In Search of a New Rocking Chair

It’s Monday and life is picking up right where I left off – homeschooling, emails,  dishes, laundry.  While Refresh is intended to refresh the parents who come, I’m not sure that the same is true for the speakers and all of the people who make it happen; I have a conference hangover!  I take full responsibility for the headache which is the result of not getting enough sleep, but I wanted to have as much time as possible with Isaiah and our friends.

I have lots to write about and things I want to share from my talk and workshop.  Today, however, I am reduced to the simple thought that I need a new rocking chair.  The “ugly chair” finally fell apart and is sitting in the garage awaiting the dump or possibly a trip to a college student’s apartment.  Once we got it out of the family room and replaced it with a chair that had been in the living room, the space looked so nice.  But after a week or so, we all realized how much we miss having a big, comfy rocker.

Rocking our children is therapeutic for them,  and for us.  The rhythm of rocking, the closeness, and time spent together, are all very calming and promote attachment.  The little boys loved to be rocked and even our girls who are tweens/teens, will rock with us.  They might not want to sit on our laps, but we can squeeze in side-by-side if the seat is wide enough.

I’m in search of a new chair and hope to find one that is just right for rocking my children and filling their hearts with love.

How about you?  Do you use rocking to promote attachment?

Have a great Monday, friends.

Lisa

 

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Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

0 Comments

  1. Paula
    February 11, 2013

    Well I needed a smile today, and this sentence provided it "… sitting in the garage awaiting the dump or possibly a trip to a college student's apartment." LOL, because they're sort of interchangeable sometimes, right?

    Reply
  2. wilmahatcher
    February 11, 2013

    I never had children with attachment issues. We shave three biological children and one adopted when he was 10. We had many problems that needed to be addressed, but overall he accepted us as we accepted him. This was in 1983 and many of the techniques and diagnoses were not available at that time. We had much help with Christian counselors and wonderful loving friends who accepted him as we did. We know that God wanted him in our family and we have been very blessed by him.

    I agree that a rocker is necessary in any family with children whether small or bigger. We have several in our home. I am 71 and have a lift chair. Our grandchildren love to get in it with me and "go for a ride!" Our youngest grandchild is 7, but it's never too late to "cuddle" even if they won't fit in the rocking chair!

    I don't comment often, but check your blog every day and pray for you and your family.

    Reply
  3. Jessica
    February 11, 2013

    Lisa, Check Groupon. They often have a 50% off for Mor Funiture and they have a HUGE selection of big comfy rockers. No, we don't use a rocker–I wish we did. The kids love them at grandma's house, but we live in a very small townhouse and rockers require a big footprint. Our only seating is a huge sectional/chaise.

    Reply
  4. Tricia
    February 11, 2013

    We rock our adopted twin 8 year olds to promote attachment. They LOVE it and want us to sing lullabies while rocking as well. We've been doing it since they arrived a year ago and we're amazed that they still ask for it… so we keep rocking 🙂

    Reply
  5. Joy
    February 11, 2013

    Yes, I do use rocking and our chair is falling apart! 🙂

    Reply
  6. SheriQ
    February 11, 2013

    OH, yes…we rock & rock. My son in nearly too big, but I love that he still wants to crawl in my lap & "snuggle, mom…I need snuggles." My daughter (2 1/2 at homecoming) will ask to "be the baby." That's a sure sign she's overwhelmed & needs some one-on-one rocking.

    Reply
    1. Kelly
      February 12, 2013

      My little guy tells me "I need some snuggles" when he's overwhelmed, but prefers to lie side by side on a certain blanket. He also likes to be swaddled in his towel after a bath and rocked.

      Reply
      1. Lisa Qualls
        February 12, 2013

        It's great you're finding what works for him, Kelly.

        Reply
  7. Joelle
    February 11, 2013

    I don't hav a rocking chair anymore with all grown kids but my daughters still like to sit next to me during movies and have a head rub 🙂 I don't think we ever get to big to benefit from cuddles!

