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Money is a tricky subject and every family manages it differently. I’m trying something new with Greenlight.

My oldest is 32. Not to sound all nostalgic, but money was simpler when she was growing up. No phones. Lots of chores done for the sake of our homeschooling family. No allowance, but we met needs as they came up. She and her siblings earned money babysitting and later had jobs.

There is a 20-year span between my oldest and youngest – a lot has changed.

My youngest kids are now 12  and 14. They’re growing up in a radically different world and somewhat different family. They go to school, play lots of sports, go to the local pool and gym with their friends, attend athletic camps, and are generally busy outside of our home.

We’re trying something new.

Greenlight

Last weekend I set up an account with Greenlight. Their website says, “Greenlight_® is the debit card for kids that parents manage from their phones with flexible parental controls.”

[After I started writing this, I found out I can refer friends! When you use this special link, we’ll both get $10!]

This is different from a standard debit card because I preloaded my parent account and now I can transfer small amounts (even $1) as often as I like. The money is immediately added to their cards.

We don’t pay them for basic household chores, but when I offer an extra chore, like vacuuming my car, I can pay them without scraping together loose change! That’s a game-changer for me.

And with a wedding at our house next month, there is plenty of extra work to be done, which means money to be earned.

Want to go to the movies with your friends? Ask mom for a paid chore.

Need money to pay for lunch at a basketball tournament? Mom can put extra cash on your card. If you want to spend more than she gave you, check your balance and see if you have enough.

With a smartphone, kids can check their Greenlight app to see the current balance on their cards and track their purchases.

How many times have I asked, “Where did that $5 go?” and been met with, “I don’t know.” Now we’ll know exactly when and where it was spent.

There are lots of other features:

• Money can be put in permission-based categories such as “spend anywhere” or spend only at a specific place.
• Track chores and pay automatically.
• Money can be divided into categories of: spend, save, give.
• Real-time notifications so you know where and when your kids are spending money.
• Lost cards can be turned off with one tap on the app.

When my boys have cash, it disappears quickly. I hope this slows them down because they’ll see more clearly the value of their work. How many weeds did I pull for this money? Do I really want to spend it on candy at the pool?

They’ll also see how quickly money is gone if they forget to pack food for an event and spend it on snacks.

This could be even more useful for kids who struggle with impulsivity or who are easily tricked into giving their cash away.

We’re trying it for free for 30 days. Will it be worth the $4.99/month fee per family? We’ll decide at the end of the summer. I expect it’s going to be a bargain for the stress it lifts off me.

We’ve had a lot of tension over money because situations pop up all the time and I never have cash. I hate being the mom whose kid rides to an event with someone and they end up buying food for my child when they stop after a game. Or I scrambled for cash but didn’t send quite enough.

This will help with birthday money from grandparents too. A portion can go on the card for spending and the balance will be saved for something special.

Greenlight is brand new to us, but I see the potential for it being really positive.

If you decided to try it, you can use this special link and we’ll both get $10!

I’m curious, how do you manage money with your kids?

Lisa

Should you become a foster or adoptive parent?

While I can’t tell you what’s right for your family, our story may help you.

Sometimes we need to jump in over our heads simply because God asks us to. That’s what happened to us a few years ago when we unexpectedly became foster parents.

Becoming Foster Parents

This is the very short version of our adoption history. We had seven children by birth, adopted three from Ethiopia, adopted one more from Ethiopia. Adoption rocked our world and took us on a journey like nothing we could have imagined.

Even after parenting for twenty years, taking classes, reading books and preparing in all the ways we knew, nothing could have prepared us for the impact our children’s early trauma had on our family.

We struggled – a lot.

And we loved – a lot.

Then we faced a devastating tragedy. Russ and I were in a car accident with our daughter, Kalkidan, and she didn’t survive. We were plunged into grief and pain.

I spent many months recovering from physical injuries. The recovery of our hearts continues.

Two years after our accident I started a ministry at my church for foster families. I thought we might foster some day; maybe when we’d recovered more from our loss and our family felt whole again. For now, I wanted my church to become engaged with caring for vulnerable children.

