I don’t have to tell you I’m kind of hanging by a thread this week as Kalkidan’s birthday approaches. So many emotions are swirling in my heart and mind.
In the spirit of not sinking into depression, yesterday I took a good walk and today – don’t laugh now – I did yoga for the second time ever using our old Wii Fit.
Yes, we have a Wii Fit that still works. It was quite the ordeal getting it up and running last month.
If you aren’t familiar, when you log on, the Wii Fit greets you with chatty messages about how long it’s been since you’ve exercised, how much weight you’ve gained, or with a message to remind a family member to get back into their exercise routine.
Imagine my surprise when I got this message today. I nearly had to sit down.
I stood staring at the screen – not sure if I wanted to move past it or leave it there for a long time. Finally, I moved on, and this was the next screen.
You’ve got to be kidding. It’s like the Wii thought, “Hey, now that I’ve knocked you over, let me kick you in the head.”
Later, Wogauyu asked, “Why didn’t you tell the Wii that Kalkidan died?”
I replied, “I guess I just forgot – it wasn’t on my list.”
I want to be gracious and spiritual and demonstrate a strong faith, and most the time I can.
But sometimes I have questions and I feel ripped off and I just don’t understand.
It’s not that I doubt God, I don’t, but this is hard. Yet I’m keenly aware that in the hard, Jesus is present.
We’ll get through this week and we’ll get past the anniversary of the accident. Our family will make it through October 29th and December 27th year by year, over and over again.
We’ll keep loving Jesus and loving one another. We’ll think of Kalkidan, holding her close in our hearts, knowing we’ll see her again one day. I have a feeling when we do, it will feel like no time has passed at all.
And there will be no tears in heaven.