Today marks five months since the morning we set off for Montana, a morning that ended in sorrow. A heavy weight of sadness has been growing in my heart since yesterday.
Last night I found myself thinking that five months ago, as we prepared and packed for our trip, we had no idea how our life was about to change and the suffering that was in our future. I wanted to warn myself – tell us that we should cancel the trip.
I found myself wanting to comfort the five-months-ago Russ and me. I wanted to tell us that it was going to be terrible, that we were going to hurt in body and soul, but that we would survive. But I didn’t know how to gently explain that Kalkidan wouldn’t.
Today feels harder than I expected – harder than three months, or four months. I can’t explain it. Amazingly, after a few weeks of packed days, my morning is clear and once the children are off to school, I’ll have some quiet. I may take a walk, or read a book.
A sweet friend dropped off dinner, so tonight we’ll gather around our table with a feast of love placed before us. Being from the Midwest, she prepared the ultimate in comfort food, tater tot hot dish; it will be an all new experience for the kids, and they are already looking forward to it. The cookies packed with M&M’s are hidden on top of the refrigerator until after dinner.
I wish you could join us – we might cry a little, tell stories about how special Kalkidan is to us, and definitely eat one more cookie than we should. And we would probably wonder why we don’t eat tater tots more often.
Hug your kids today, friends, hug them close.
Love to each one of you,
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