Grief, the Right-Brain, and Book Group

Dimples is grieving and it breaks my heart.  Yesterday, as I cooked dinner, she began to talk about her upcoming birthday and what she wants for dinner.  I mentioned that we should find out if she can bring birthday treats for her class at her new school, to which she replied that she was going to take treats to her “real school” and “real friends.”  When I explained that would not be possible, the grief hit her afresh.

[This post contains Amazon Affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.]

I had just read a chapter in The Whole-Brain Child about recognizing when our child is function in their right-brain – the part of the brain that is more emotional and non-verbal, rather than ordered and logical like the left-brain.  The book recommended connecting with our child using our right brain, empathizing with their feelings, and not trying to teach logical, word-based solutions in that moment.

I sat next to her, even though at one point she pushed me away, put my hand gently on her (nonverbal connection), and offered comforting words such as: “This is really hard,” “I see that you feel very sad.”  I avoided saying logical left-brain things like, “It takes time to make new friends, but I’m sure you will have some soon,” or “It’s only been three days; I’m sure you’ll like your new school because it is going to be better for you,” etc. Eventually she leaned against me and allowed me to comfort her a little.

Later that afternoon she called the girls from her previous class and invited them all to come over after school on Friday.  These are precious friendships and we’re going to do what we can to maintain them.

We had an appointment with Dimples’ new principal this morning and hope to arrange a meeting with her “team” next week.  We hope this extra support will help her have a good year.

One last thing, I have hardly begun reading The Whole-Brain Child and would still love to discuss it with any of you who are able to join me.  I’m worried about trying to add a weekly live meeting to my schedule under the current circumstances.  However, I’ve heard we might be able to do a group through Goodreads and that might not be too complicated.

Is there anybody who would like to figure out how to set a bookgroup up (through Goodreads or another source) and coordinate it with me?  Email me and let me know [email protected]

EDIT:  I have a volunteer!  I’ll let you all know as soon as we get it set up. I’m excited about this and glad to know we’ll all really read and process the information in this book.

Have a great Thursday, friends.  The sun is shining here and it is a spectacular fall day – it couldn’t be much more beautiful.

Lisa

 

This post may contain Amazon Affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

11 Comments

  1. Paula Miles Spears
    October 11, 2012

    I'm sad for Dimples. Praying for you all through this challenge.

    I have The Whole Brain Child on my Nook and have started reading it! Looking forward to some discussion.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      October 11, 2012

      Paula, I'm glad you want to discuss the book. I saw on your blog that Sarah broke her collar bone – give her a hug from us.

      Reply
  2. Gina Dolinsky
    October 11, 2012

    Hi Lisa,
    I've been lurking on your blog and I'd love to set up a Goodread book club for you. I'm a single parent living in Canada and my daughter was born in Ethiopia. I've been meaning to read the Whole Brain Child for awhile now (time is precious here, too!) and this is the perfect opportunity, especially to discuss it with others. I realize you don't "know" me, and I'm fine with whatever you decide.
    Gina

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      October 11, 2012

      Thanks so much, Gina! Another reader volunteered to set it up, so I think we're set – but I would love to have you join the group and be part of the discussion. I'll be sure to post information as soon as I know more. It's going to be great.

      Reply
  3. Liz
    October 11, 2012

    I LOVE the Whole Brain Child. I spent last year going to a therapist to help my little guy work through his separation anxiety. He had been with us for 4 years and still has terrible anxiety when he has to leave me. This book is the neuroscience behind every tool that the therapist had me use with my son. She told me to tell his story over and over to him in an age appropriate way but I didn't understand the reason why until I read this book. I am reading it slowly because I want to absorb all of it. My other son has neurological issues and walks around like a drunken sailor and is developmentally delayed. His neurologist doesn't understands why, since his brain is structured normally. I am hoping that there is a nugget of information that I read in this book that might set me down a path to help him. I would love to talk about the book.

    Warmly,

    Liz

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      October 11, 2012

      Liz, I've found the same thing. As I read, I'm seeing the "why" behind lots of things therapists have taught us to do. I'm also understanding EMDR even better. This book goes hand-in-hand with the principles in The Connected Child. Maybe that will be our second book 🙂

      Reply
  4. Tricia
    October 11, 2012

    Hey Lisa – I recently blogged about a similar topic after listening to Mary Sheedy Kurchinka's book Kids, Parents and Power Struggles. I definitely have one daughter who comes at life as a thinker and the other a feeler and I am more feeling – so I have to come at them with different things in the midst of strong emotion. It was a big aha for me. Here is the link if you care to take a look. Great book by the way. I got the whole brained book and hope to join in the discussion. http://inpursuitofatoolbox.wordpress.com/

    Reply
  5. Mavis
    October 12, 2012

    Just ordered the book! Looking forward to the discussion.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      October 12, 2012

      Great! I've been reading more and loving it.

      Reply
  6. Karla Price
    April 24, 2013

    Lisa,
    I have done neourodevelopmental work with two of my bio kids. A year ago we adopted three girls from India. The middle one who has been quite challenging is on this program since September 2012. She had mixed dominance. As we have worked on therapy to get her brain working off just one side she has made great jumps. She is learning to have control over her emotions, she is going foreward in school enjoying her learning experience without so much frustration. There are other neuro systems we are working on in this program. If your are interested in the name of this program e mail me. The point I wanted to make is the brain working well is very important

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      April 24, 2013

      Thank you, Karla. I would like to know more. A friend of mine has done some work like this in Spokane, WA. I wonder if it's similar.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *