It’s a Crying Shame: Part 2

It’s a Crying Shame Part 1 | Part 3

Thank you for every single, beautiful comment on yesterday’s post.  Shame is a powerful topic because it is an emotion we all experience at times. It seems to come in abundance for some of us as we mother our children.

In our struggle to help Dimples, Russ and I wondered, “Why can’t we fix this? Why can’t we help her?  Maybe we’re not the parents we think we are.”

I wrote yesterday that, according to Brene Brown, shame needs three things to survive: silence, secrecy, and judgement.  Shame is diminished, and even doused, when we come together in empathy, saying “Me too.”  So many of you said, “Me too” to yesterday’s post; the words you shared were beautiful.  I want my blog to be a place where we can be honest about our challenges and joys as we parent our children and as we journey through life.

As I prepared my talk for Refresh, I found myself reading Romans 5:3-5 and it grabbed hold of me.

…Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Isn’t that beautiful?  Hope – our hope in Christ – does not put us to shame.

As I sat sipping coffee in our local co-op contemplating these verses, I decided to see what some really smart people had to say about them.  So I began reading online commentaries, when I stumbled upon this in the Matthew Henry Commentary.

Though we are counted as the offscouring of all things, and trodden under foot as the mire in the streets, yet, having hopes of glory, we are not ashamed of these sufferings. It is in a good cause, for a good Master, and in good hope; and therefore we are not ashamed. We will never think ourselves disparaged by sufferings that are likely to end so well.

That took my breath away. There I was sniffing back tears, reading a Bible commentary in our very funky co-op. I’m pretty sure nobody at the other tables was crying over an ancient theologian. Here is the beautiful truth, our sufferings are in a good cause, for a good Master – our Lord Jesus, and in good hope.  Therefore we should not be ashamed.

If God has called you to suffer in your adoption/fostercare journey, you need not be ashamed.  You are a servant of His.  He chose you for this task, and while it may not look the way you hoped it would, your life and the lives of your children, belong to him.  Remember that we serve a good Master.  He has his hand on every aspect of your life, and your sufferings, “…are likely to end so well.”

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Lisa

 

This post may contain Amazon Affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

14 Comments

  1. Mary (Owlhaven)
    February 14, 2013

    My fave version of that verse says, 'Hope does not disappoint'. One day when my daughter and I were having a terrible time together, I was led to share that verse with her. Hope in Jesus is never disappointed, even when we are asked to walk through tough times, even when the people we love disappoint us, even we we disappoint ourselves. Our hope is in the Lord.

    Hugs,
    Mary, momma to many, including 4 from Ethiopia and 2 from South Korea

    Reply
  2. Marissa
    February 14, 2013

    I learn every day more and more how a Biblical perspective is vital to my continuance on this journey. Without it I find myself dead in the water. This is a great verse. I know I'm going to cling to it often throughout the years.

    Reply
  3. Marlene
    February 14, 2013

    Lisa – I often find your posts to be just the thing I need to hear at just that particular time. What is so beautiful about it all is that you write the thoughts and feelings that many of us can hardly bear to say out loud. You give us community, which is what we need more than anything. Thank you from the bottom of my heart on this Valentines Day. Feeling part of this community of amazing and truth-telling moms (and I'm sure a few dads too) gives me great strength in our pursuit of wholeness in life and in Christ.

    Reply
  4. Julie
    February 14, 2013

    The life of ease is deadly to the development of character. Ironically, the life of ease we most want to have is the very kind of life that would make us the people we least admire. "Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." I Cor. 1:9
    I love this reminder…I appreciate you. My husband and I adopted 3 bio siblings from Haiti 3 years ago…and the road is often bumpy. God bless you as you blog transparently for the glory of Him who sent you!

    Reply
  5. AmyE
    February 14, 2013

    Tears flowing … "If God has called has called you to suffer in your adoption journey …. " True words, but ones I don't want to admit … that all of the pain and struggle on this journey is God's calling on my life. I believed that he called us to adopt, but to also believe that he has called us to suffer because of the adoption … Thank you for your words, your openness, they have been a lifeline more times than I can count.

    Reply
  6. Debbei
    February 14, 2013

    Love your blog. I don't think I would have recognized that my daughter was just not strong-willed, but also had some attachments issues, if I had not read some of the books you recommend. I think I have learned as much from what you post as I do from the comments of others!

    Reply
  7. Hannah Jasmine
    February 14, 2013

    This is so beautiful. So poignant. So applicable for all walks of life. Thank you.

    Reply
  8. Katie Patel
    February 14, 2013

    Oh my!! This is powerful stuff. Thank you so much for sharing….and thank you God that you are the author and perfecter of our faith….even when we want it to take a different path or feel different. Learning so much through you, Lisa!

    Reply
  9. Katrina
    February 14, 2013

    Thank you!!! is all I have energy for right now, and somehow I know you can appreciate that 🙂

    Reply
  10. Debbie
    February 14, 2013

    Absolutely beautiful. Thank you.

    Reply
  11. angie
    February 14, 2013

    Beautiful and perfect timing. My hubby just left with all kids and I was savoring the silence and then overcome with guilt thinking of the 7 year old who asked to stay home and I said no you need to go with Dad. I opened your blog and there in a beautiful package was a gift of Hope wrapped just for me. In way more ways than you can imagine. Thanks Lisa

    Reply
  12. nancileamarie
    February 15, 2013

    Amen! Love this. Thank you.

    Reply
  13. SleepyKnitter
    February 15, 2013

    I am not ashamed of adopting, just of how deeply I fail with each of our three (four!) treasures.

    But I do find comfort both in the verses you posted and in the Matthew Henry comments — I think I will have to print both of them for my quiet time notebook (ah, another source of shame — parenting children from hard places can make it difficult to make that daily quiet appointment with God).

    Reply
  14. Sara
    February 19, 2013

    Thank you, thank you. I needed to hear these words, scripture and encouragement. Sometimes letting go of what you think your life will look like and giving into God's is hard. It's tug of war with God.

    Reply

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