Tuesday Topic: Help! My Son is Rejecting Me

Sometimes a child joins our family through foster care or adoption and pushes us away despite our best efforts. When we’re the parent being rejected, it’s painful and has the potential to reach deeply into our hearts and minds.

Question

This question comes from Lindsey,

My husband and I have been foster parents and are adopting a three yr old boy we have had for 4 months. He was homeless the first 2 yrs of his life, with his father. No mom. My husband and I both work part-time, but my husband is home more than me. Our son has latched onto him but has really rejected me for the most part. 

I am seeing little glimpses of hope, but for the most part, he avoids me and dismisses me, or angrily says “I not talk to you,” or “I not look at you!” We have had many different children with different disabilities/backgrounds/ages, but never this situation. Any tips?

Your Thoughts

Please offer your thoughts, experiences, words of encouragement, and advice in the comments for Lindsey. You don’t need to be an expert, even an “I’ve been there,” is helpful.


If you have a question you would like me to share as a Tuesday Topic, email it to me at [email protected]

Please put “Tuesday Topic” in the subject line to help me stay just slightly organized.

It feels great to have Tuesday Topics rolling again – I love hearing from you! Last week I added Facebook comments from my One Thankful Mom Page as a separate blog post because they were particularly meaningful.

I may add them again this week, not necessarily as a separate post, but possibly to the end of this post; I’ll see what seems best. I love the discussions on FB, but they disappear quickly and I don’t want anyone to miss them.

You may want to read: Tuesday Topic: How Have You Been Changed by Adoption and Your Thoughts on How You’ve Been Changed by Adoption/Foster Care

Have a great day, friends! I can’t wait to hear from you.

Lisa

Finally Home

I’m home!

Welcome, friends. For some of you, this is a welcome back, and for newer friends, this may be your first time here at One Thankful Mom.

This is where I found my voice and began writing in earnest as a mom of children from “hard places.” I took a detour a year ago to Thankful Moms, and learned a lot from that experience, but this is home for me.

The site is still in process and you will see changes happening for awhile. Some will be very small, others larger, as I grow into my space with the help of my amazing web designer, Sharon Hujik.

I hope you love what you see. I’m wide open to your feedback here in the comments, or through the “contact” form which comes straight to me.

I have loads of ideas for new features and I hope to resurrect some old ones. Remember Tuesday Topics? There were some rich conversations there.

Thank you for sharing my life and letting me share yours. I am honored you choose to read my words.

You give me a reason to keep writing after all these years.

Lisa

 

The Healing Power of Wearing Love

Love is a powerful force for healing in our lives, both for our children and for us.

Eby-at-four

When one of our sons was young, he needed many reminders that Russ and I would be his parents forever. We would not leave him. We would not go away.

A very wise therapist advised us to take a picture with him, then print and laminate a few copies. One was hung next to his bed and another pinned inside the little tent he slept in at the time (a sensory processing tool).  A third hung on a piece of yarn he wore around his neck during the day, better yet, we should have put it on a stretchy bracelet or clipped it to his shirt for safety.

Anchors in the Day for Calmer Kids (and Mom)

Anchors in the day provide kids with predictable structure helping them feel calmer and able to trust their needs will be met and we will keep them safe.

sleeping W

Last week I wrote the post, High Structure Parenting for Anxious Kids. As I wrote, I recalled another significant key to creating calm days for our family.

Anchors

Anchors are solid, predictable events that hold our day in place.

These anchors may not occur at exactly the same time each day (at least not for me), but they occur in the same order and same basic time period.

When the children were young and I homeschooled, those anchors were Breakfast, Quiet Hour, and Dinner.

The kids had routines flowing around these anchors. In the morning they got up and dressed, did chores, helped with little ones, and then we paused.

Anchor #1: Breakfast

Following breakfast there was schoolwork, little ones playing, diapers, morning naps for babies, more chores, more playing, more schoolwork, morning snack, laundry, chores, schoolwork, lunch – you get the picture. Then we paused again.

High Structure Parenting for Anxious Kids

Just what is High Nurture/High Structure Parenting and how does it help anxious kids?

Daddy Kalkidan reading

Last September I wrote a post explaining high nurture/high structure parenting and I was reminded of something from Kalkidan’s early days in our family.

Due to trauma, Kalkidan was extremely hypervigilant, she was always watching and listening, always in a state of fear. Even after being safe and loved for a long time, she remained hypervigilant.

She needed nurture and she was desperate for structure.

My Friends-letter – I Did It!

I sent out my email newsletter, what I call my “friends-letter,” today!

This required watching a long YouTube tutorial, lots of trial and error, and quite of bit of anxiety when I hit “send,” but I think I did it right.

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I plan to use the weekly(ish) friends-letter to write a more personal note to you, especially if you’ve known me a long time, or would like to know me a little better.

Blog posts tend to be more topical and to the point. The friends-letter could include more about my family life, books I’m reading, maybe even favorite recipes. I’ll ask what you want to hear.

If you used to get my posts delivered to you by email, you may like this too, because I’ll often include links to the posts from the previous week.

If you’d like a more personal note from me, once a week or so, use this link to sign up!

Thank you for reading, encouraging, and walking with me through life.

Lisa