
  9. Michele
    April 15, 2015

    Praise be to God for being able to turn the schemes of the enemy for our good, and for his own purpose and glory….Awake and praying through anxiety and fear tonight. The lyrics to this song are such a comfort. Continuing to pray for you and your family.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 16, 2015

      I love this song and find so much comfort in it. I am praying for you right now, Michele.

      Reply
  10. Penelope
    April 16, 2015

    Oh, LIsa you are such a beautiful person. Thank you for all your writings, even in the deepest, hardest moments, you are beautifully real and solidly grounded in your faith. You speak truth and life. Thank for this offering to us all. The Lord is using you dear sister, the Lord is every word you pen.
    Much Love,
    Penny

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 16, 2015

      Oh Penny, I don't feel at all worthy of that, but thank you for encouraging me so much. Some days I wonder if I have anything left to say; I'm glad you think I do.

      Reply
  11. Joelle
    April 16, 2015

    The essence of that song is what I have prayed for your family for many years. I believe the pain will give way to great glory. I like how you said it is well with your soul but your heart hurts. I love reading what you write because it reveals a little bit of what is deep in my heart that doesn't find expression very often. Thank you for being a voice for many.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 16, 2015

      I think that song is my life anthem. I love hearing from you Joelle.

      Reply
  12. Christine
    April 16, 2015

    We buried our son who miscarried in the front yard. It was the right place for him to be. I don't think you were crazy to do things the way you did at all. It is a good place for her, and I'm glad you didn't let the fear of what other people would think stop you.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 16, 2015

      Thank you, Christine. I'm glad you made a good decision for your family too.

      Reply
  13. DFNY
    April 16, 2015

    Hi, Lisa. Think of you often and continue to pray for you. I remember this beautiful photo–tugs at my heart as I see the joy in the faces of all your children, the way it was and the way it should be now. So hard. Thank you for continuing to share your life with us. Don't be afraid–no one is judging, just wanting to bring you comfort as you do us.

    Damaris

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 16, 2015

      I really am comforted by all of you. Thank you for walking along with me Damaris. Blessings to you.

      Reply
  14. Michelle
    April 16, 2015

    Agree, you are so brave. Oddly when I wrote the note to you on your last post, I truly wanted to say how beautiful I thought the plan was with burial but got lost in fear to say the wrong thing. Wish I could appropriately express the level of impact your vulnerability has had in my life. You mentor me without knowing me. 🙂 Just a note on that song. God has radically used you posting that song with a young lady with severe trauma I am like a surrogate mom to. Thank you!

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 16, 2015

      I'm so glad that song is ministering to the young lady you know, and so many other people. I've asked Isaiah and Annarose to record it for me and I'm hoping they'll get to it before summer plans send them around the world. I'm so honored to mentor you in this small way, Michelle.

      Reply
  15. MommaFoster
    April 16, 2015

    I've listened to Sovereign Over Us dozens of times in the last few months. It is my very favorite too. My five year old calls it, "The song Mommy really likes." I think of you and your family often, and continue to pray for you all.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 16, 2015

      It's such a comforting song – especially in the acoustic version (for me). Thank you for continuing to pray for us.

      Reply
  16. Elizabeth
    April 17, 2015

    Through your blog, you were the one who first introduced me to this song. It was during a very difficult time for my family. I shared it with them as a sort of anthem during that season. We have crept on the other side of that season, but what all has happened will never disappear. This song has an even deeper meaning to you all now, I am sure. It is beautiful, so tragic, still beautiful. The Father walked among us as Jesus, but even that wasn't close enough. He now lives inside of us, the ultimate close proximity. May you sense this closeness in every fiber of your being.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 17, 2015

      When I fell in love with that song, I identified with it in terms of our struggle with our kids and striving for healing and peace in our family. Now, of course, it doesn't have even deeper significance. I'm so thankful for Jesus.

      Reply
  17. Tisha
    April 20, 2015

    I stand in awe with full respect for the way you've handled everything. I've thought of you many times while I'm out walking, admiring your unwavering faith – I wish I had that. Your openness to bare your soul and share your story is a testament to your desire to make the world a better place, allowing us to all share in your sorrows and your joys. You are one of the most beautiful people I've ever met, inside and out. I'm so glad to know you. Even in your pain, you continue to touch and bless lives. Lots of love to you.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 20, 2015

      Tisha, thank you. I have such fond memories of speaking at Passion for Orphans with you – we sure did a lot of crying. Good thing it wasn't recorded. Blessings to you, friend.

      Reply

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