“I Can Give Love”

“Mom, I found something out at camp.”

“What was it?”

“I can give a lot of love.  I can make people happy; I was good at that at camp.  I didn’t even know I could do that.”

Can you even imagine how full my heart felt when she said this?  A child who has been orphaned and spent her life in an orphanage has deep wounds that need to be healed.  Those wounds made it very hard for Honeybee to receive love when she joined our family.  She didn’t trust us, didn’t feel safe with us, and guarded herself from being part of the family.

Slowly, she is healing and now she is not only able to receive love, but she can give it.  What pleases me so much, is that she not only is able to give love, but she knows she is capable of it.  It takes maturity and insight for her to know that.

Honeybee is maturing, growing, and healing.  I see so much change in her and my heart is encouraged.

While I’m rejoicing over Honeybee’s healing, I am also struggling with the challenges Dimples is experiencing.  We have had some very hard days and my stomach has been aching.  It is taking great effort not to give way to worry and fear.

Our pastor said something yesterday that went like this; worry is practical atheism.  I have no trouble believing that God holds the universe together, that He is active and present in my life, and yet, I worry about Dimples as if He is not aware of every detail of her body, mind, and heart.  Why do I let fear grab hold of my mind?  It is an act of sheer faith to lay my worries down and trust in the Father who loves us all.

I’m on my way to Seattle this morning.  My father is very ill and once again, I’m fighting worry.  I already had a trip planned for medical appointments for Honeybee and Dimples, so I’m leaving early to visit my parents first.  I’ll spend time with Kathleen and hopefully a couple of other special friends while I’m there.

I’ll try to write while I’m gone, but most of my hours will be filled with driving and being with people.  When we leave Seattle, the girls and I will go directly to Russ’ family reunion in north Idaho.  It is going to be a very full week.

Thank you for reading my blog.  Knowing you are out there presses me to process and contemplate our life as a family.

Lisa

 

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Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

23 Comments

  1. Jamie Jones Duponte
    July 10, 2012

    Ohhhhhh, that just touches my heart, such a wonderful gift she has received, the knowledge that she can give love and joy to others, awesome and amazing is our God!!
    I pray for your struggles with Dimples, and for healing for her heart as well, and for your dad and healing for his as well. May your heart be filled with peace and comfort in the coming week.

    Reply
  2. Ashley
    July 10, 2012

    It's definitely easier to say we trust God and to actually trust Him. Will be praying for you this week – that you may be able to lay it ALL at His feet (and leave it there) and find peace that only He can give you…

    Reply
  3. pastormacsann
    July 10, 2012

    Lifting you up in prayer, friend. Safe travels.

    Reply
  4. Melvain Donyes
    July 10, 2012

    Praying for you and Dick… Give him my greetings. Heck, buy him a hot fudge sundae- that should set him straight!☺

    Reply
  5. Cindy
    July 10, 2012

    Lisa, I'm praying for you. So grateful for your words about Honeybee and understand your fears about Dimples. I never really understood the scripture "Lord I believe, Help my unbelief" before parenting a child who is so injured. I wrestle daily with trusting that God is big enough, and yet I KNOW He IS!
    Love and prayers for your family to have peace and healing,
    Cindy Mc

    Reply
  6. Mama D's Dozen
    July 10, 2012

    So happy to hear of continued healing for Honeybee.
    So sad for the continued struggles with Dimples.
    So sorry to hear about your dad.

    I will keep you in my prayers as you travel this week.
    Please keep us in your prayers, as we take Little Miss to Boise on Saturday.

    Hugs,

    Laurel

    Reply
  7. Sarah
    July 10, 2012

    I'm only 19 but I think I want to adopt someday and I have been reading your blog regularly. I love hearing about your family, your joys and triumphs, and yes your struggles too. Come check me out at carriedinhishands.blogspot.com!

    Reply
  8. angela
    July 10, 2012

    Beautiful!! Wonderful to see her progress. Prayers for the sister. Interesting statement …. will remember that one!

    Reply
  9. Julie Gumm
    July 10, 2012

    An adoptive mom friend and I have been discussing this very topic – it is easy to say you believe in God but when you realize what that means, and how much worry we hang on to, we realize we're not doing as good a job of trusting as we thought.

    Reply
  10. Kayla
    July 10, 2012

    What sweet growth in her heart! And love the practical atheism quote. I have come to see my worry as one of my biggest sins and as one of the ways I try to gain control. If I can't control it, I can worry about it and that makes me feel like I'm in control.

    Reply
  11. thejessicarudder
    July 10, 2012

    I was actually thinking about Honeybee yesterday.