    Reply
  8. Courtney
    February 11, 2013

    Love the idea of rocking, but it has only caused huge fights and blowups. However, my boys love being burritos aka swaddled, so we do that at bedtime.

    Reply
  9. Emily
    February 11, 2013

    I love that picture of you and miss Bee.

    Reply
  10. Carrie
    February 11, 2013

    In our 5 years of revamping, renewing, overhauling our parenting … We have rocked our way through some sweet, hard and quiet times with our older adopted kiddos!! We now have a rocker in our room for the kiddos who don't want to be in the public place of the front room while we try to regulate. Arms, and legs of big kids dangle as we rock, my legs often fall asleep from the weight on them… But rocking has changed our hearts and bonded our family in new ways.
    Just the other day my 14 yr old enjoyed a quiet chat and a rock with me… Seems crazy to some but it's a gift that I can give that doesn't need a now or words… Just the slight rocking motion back and forth! Rock on Lisa!!

    Reply
  11. Anne Thompson
    February 11, 2013

    Decades ago, I test-rocked a love-seat rocker at a La Leche meeting. Back home, I called my mom, and told her it was just what I needed for the toddler and baby. The very next day, mom and her good rummage and antiquing friend went out exploring and found a rocker, a not-too-big one that fit in our living room. We had that rocker for 11 years, and it was used every single day. It was the perfect thing, to be close to both little girls and rock them both. Thanks for the memories! Do stores sell such things these days?

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      February 11, 2013

      Anne, that sounds brilliant. It is just what I need! I'm going to search around…I hope I can find one I can afford – it's probably not too likely. Then again, God does amazing things!

      Reply
      1. Emily
        February 11, 2013

        Ooh, I have friends who have a love seat rocker. I'll ask them where they found it. It'd look cute in the living room.

        Reply
        1. Lisa Qualls
          February 11, 2013

          Yes, ask them. I'm thinking in the bay window in the family room – then the girls can finally replace the old loveseat in their room with the one currently in the family room. We'll just shift furniture around…

          Reply
          1. Emily
            February 11, 2013

            I was picturing it in the bay window too… cuuuuuuteeeeee! It would be so perfect for you guys.

          2. Laura
            February 12, 2013

            And the love seat in the girls window can move to a college apartment!

          3. Lisa Qualls
            February 12, 2013

            That loveseat is not even worth of a college apartment!

  12. Brenda T
    February 11, 2013

    All the time!

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      February 11, 2013

      Way to go, Brenda!

      Reply
  13. angie
    February 11, 2013

    We are big time rockers (7 kids and 2 grand-only 1 of them not a rocker). Two years ago we remodeled and got new furniture. We ordered two rocker recliners one for mom and one for dad. Day or two before they came i found a old fashioned chair for cheap that matched our old 1920 craftsman. I cancelled the order for my recliner. I have regretted it every since. Everybody wants dads chair or to sit with dad. I say go for the loveseat rocker…maybe craigslkst

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      February 11, 2013

      Good advice, Angie. I'll check Craigslist.

      Reply
      1. Nancy
        February 11, 2013

        We have also used a rocker to promote attachment. I believe I have rocked my most attachment challenged child more than I have rocked all 5 of my other children combined. God used the rocker to give back all the snuggling time I missed when she was a baby.

        Reply
        1. Lisa Qualls
          February 11, 2013

          That's great, Nancy. I think a rocking chair is essential for kids from "hard places" and wonderful for all kids. Thanks for the comment.

          Reply
  14. Sharon
    February 11, 2013

    My youngest (age 5, home 8 months) and I have had a bit of rocky road of attachment-wise. However, he surprised me last month after his birthday party by ASKING me to rock him. I couldn't believe it! Somewhere deep down in there he likes it and it calms him. We'll keep on rockin'.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      February 11, 2013

      That is fantastic, Sharon. I think it is such a deep and familiar feeling in our children's memories and it comforts them.

