I Would Have Lost Heart

Lately I find myself at a loss – a loss for words, a loss in energy, and not quite a loss, but a swooping dip in hope.

We’ve been having hard days, lots of them, with one of our little ones.  Russ and I have those old familiar feelings in the pit of our stomachs and weight in our chests.

Monday my friend and her lovely daughter joined Rusty, Ladybug, and me for our homeschool class.  Currently we are watching John Piper’s lectures on Desiring God. This week, Piper mentioned that in honor of their 40th wedding anniversary, he and Noel had chosen a verse from Psalm 40 to memorize and meditate on for the year. I was immediately curious about Psalm 27, since this June marks our 27th wedding anniversary.  I opened my Bible to find Psalm 27 heavily underlined and I quickly read, searching for the perfect verse that Russ and I could claim for our own.  As I neared the end, I read this,

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart: wait, I say, on the Lord!   Ps. 27 13 – 14

Early this morning, before we were even out of bed,  I lifted the Bible from my nightstand and read Psalm 27 to Russ; I had to pause several times to let the tightness in my throat pass. My tears fell on his arm as I read, but they were hopeful, yearning tears, not tears of despair.

We need to breathe the truth of these verses deeply into our spirits.  We must not lose heart, we must have hope, and wait on the Lord.  He will not fail us, He will not leave us.  He is the great healer and He is doing the most amazing healing work in our family.

Have hope, friends, be of good courage and He will strengthen your hearts.

Amen.

Lisa

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Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

30 Comments

  1. A. Thaggard
    March 10, 2011

    I needed this today.
    thank you.

    Reply
  2. Chandra
    March 10, 2011

    Thank you so much. We are having a hard time too and find myself losing faith. I really needed to hear this.

    Reply
  3. Giann
    March 10, 2011

    Amen!

    Reply
  4. lisa
    March 10, 2011

    i feel your pain and your hope lisa and we are blessed by both and never alone, i am so grateful, like you, we couldnt do this alone. we are all in this together and uniquely connected by the love we have for our children and by the journey closer to God that our healing children provide. thinking of you, lisa

    Reply
  5. Michelle
    March 10, 2011

    Thank you for posting this. We are having a difficult time right now and your post has spoken to us. Thank you so much – we really needed that.
    Many prayers going your way,
    Michelle

    Reply
  6. Mama D's Dozen
    March 10, 2011

    Oh how I can relate! We have 1 precious child that we often have a hard time finding hope for. She seems to have no desire for hope … for healing … for change. No desire for relationships with us, her family. It is so hard. So. Very. Hard.

    Thanks for the encouraging scripture. I think I should look up Psalm 29, as we will celebrate our 29th anniversary this summer. 🙂

    Laurel

    Reply
  7. Sara
    March 10, 2011

    Thank you for this post. I wish it were not so for you, and yet you have refreshed me with your words.

    Reply
  8. Bethel
    March 10, 2011

    This same chapter spoke to me a few years back when our adopted boys first joined our family. You've encouraged me to go back and meditate on it again. Thank you! We, too, are in a very difficult season with our attachment challenged children. I often feel so weary, but your posts are always an encouragement to me. Blessings!

    Reply
  9. Michele
    March 10, 2011

    A very long season for our family too – it feels like spring will never be here and my children will never be able to heal from all their hurts. Thanks for the encouraging scripture reminder. My hope is in the Lord…

    Reply
  10. cari
    March 10, 2011

    "old familiar feelings in the pit of our stomachs and weight in our chests"…describes perfectly what I felt tonight after one of my children cried, "you are not my real mom and you'll never by my mom!" After 9 months of trying to help the child in every single way that I can, sometimes I just feel like I might as well be banging my head on a wall. So exhausting! I really like the idea of meditating on the chapter of Psalms that matches your wedding anniversary. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  11. Jen
    March 10, 2011

    Lisa,

    We have been there! I just wrote a response to something similar to another friend. I would love for you to read it. I am praying for you. You are on track. It is all about NOT losing Hope – the Hope we have in Christ.

    http://hisgracehisglory.blogspot.com/2011/02/feel

    Our love and prayers,

    Reply
  12. MaryOstyn Owlhaven
    March 10, 2011

    Love this verse! Thank you!

    Mary

    Reply
  13. Jennifer
    March 10, 2011

    Such the perfect verse for so many families right now. Thank you for sharing. It's been coming back to mind all day.

    Reply
  14. pastormacsann
    March 10, 2011

    Praying for you, Lisa.

