Guest Author: "When Do You Adopt Again?"

I asked my friend, Signe, if she would respond to last week’s Tuesday Topic:  When Do You Adopt Again? and she emailed this to me.  I have been wanting her to be a guest author for me and I finally figured out how to make it happen.

Signe is my good friend who lives five minutes from me.  She has nine children, including Jubilee, who was one of Honeybee’s best friends at AHOPE and who just came home in January.  She also has a son adopted from Ethiopia almost a year ago.  When we were struggling last winter, Signe took my little boys one morning each week so I could catch my breath.  My children think that we are related, and I like it that way.

You can read more about Signe and her great family on her blog, Letting Love Cover It.

“What are the non-negotiables that you feel must be in place before you feel free to adopt again?”

I think this is a very personal question, so coming up with a general answer is sort of difficult.  I also have to admit that I have adopted two children in the last year, so telling others to slow down is sort of hypocritical.  My biggest non-negotiable is to know my own limitations.  God gives us each work to do, and there are a lot of things in the world that need to be done.  I think wisdom stops and searches for God before assuming that every battle that needs to be fought needs to fought by me. […]

Adoption has a lot of unknowns, and we can never anticipate all of them, but I think it is wise to take advice given by social workers, and other adoptive parents.  God gives us the strength to do things we never thought we could, but He also gives us wisdom to know when a situation is too much for us.  I think as mothers one non-negotiable needs to be the welfare of the children that God has already given us.  We are called to love and protect them, not save every hurt child that is available.  We should not adopt a child because we think no one else will, we should adopt a child because we love them and want what is best for that child, which very well may be a different family.  Families are precious things and we need to consider everyone’s needs, not just our own.

I would encourage parents to take a long view of things.  It is easy to get comfortable in one moment and not consider how life will change as you and your family age.  Adopting when there are many small children in the home carries some immediate risks due to their vulnerability, but it also carries risks of getting into deeper water than you are ready to swim in.  I think it is wise to look into what kinds of help are available to you before you get into deep water.  Know if there are any good counselors in the area, and if you can afford them.  Know if you have adequate medical care.  Know if you have friends and family that will help you out with short notice for undetermined periods of time.  Don’t assume the terrible things that have happened to other people can’t happen to you, you just can’t know that.  This all falls under the know your limitations and plan for the long haul.  Life is always changing and children’s needs change as they get older.  Remember to consider what your life will look like in five or ten years, not just what it looks like right now.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a big adoption advocate.  I have just seen a lot of stories of people that jumped in too soon and had a very rough go of it.  Trust your gut, and do not be ashamed to say that you need to wait a couple of years.  Unfortunately there will still be children that need families.  Maybe adoption isn’t what you can do right now, but you can still advocate for children in other ways.  One of the best ways may be to love and meet the needs of the family you have now.  If you are ready to adopt again you will know, and God will provide for all of your needs.

~Signe

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Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

0 Comments

  1. Julie
    February 20, 2010

    Amen to that. You are a wise woman.

    Julie

    Reply
  2. Rachel
    February 21, 2010

    Very well said. Adopting is the easy part. raising them the next eighteen years (or longer) is where the challenge lies. It takes WISDOM!

    Reply
  3. Marissa
    February 21, 2010

    This is why I adore Signe. She has tons and tons and tons of wisdom. 🙂

    Reply
  4. Nancy
    February 22, 2010

    Thank you, Signe! Thank you for saying it it can be hard. Yes, It's wonderful, and it's hard too.
    Nancy

    Reply
  5. Sarah
    August 22, 2013

    Really great and honest post – If you want to help children another way, there are child sponsorship options available, which will mean children from some of the world's poorest countries can benefit and live a happier and healthier life. The charity World Vision have a wide range of sponsorship options available

    Reply

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