I have found that there are three stages in every great work of God; first, it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done.
Thank you – each and every one of you who commented on my post about not losing heart. Gosh, life is just hard sometimes, isn’t it? Today I am happy to report that the sun came out and I even saw a few signs of spring poking up through the soil in my gardens. I just may survive, in fact, I’m pretty sure I will.
Today is the first day of Honeybee and Dimples’ spring break and we were supposed to leave for Seattle. Russ got hit with an unexpected deadline for a large project and told me Wednesday night that he couldn’t come with me. I spent 24 hours agonizing over whether or not I should make the trip on my own. In the end, one minivan, six kids, six hundred miles, a potentially snowy mountain pass, and multiple commitments gave me such a knot in my stomach that I canceled the entire trip.
The sad thing is that there were numerous bright spots I was anticipating including time with my family, a cousin visit for my girls, a cousin visit for me (the first in ten years), and time with very special friends. I longed for all of that — but the risk of it all going terribly wrong was more than I could take without Russ by my side.
Not to mention, a certain little girl desperately needed her appointment with a certain incredible therapist. God knows what we need and I am trusting that we can make it a few more weeks. Russ and I have learned so much, we just need to dig deep and apply what we know — and a bit more prayer would probably do us a world of good.
Speaking of Russ, he had to rescue me today when I got a flat tire on a quick trip to Eby and Little Man’s Latin class. Yes, they take Latin, but it is all fun and they love it — I promise I’m not an over-achieving homeschooler who demands that her four year-old learn Latin. To add to the complications today, I had Sweet Baby Girl with me and her mom was just about to get off work. Russ arrived with our big van, we swapped cars and kids, and I made it home only a little late. I love that guy.
I found the quote (above) tucked at the end of a friend’s signature on a recent email. When I read it, I choked out a tearful laugh, and then smiled as I thought of my life. Perhaps raising my family is not a great work of God, but it is my greatest work for Him. There is nothing more important to me, more precious to me, or more meaningful than the work Jesus has given me as the mother of my eleven children and wife to Russ.
Two years ago parenting some of our children seemed impossible, now it is difficult, but one day, I pray with all my heart, it will be done (or at least the healing won’t consume so much of our lives) and they will be healed of their deepest wounds. I can almost imagine what it might look like, what they might look like with peaceful, whole hearts. I believe that with the help of God, even the most wounded children have the capacity to heal – sometimes I just have to repeat that over and over to myself — I believe that with the help of God, even the most wounded children have the capacity to heal.
Thank you for sharing my life and my journey. I wish I could sit down with each one of you and chat over coffee. I admire so many of you and enjoy getting to know you through your comments. I love what you have to say and I love your emails too — even if I’m terrible at answering them.
Have a lovely Saturday.
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