Then I got a call from a caseworker asking if we could take a teen girl for one respite night. We figured we could handle that.

One night became two, and two nights became two weeks. There were no foster families in our community open to a teen at the time and we learned she would be placed nearly two hours away. This meant a greater distance from her family and a third new high school.

Our hearts were stirred. We weren’t ready – in fact, we were scared.

In our adoptions, we’d walked through some deep, dark places. Our family was doing better and we didn’t want to put our children through any more suffering, especially as a result of our choices.

And besides, we were grieving; grief was sometimes exhausting and even cruel.

Then there was Zoe with her own very hard story, her own losses and grief. Yet, she seemed to fit in and we felt comfortable with her. She was a real person, not a theoretical foster youth. She sat at our table, laughed with the other kids, and let me teach her how to cook dinner.

Amazingly, it turned out that after years of doing intense therapeutic parenting with some of our children, Zoe didn’t require parenting at that level. I remembered what it felt like to be a regular mom doing a decent job.

I’m not saying it was a complete breeze. The foster care learning curve was steep.

Who were all of these workers and what were their jobs? How and where did visits happen? Who made decisions for Zoe? Me? Her mom? Her social worker?

When we had our home study, I didn’t even realize that’s what was happening. I had no idea what I was doing.

The foster parent training classes took time we didn’t have. But if we wanted to keep Zoe in our family – and we did, we were required to participate in 27 hours of training. Thankfully, the classes were good and we enjoyed the other foster parents.

Surprises in Foster Care

The biggest surprise was the relationship we formed with Zoe’s family. Somehow I thought foster parents were anonymous to kids’ families. While that’s essential when the family is dangerous to the child, it wasn’t necessary in our case. We got to know them over many months. Her family has been in our home and we’ve been in theirs. We’ve met grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Her brothers borrow tools for their cars on occasion and one of them cooked dinner for us a few weeks ago.

Unexpectedly, we navigated questions of adoption and guardianship. We learned it’s not straightforward with a teen, especially one with a big family who loves her.

Based on the number of months Zoe had already been in foster care, we thought that two-week stay might extend to six months.

It’s been 2 1/2 years. If there’s anything I’ve learned, foster care is full of uncertainty.

This month Zoe turns 18. We thought she would stay until she graduated in June, but she’s made a plan to share an apartment with her brothers. She’s ready to be with her family. While I have lots of conflicting emotions, she’ll always be part of our family too.

Besides, she’s only moving two miles away.

I’m not sure how to commemorate this transition or what our role will be in her future. But she’s let us know we’d better finish building the new patio in time for her graduation party.

The Big Question

This leads me back to the beginning of this story and the big question.

Do I think we should always jump in and say “yes” when a need comes our way?

No, I don’t. We need to be wise.

Consider the needs of the children already in your home. Their safety and well-being always come first. We had two weeks with Zoe to get to know her and feel as sure as we could that this would work.

Your marriage matters too. Those of us loving and caring for vulnerable children often have tender hearts. If our marriages fail under the weight of saying “yes” too many times, everyone suffers.

Be wise. Listen well. Pray, a lot.

Then when God tells you to leap – jump high and far with all your strength. He knows where you’ll land.

Since writing this, Zoe turned 18 and did move into an apartment with her brothers. She is graduating from high school this Friday and we’re hosting her graduation party.

It’s been a beautiful journey.

Courage and hope, my friends.

Lisa

Last week I pushed myself way out of my comfort zone for the sake of connection.

Being a mom for 32 years has taught me that doing what feels good to me doesn’t lead to close relationships with the people I love. This is how I found myself layered in a down jacket and snow pants spending the day in a snow-covered sagebrush meadow.

In the spirit of being a supportive mom,  I chaperoned Wogayu’s 6th-grade class trip to McCall Outdoor Science School. I’m not great at committing when I have no idea what to expect, and I was worried about two things: being cold and not sleeping.

McCall is beautiful. The drive reminded me how much I love Idaho; there’s so much room to breathe. The landscape is turning green and the views were spectacular.

