An Only Child for a Short Time

beza and mimi
Silly Selfies at the Wedding

Beza left on her Colorado adventure this morning. She is nervous and excited to visit friends who live in a small town in the mountains. Beza finds it very hard to be one kid in the midst of many and thrives when she can be an “only child.” She readily admits that she doesn’t like sharing me with her siblings and actually doesn’t like sharing any important adults in her life with other kids. As you can imagine, this makes for some very difficult days for her, the other kids, and me. 

Beza has experienced great deprivation in her life and looks at life with scarcity always in mind. There is not enough to go around – not enough food, clothing, attention, or love. Sometimes I feel so angry at the harm done to her by growing up in an orphanage. Orphanage life and family life are nothing alike, and the skills necessary for survival there don’t just fall away. She spent eight of her first ten years being one of many children with only staff to care for her. She’s now spent nearly six years in our family.

This is slow healing and it takes a huge amount of effort from Beza and us. We’re so proud of the gains she is making!

In order to make her flight, Beza and Russ left the house at 3:30 am and on their way to Spokane, they hit a deer. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when Russ told me that the car is still drivable.  I haven’t seen it yet, but suffice it to say that old minivan already looked bad, so I can’t imagine how it looks now. Thankfully, they made it to the airport in the nick of time.

We hope she’ll have a wonderful time, have adventures, grow in her faith, make new friends, and count this as a wonderful time in her life.

Summer brings so many opportunities, especially for teens who are old enough to be a little independent. Do your kids (or you) have any special plans?

Lisa

 

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Let me introduce myself. Russ and I are the parents of twelve children by birth and adoption, and sometimes more through foster care. I'm the creator of One Thankful Mom which has been as much of a gift to me as to my readers. In 2011 I became a TBRI® Pracitioner* and have lived and breathed connected parenting ever since. I'm deeply honored to be the co-author, together with the late Dr. Karyn Purvis, of The Connected Parent; it is her final written work. I love speaking at events for adoptive and foster parents. I'm also the co-founder of The Adoption Connection, a podcast and resource site for adoptive moms. I mentor and encourage adoptive moms so you can find courage and hope in your journeys of loving your children well.

0 Comments

  1. adventisthomemaker
    June 17, 2014

    I'm glad everyone is ok after hitting that deer! Love the selfies. 😀

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      June 17, 2014

      That is just the beginning of the wedding selfies!

      Reply
  2. Alyssa
    June 17, 2014

    Hope she has a great trip- it 's good how you have friends and family who step in to give that attention.
    My daughter (17) is flying by herself for the first time. She is going form Oregon to Mississippi for a Ballet Intensive study with a Christian Company, Ballet Magnificat. I'm praying that she will grow a lot during this time. She's had a hard year with some health things and friend things and I hope this will be really good for her as she looks toward her senior year and possible career in dance.
    Otherwise we are looking forward to a family trip to relax and enjoy some of Oregon's beauty.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      June 17, 2014

      I hope it's a wonderful experience for your daughter.

      Reply
    2. Joelle
      June 19, 2014

      That's a wonderful program. A family friend studied there after graduation. She now has her own ballet company near Chicago with the express purpose of evangelism in the city. Hope all goes well for your daughter.

      Reply
  3. Jennifer
    June 26, 2014

    My oldest bio child feels this same way. She was so angry when I told her I was pregnant with my third and even more upset to find out she was a girl. My oldest is now 22 years old and still has a strained relationship with her sister who is 9. We brought home our son a year and a half ago and she really doesn't understand why we continue to want more children. She is in constant competition for my time and I find it very stressful. I really hope and pray that her feelings will change after she becomes a mother herself.

    Reply
    1. Lisa Qualls
      June 27, 2014

      That sounds very hard, Jennifer; it must hurt your heart sometimes. Maybe this is something only the Holy Spirit can do. Blessings to you.

      Reply

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