Tuesday Topic: Help! My Son is Rejecting Me

Sometimes a child joins our family through foster care or adoption and pushes us away despite our best efforts. When we’re the parent being rejected, it’s painful and has the potential to reach deeply into our hearts and minds.

Question

This question comes from Lindsey,

My husband and I have been foster parents and are adopting a three yr old boy we have had for 4 months. He was homeless the first 2 yrs of his life, with his father. No mom. My husband and I both work part-time, but my husband is home more than me. Our son has latched onto him but has really rejected me for the most part. 

I am seeing little glimpses of hope, but for the most part, he avoids me and dismisses me, or angrily says “I not talk to you,” or “I not look at you!” We have had many different children with different disabilities/backgrounds/ages, but never this situation. Any tips?

Your Thoughts

Please offer your thoughts, experiences, words of encouragement, and advice in the comments for Lindsey. You don’t need to be an expert, even an “I’ve been there,” is helpful.


If you have a question you would like me to share as a Tuesday Topic, email it to me at lisa@onethankfulmom.com

Please put “Tuesday Topic” in the subject line to help me stay just slightly organized.

It feels great to have Tuesday Topics rolling again – I love hearing from you! Last week I added Facebook comments from my One Thankful Mom Page as a separate blog post because they were particularly meaningful.

I may add them again this week, not necessarily as a separate post, but possibly to the end of this post; I’ll see what seems best. I love the discussions on FB, but they disappear quickly and I don’t want anyone to miss them.

You may want to read: Tuesday Topic: How Have You Been Changed by Adoption and Your Thoughts on How You’ve Been Changed by Adoption/Foster Care

Have a great day, friends! I can’t wait to hear from you.

Lisa

Tuesday Topic: How Do We Encourage Our Teens (and older kids) to Contribute (especially in summer)?

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It’s been a while since we had a Tuesday Topic – this week, we hear from an adoptive single mom of three teens:

I’m a single adoptive Mom to three – ages 17, 17 and 12.  I work full time, try to get kids to therapy, med reviews, probation, and court.  We juggle as many as seven social workers and respite providers.  Obviously we are surrounded by dedicated folks trying to help me and the kids succeed.

BUT, despite this, I have never been successful getting the kids to help around the house.  Not only will they not do dishes, take out garbage or clean the living room, but they won’t make their own beds, put clothes away, or collect laundry.  All three can do these things, I’ve taught them and have seen them do so, though usually under duress. This summer they are just hanging out, eating, sleeping and playing video games.  Won’t do even the few little things I ask.  I get frustrated and yell, they shut down even more. What provisions should I make?

 This is a challenge for so many families, especially in the summer!  How do we encourage our teens to contribute to the running of our household?
We would love to hear your ideas!  Comment below or head over to our Facebook page!
Encourage one another!

Tuesday Topic: How Do We Help One Child Without Neglecting the Others?

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This week’s Tuesday Topic comes from a dad who wants help for his family.

We feel defeated by this child

We have 4 children at home: ages, 13, 11, 9, 4 (the 4 year old is our former foster son). We home school all the children. We have had the 4 year old since he was 3 months old. He was a drug baby, but not sure what drugs, and we are pretty certain there was alcohol in the pregnancy. He spent the first 3 months of his life in Children’s Hospital as he was born with his intestines outside his body; he had surgery and seems to be fine.

Obviously we are having some problems with him; so we started reading The Connected Child. It seems that all of the suggestions from the book are time consuming, and my wife feels like she simply cannot do all of the suggested things without neglecting the others. I know the book is not assuming that families only have one child. Sure he is only 4 years old, but he runs the house. He will scream and scream when my wife tells him “no.” She tries to correct with words, but it fails. She has tried to ignore but he will escalate until she responds.

Tuesday Topic: How do you Handle Gifts?

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Today’s question is from Bonnie who asks,

Well-meaning people, without asking us first, from church, doctor’s offices, or family, give gifts or food to our kids from Haiti (we have never had this with our two older adopted girls, and they feel snubbed sometimes).  Some of these gifts are inappropriate for their developmental abilities and we are caught having to be the “bad guys” and take them away.

Any ideas?

Tuesday Topic: What Advice Would You Give to a Teacher?

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This week’s Tuesday Topic comes from Lydia.

This is my second year teaching First Grade. I have had a lot of experience with children with many different needs both in my parents’ home, camps, and educational settings.  However, there is a particular student in my class this year who comes from “hard places” and I am struggling to set him up for behavioral success.  His behaviors are very impulsive and he struggles to stay on task.  In addition, he is very defiant and often refuses to obey the simplest requests.  Stealing food and lying occur as well.  My typical behavior management tricks do not work with him.