Real Answers to “What Can I Do if I Don’t Like My Child?”

Do you ever wake up in the morning and feel you just can’t do it – you can’t be the mom you want to be? You went into foster care and adoption because you loved kids and wanted to make a difference.

But now?

You’re hardly making it through the days. You’re so darn tired and your heart feels like it could just give out.

You hardly recognize the mother you’ve become.

Or maybe this all sounds a bit dire, but you still find yourself wishing you could enjoy being a mom again. Your kids’ needs are just so consuming!

Way back in 2012 I shared a Tuesday Topic question about what to do when you don’t like your child. That post continues to be one of my most-read posts each year, which tells me something important.

While many foster and adoptive parents love their kids and are working SO hard to be great parents, the feelings of “liking” can slip away in the face of fatigue and continual challenges.

Last spring I taught a breakout on this topic at a large adoption and foster care conference. The room was packed; parents could see they were not alone in this struggle.

The good news is, there are reasons rooted in brain science for these feelings. You’re not a bad parent, so breathe a big sigh of relief.

In the breakout, I taught about Blocked Trust: what it is, how it happens, and why it matters. Blocked Trust results in changes in our brains making it hard to keep caring and feeling connected with our kids. This is called Blocked Care. Lastly, I taught about ways to overcome these challenges and renew our compassion for our children.

After the conference, Melissa and I brainstormed ways we could share this information through The Adoption Connection to really help parents overcome the challenges and renew their compassion. We worked hard to create new resources and I have good news.

The 3-Day Compassion Challenge

You’re invited to join our FREE 3-Day Compassion Challenge!

In 3 days, understand why your child pushes you away, why you’re not a bad mom because you’re losing patience, and shed the feelings of shame and guilt. There is hope, and you can regain that compassion!

If you want to learn more and continue taking concrete steps toward rebuilding compassion, you’ll have the opportunity to join our intensive, From Apathy to Empathy: How to Regain Compassion for Your Child and Yourself. More on that later – but I have to say, it’s going to be good.

For now, I encourage you to sign up for this simple FREE 3-Day Compassion Challenge to begin reshaping the hope you have for your relationship with your children.

If you have a friend who needs encouragement, please share this with her. We want to give hope to as many moms as possible.


Russ and I are with some of our kids on Whidbey Island at our favorite place in the world. Most of the older kids arrive this weekend. This is our final summer at the lovely home we’ve enjoyed for ten years.

I’m trying very hard to focus on gratitude for this beautiful home shared with us by our lovely host, but I find tears are often close. This was a gift given to us during the hardest decade of our lives and I’ll always be grateful. I’m going to miss it terribly.

It’s hard to imagine anything this good ever happening again. But God’s plans are so amazing; I’m trusting He’ll lead us into this new season of gathering as a family.

Does your family have a special gathering place? Do you camp? Rent a home? Gather at a family member’s house? I’m wide open to new ideas. Leave a comment for me!

All my love,

Lisa

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Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRIĀ® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

2 Comments

  1. Joanne Peterson
    July 31, 2019

    We rent a log cabin at a campground. Glamping, and we have running water, toilets, showers, a place to grill out, a range, refrigerator, real beds, and we’re on the water. It also has other activities for our kids, and is peaceful. I find it’s so much easier to do than pack everything for camping, and it’s just more comfortable for our family. Camping with amenities.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      August 5, 2019

      That sounds perfect, Joanne.

      Reply

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