Last week I wrote about my fear of driving past the site of the accident; thank you for extending grace to me as I process my grief. I was carried by your prayers and the Lord met me in such a sweet and powerful way.
My plan was to go a new route in order to avoid the curve in the road that changed our lives forever. As Russ left for work, he pulled me close, wrapped me tightly in his arms and prayed over me. I was ready.
I headed north on Highway 95, thinking about the roads I always take and how well I know them. I wished I could go that way, but I needed to protect myself from seeing that fearful place.
Soon I was at the turn-off for the new route, and I surprised myself by going right by. I could have changed my course, but in those brief seconds, I didn’t. I’m not sure why. I drove on, my mind racing as details of the accident surfaced.
I prayed continually as the miles went by; I told the Lord that I was afraid. In a rare moment of clarity, he spoke deeply into my heart, “I was there.”
In the place of our greatest pain and sorrow, Jesus was with us. Russ and I felt his presence more powerfully than ever before. We felt the presence of the Holy Spirit, a comforting, weighty, impossible to explain, peace over us. We were not alone.
I felt the Lord nudging me to reconsider that curve on the highway. Yes, it’s where our car slid on ice, crumpled, spun, and landed on its side. Yes, it’s where I was trapped in the wreckage, and where Kalkidan was lifted out and CPR begun.
It’s also where our loving Father sent help in the form of skilled people driving by on the highway, and where a stranger knelt on the ground to hold my hand. It’s where Kalkidan’s soul was released from her body and she rushed into the arms of Jesus.
He was there. Our savior was there.
In our greatest fear and sorrow, he didn’t leave us – not even for a moment. That farmer’s field is the place where God showed himself powerfully to us. It’s where he spared my life, while taking my daughter’s, which I can’t even begin to understand, yet I’m profoundly thankful to be alive.
As I neared the curve in the road, I began softly singing, Sovereign Over Us. I fought against the fearful memories, focusing on the goodness of God. Soon it was almost in view. I slowed just enough to glance at the tall grass and think, “He was there. He was there.” Then it was behind me and I smiled, tearful with relief.
I will not let the enemy of my soul destroy the truth that God was with us. He is with us. We have nothing to fear.
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