      Reply
  15. Teresa
    February 11, 2013

    We have one son who really benefits from our rocker. I stumbled on it by accident, when I noticed it really seemed soothing to him and helped him calm down. He has always loved cuddling and although he;s now 12, he will readily come for a rock when asked. I think for him it's more of a sensory issue thing, but is also great for connecting with him about how he's feeling about things. This same child also spends a lot of time holding and cuddling our guinea pig and did the same with our dog before he went missing. Happy rocking chair hunting – a garage sale might be a great place to find just the right rocker.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      February 11, 2013

      My friend may have found one on Craigslist for me! We'll see. I'm glad your son still likes to rock, Teresa. Thanks for the comment.

      Reply
  16. Kohana
    February 12, 2013

    I use a rocker with our foster son. Physically rocking seems to be his only coping mechanism for regulating his emotions. I am trying to help that need also become a bonding opportunity by holding him and rocking him. It really helps him calm down.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      February 12, 2013

      That's great, Kohana. Rocking is so soothing.

      Reply
  17. Gina
    February 12, 2013

    We looove our rocking chair too. Went to refresh and loved your and Isaiah's talk. Can't wait for it to go online. But in the wait, can you email me the quote that Isaiah said about beautiful people and suffering?

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      February 13, 2013

      I'm glad you liked our talk – thanks so much, Gina. I'll ask Isaiah about the quote and post it on my blog.

      Reply
  18. Pat J
    February 13, 2013

    Another viewpoint just in case you have kids who don't like to rock : ). While I LOVE my rocking chair and rocked daily with my babies by birth, my adopted children ages 3 and 5 at the time did not enjoy it. They didn't find it soothing or comforting. I was disappointed and sort of at a loss because this is what I was accustomed to. To my kids adopted from Liberia, it was strange and uncomfortable, they screamed. I had to do something different so I put my tiny 3 yr old I put in an Ergo carrier which we had purchased for traveling and wore him on my background the house. It was like magic he calmed and often slept there. This is what he was used to and how we bonded.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      February 13, 2013

      Great suggestions, Pat. I had an Ergo for my boys as well, and they loved it. You're right that not all kids will like rocking – it's good to look for other ways to calm and connect.

      Reply
  19. Lindsey
    February 13, 2013

    I have 2 adopted kids, one with attachment issues and we love to rock. I am not adopted and my mom rocked me until I was probably 10! Even now rocking helps me regulate myself. Funny how those early years matter so much!! That one thing gives me so much compassion for my son and what he missed out on.

    Reply
  20. mandy
    February 21, 2013

    Hi Lisa and Everyone, I was told of this blog by someone at Children's Hole Society and Family Services of Minnasota. We have a 10 year old boy from Ethiopia, adopted wjen he was just barely 5 yrs. We are having big troubles with him and these are escalating. I will try the rocking with him as he is in many ways 3 yrs old. Do I need to register for this blog? I would like to be part it. Thanks, Mandy

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      February 21, 2013

      Mandy, welcome. You don't need to register. Feel free to stop by anytime to read and comment. We're glad you are here.

      Reply
  21. Christin
    March 10, 2013

    I just watched the video of your talk from Refresh and I cried. Our girls still await their homecoming from Ghana. They are 8 and 9 and I am glad I was able to hear you speak and be prepared for when things don't go the way we expect. Thank you for your honesty and thank you for allowing your son to say a word. We have 5 biological children, the eldest being 10 and the youngest 2. I know God has a purpose and i know He called our family to adopt.
    While we wait, we will pray that He prepare the way for us and our new girls. I look forward to digging into and following your blog. 🙂 I'm at joyfulmothering.net Blessings!

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      March 10, 2013

      Thanks for watching it, Christin and for taking the time to comment. I'm glad you enjoyed hearing Isaiah speak too. Blessings as you wait for your children.

      Reply

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