Thank you so much for your gentle patience as I try to continue on with my story and Tell it Well. I left you at the moment I received the most amazing email of my life, “Is this for real? I’m your son.” You might think that the rest of the story is so happy that it would be nearly effortless to write, but that is not the case. The email from my son (whom I dearly love) was the beginning of a long downward spiral for me. The reunion I had dreamed of did not happen and I was quickly thrown into the midst of the most trying time of my faith.
It has been over 16 years, but it is still raw. Conversations come back to me in snippets, I can see emails as they appeared on my screen and letters that came in the mail. I remember the faces of new friends who helped me through many hard days. In the midst of the turmoil, I was also struggling with a severe health crisis with an autoimmune disorder while trying to care for five young children.
I look back on those years in Colorado and it is a murky blur. As I attempted to write yesterday, I had to email my friend, Emily, to ask her about a detail I couldn’t recall. I find myself wanting to call old friends, and last night I needed to talk through some of it with Russ.
Yet in all of the struggle and confusion, Jesus was there. He never stopped loving me, loving Nick, or being a good and sovereign God. I look back and I know that He had a purpose in my son and I finding each other when we did and in the way we did -but wow, I still struggle. I can’t fold my hands, put a smile on my face and tell you in a sweet voice that I just trusted Jesus and everything turned out just right. It was brutal.
Please bear with me a little longer. This is a story that I want to tell well, to the glory of God – whom I love so much.
On a lighter note, we are having a crazy snowstorm here in north Idaho. Wednesday night, it rained on top of the snow and then froze again making our front yard look like an ice rink. Classes were canceled at the university yesterday, which didn’t help Russ much since he doesn’t teach on Tuesday or Thursday. Isaiah was happy not to have his two dual-enrolled classes at the high school. Honeybee and Dimples had school, which was a good thing for Dimples since unstructured days are one of her worst triggers.
I’ve been working harder at being a fun mom, so I put on Russ’ snow clothes and went out to play with Sunshine, Eby, and Little Man. Sledding is fun and climbing back up the hill in deep snow is a good workout! We had a great time and I took a few unflattering, but happy photos.
If you are anywhere near the Northwest, I hope you will try to make it to the Refresh Conference. There will be great speakers and adoptive/foster parents gathered to encourage one another. I hope this is the first year of an annual event.
#671 – 680 giving thanks
Refresh Conference in one week
a tractor with a snowplow blade
a husband who likes to plow snow
audio books to listen to while plowing
sore muscles from playing hard with the kids
electricity while many in our town have none
Honeybee’s happy face when she learned that school is closed today
our niece getting married tomorrow
Have a great Friday.
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