    Reply
  15. coffeemom
    March 11, 2011

    Don't lose heart. I don't think it's a coincidence that you are now in lent and feeling all this…it is a time of hardscrabble walking…..I'm so glad you found that verse. It IS full of hope, as we are meant to be as well.

    hang in there, I know just how hard those times/phases of cold hard breathless can be and the hot silent rolling tears, unbidden…..fwiw…you're in my novena to the Patron of Families: St. Joseph, asking for his prayers for you all.

    You're not alone. We are lifting you up in prayer and wishing we could come bringing coffee and berry scones and show you the Maple tree is budding……I saw a daffodil this week too, spring is on the way. Hang on.

    Reply
  16. kristen pajama mama
    March 11, 2011

    thank you for sharing that. truly.

    Reply
  17. carla
    March 11, 2011

    The words in this verse spoke to me as if God was sitting in front of me and speaking directly to me. Thank you Lisa. I know we will see His goodness, He gives us glimpses here and there to encourage us. I have come to accept the fact that our new "norm" is not going to be a easy one and this type of calling that God has given us will take time and requires us to "Wait on the Lord". We have to learn to rest in Him and realize He is the Healer and He has plans for these children that are way beyond anything we could imagine. "Be of good courage." Love you dear sister in Christ!!

    Reply
  18. projecthopefulva
    March 11, 2011

    Thank you for sharing Lisa! Praying with, and for you! I am sorry you are dealing with such a hard place again. Love the verse, thank you for always being open and honest. I know it helps me tremendously! Blessings
    Andrea

    Reply
  19. charity
    March 11, 2011

    your verses in psalms reminded me of our teenagers motto from last year…Joshua 1:9
    Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.
    the heartbreak is so real, the weight as parents so heavy, the temptation to be afraid in the face of continuing adversity…but the peace He sends is also real, the ability to lift that burden from your shoulders, and the promise that He guides the future as He has the past…we try in the valleys to focus more attention on the miracles of the past, which strengthens our weary arms. i have a book of miracles i keep for our family, i don't write in it daily, though i should and probably could if i pondered long enough, the hand of God in our lives. it is in the small miracles, with such precise timing, that you can see His hand, reminding you He is in charge, and watching even if we need to walk a difficult path to learn or to allow our children to learn the things He desires to teach. i know angels attend the difficult work of parenting, i trust that they keep watch even when we cannot, and help protect our children even when we cannot.

    Reply
    1. Cindy
      March 15, 2011

      Charity,
      I so appreciate you response to Lisa, I too am an adopted mom of 4 and a bio of 7 which makes a total of 11. I have to say this year was hard with our teens and I really have had a hard time parenting. Not to mention I'm going through menopause. I like your book of miracles, I need to ponder mine:)
      Cindy

      Reply
  20. Abbey
    March 11, 2011

    This same verse has also ministered to me. My translation reads,

    "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

    I love the assumptive nature of this translation. I am CONFIDENT! I WILL see the goodness of the LORD!

    Reply
  21. Courtney
    March 11, 2011

    i needed these words. thank you!

    Reply
  22. Leslee
    March 11, 2011

    This is a beautiful post and a great Psalm to hold onto.
    His goodness is always worth waiting and hoping for.

    Reply
  23. Phyllis
    March 11, 2011

    Sorry to hear that it is so tough right now. That is an excellent verse. I dwelled on that chapter quite a bit this past summer as we were dealing with things with our boys. Just 3 days ago, I told my husband that I'm crying "uncle, I can't take it anymore." So just being reminded to "wait on the Lord" is so perfect! Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  24. Marlene
    March 11, 2011

    My husband and I have been married nearly 28 years. I picked up my Bible and found these verses. "Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped." Psalm 28:6 & 7

    Reply
    1. One Thankful Mom
      March 11, 2011

      Marlene, that is beautiful! I love that you found a verse for your life too.

      Reply
  25. Hannah Tucker
    March 11, 2011

    Praying for you as you wait on Him!

    Reply
  26. Shari D.
    March 11, 2011

    I clung to this very passage of Scripture during my husband's deployment which was happening concurrently with our adoption wait/court/travel. I thought God gave it to me for that select season… but no. Once our children were home and we understood the depth of the wounds, the difficulty of bonding, the chaos which seemed endless– I was brought right back to my scripture. Still clinging… always clinging.
    Beautiful post. Thank you!

    Reply
    1. One Thankful Mom
      March 11, 2011

      Shari, I'm so glad you also found it helpful; I believe I will be speaking it to myself often this year. Thanks for the comment.

      Reply
  27. darci
    March 12, 2011

    Oh. Oh. God is so good. So tender to us. I am so so glad He gave you that, just when you felt at the end. Praying for you, Lisa. For all of you.

    Reply

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