I shared a cabin with seven girls I’d never met. They were excited and could have talked all night; I fell asleep before they did both nights. Tuesday morning we gathered our group of kids for a full day outdoors in the snow. Thankfully, despite it being May, I obeyed the packing list and had warm clothes and snow boots.

I loved watching the kids explore, observe, and learn – the homeschooling mama in me took it all in. I also really enjoyed seeing Wogayu in the midst of his peers as they worked together.

Leaving Wednesday was a little sad – I felt like I was just settling in and getting to know the kids. But I needed to be back for Claire’s track meet since the season is nearly over and I hadn’t made it to one yet.

As I wrote in my weekly email (which I would love to send to you):

I’m so used to thinking I can’t do things like this. For years I had babies, lots of babies, so it was an obvious “No.” Then I had children I couldn’t possibly leave and we were barely surviving. That season was followed by four years of recovering, grieving, and still dealing with significant challenges.

Here’s the good news, friend. We won’t stay in the hardest of the hard forever with our kids. God is always working, always loving us, always with us – and there is hope. I would never have believed life would become more stable and I would have more capacity. I couldn’t even lift my head to imagine a good future.

But God…

Even one year ago I wouldn’t have considered going. It still felt so hard to be with lots of other people, especially strangers and I didn’t have the capacity to do something completely new.

I’m just so glad I said, “Yes.”

SO many details to share:

Mother’s Day is coming soon and it can be bittersweet, especially for adoptive and foster moms. Melissa and I share five practical tips for navigating this complex day in episode #36 of The Adoption Connection podcast.

During the month of April, we read Faith, Hope, & Connection: A 30-Day Devotional for Adoptive and Foster Parents, together in my private Facebook group. The conversations were so sweet. If you haven’t read it yet and you need a boost of encouragement, grab a copy and join the group. The daily discussion posts are easy to find and it’s never too late to join the conversation.

I’ll be speaking at the Replanted Conference (formerly Refresh Chicago) October 24-26. Join me!

Lastly, the deadline for submitting my book manuscript is nearly here (May 13th) and I have a big week of wrapping up details in addition to celebrating Annarose’s college graduation next Saturday. It’s going to be quite a week!

Courage and hope, my friends.

Lisa

My son crawled wearily into bed, barely pulling the covers around him. “I don’t know why I’m so tired,” he said as he closed his eyes. “Probably because you had a full day of school followed by wrestling practice.” “Mm-hmm,” he whispered.

I looked at this beautiful boy, on the brink of being a teen, and breathed in, my eyes filling with tears. I love being his mom.

Adoption is complicated. We step into brokenness with hearts longing to bring wholeness to our children. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

I thought I had what it would take to parent my children; I was wrong.

Thankfully, I know the One who does have what it takes, in fact, He has it all. I turn to God again and again as I parent my kids and He pours out peace and grace. I spend a lot more time praying and trusting now than I did when I was young.

Adoption and foster care reveal our own brokenness in unexpected ways. Our own sinful hearts are examined and found wanting, which is ultimately good news because we find ourselves once again in need of Jesus.

So much loss, and love, and sorrow, and joy.

I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

I’ve been a little quiet here because I’m putting final touches on my manuscript which is due in May. Can you believe it?

You can keep up with the book progress by joining my inner circle of readers who get a short and sweet email from me each week. Even when I’m not blogging regularly, I’m keeping up with my people.

I’m also producing podcast episodes with Melissa, my co-founder at The Adoption Connection. We just recorded one today about unexpected losses and grief in foster care and adoption.

[This post contains Amazon Affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.]

Lastly, there’s still time to join my book group as we read, Faith, Hope, & Connection: A 30-Day Devotional for Adoptive and Foster Parents.

Follow these steps to join me:

1. Order the book on Amazon.  You can even get it on Kindle and have it today.

2. Join my Facebook group, The Adoption Connection.

3. Join the discussions if you like. Invite your spouse or a friend to read it too.

Much love, my friend. Thank you for reading and walking with me all these years.

Lisa