    I realized that when I first started reading you frequently wrote about struggles she had, but that there had been a lot less written lately.

    I was really hoping that was because she was healing. From this post it sounds like there's been a great season of healing and growth for her!

    I pray that Dimples can also continue healing and will start to have more peace.

    Reply
  12. sleepyknitter
    July 10, 2012

    Beautiful post! Praying for you today, Lisa, as you face all of these fears, issues, and thoughts.

    Reply
  13. Sarah
    July 10, 2012

    Also, in case I forgot to mention it, your blog has given me strength, courage, and faith in God through a scary (they always are) bipolar episode. Thank you!

    Reply
  14. clover
    July 10, 2012

    Lis, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. What's going on?

    Reply
  15. Eileen
    July 10, 2012

    Thank you.

    I too have a child at camp right now and my constant prayer since he left (all of 4 hours ago!) is that he'll discover the very thing that your daughter did—that he's a person who can and does give love. That's something that we've seen all his life, yet a recent deep depression has made him incapable of seeing it. This is a biological son who has never lived in " a hard place", has not had any deep trauma, has always been loved and cherished. He's incredibly talented, smart, handsome, obedient, religious, and has so many wonderful things on the horizon. Yet, for reasons that we can't completely understand, he's been overcome with severe depression. We've sought professional help on many fronts with small successes and many setbacks. It kills me to see him trying SO hard to battle this and for him to not feel significant improvement. I'll walk by his room at night and see him kneeling at his bed in prayer. I'll walk by again 15 minutes later and he's still there. He's constantly giving service and helping with his younger siblings. He's a very gifted runner and knows that exercise will help his emotional state. He was so down yesterday and had this look of determination as he sprinted out the door to run our 2 mile loop. I saw the time when he left and I saw the time again when he was plowing up our hill coming home. He was gone under 11 minutes! He came in dripping with sweat and exhaustion and I could see in his eyes the frustration that no matter how fast he goes, he can't outrun this.

    We've gone through medical issues with our children, trials to be sure, but they are nothing compared to this. Nothing. I can completely relate to your feelings and the aching stomach and the worry and fear.

    I pray that your father is well, that the trip is a positive on all fronts, and that there is healing and hope for our children, whether they're from a hard place or a great place.

    Reply
  16. Jessica Pair
    July 10, 2012

    I'm happy that God has blessed all your hard work with encouragement. I will continue to pray for healing and that God will give you more encouragement and the peace needed to let go of your worries and give them to Him. I hope you all have a wonderful time at the family reunion.

    Reply
  17. Melodie
    July 10, 2012

    Oh I needed to read this today. I've had that, "this parenting thing stinks!" attitude lately because it seems to be all hard. Thank you for this reminders. And I prayed for your father today.

    Reply
  18. Lisa
    July 10, 2012

    Lisa,

    I loved reading this. My girls said she was full of life, laughter, and joy. And from what I hear, she made many people smile. How wonderful that she discovered this part of herself! It reminds me of Karyn Purvis, when she says that beneath all of the hard behavior there is a real child just waiting to be revealed. Fantastic!

    And I'm sorry to hear about the hard days you're having with Dimples. Have hope! I love Lamentations 3:22-23 for times like these: " The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

    I will pray for you tonight.

    Grace to you,

    Lisa

    Reply
  19. Joy
    July 10, 2012

    Thank you for writing. It always encourages me. I am holding you up in prayer as I struggle with worry too.

    Reply
  20. Hannah Tucker
    July 10, 2012

    So thankful for Honeybee's gift, her realization of that ability she holds.

    Praying for you during this time of worry pressing in on every side, that your arms would be strengthened to resist the temptation and fight and slay the worries.

    Reply
  21. Kay
    July 10, 2012

    God bless and keep you as you minister to your daughters and father. These things are so hard. I have been paralyzed by fear this last week as my daughter undergoes testing- my angry adopted daughter who has monopolized six years of our time and energy. Can we handle this? I am trying to think back to all of the times that I have had these same bone-crushing fears, and that every time they were unfounded. GOD HAS YET TO FAIL ME! But I still "do what I do not want to do" and worry. Try to rest in the Sovereignty of a loving Father who has good plans for you, and I will try to do the same!

    Reply
  22. mommafoster
    July 10, 2012

    Praying for a safe, meaningful trip, and for God's peace to descend on your heart in a fresh and new way.

    Reply
  23. Lisa H
    July 11, 2012

    Celebrating Honeybee's progress and praying with you and for you for Dimples and your dad…..

    A hug to you!

    Reply

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