Thank you for your kind and supportive words as I share the story of the accident and our loss of Kalkidan. I’ve written the next section, but I want Russ to read it before I publish – while I’m writing only my memories, I need to be sure that I’m telling it as well as I can.
Yesterday Russ and Beza left on a quick trip to Seattle for a medical appointment at Children’s. While there they picked up some great patio furniture a friend is passing to us as they prepare to move to a new home. Funny thing is, we don’t have a patio. We’ve long dreamed of building one, but it hasn’t made it to the top of our list.
Before the accident we wrestled with building an addition or remodeling our garage into bedrooms. We had settled on the remodel, but were torn about the project; it really wasn’t what we wanted for our home. Unless the Lord moves us, we intend to live in this house at least 15 more years and maybe many more; the thought of not having a garage for storage or parking made my heart sink.
We live in north Idaho, where it is cold and snowy in the winter. We also live on top of a hill where the wind can be downright crazy. One day I would like to leave the house without scraping inches of snow and ice off the windshield, or actually drive into a garage to unload groceries. I’ve never parked in our garage (it’s been full of storage for a family of 13), but it’s something I dream of in the future.
Last week Russ and I decided that we aren’t going to make any major changes to our house in 2015. We’ve been encouraged not to make any big decisions at all as we move through this year. Grief is a long, muddling process that pulls on us nearly all the time. We are not ourselves – truly. We’re sustained by the love of God, and the love and kindness lavished on us by our family and friends, including many of you.
While we won’t be remodeling or building an addition this year, we are going to build our patio. The patio will be a little spot where we can gather with the people we love. It will be a place to make memories, to talk, cry, pray, to look out over the yard and pasture, and breathe in the beauty of what God has created. I imagine myself sipping coffee and writing in the early summer mornings. I see us gathered in the dark around a fire, holding hands and talking quietly.
This will be a very therapeutic project for Russ, who loves to work outdoors. We’re also going to begin working on Kalkidan’s garden – our special place for remembering her. I’ll share more about it when I have the heart to tell that story.
We want the patio to be a special gathering place. It needs to be big enough to hold all of us for Sunday family dinner, and I want space for a fire pit for cool evenings. It’s difficult for me to sustain focus on much of anything right now, but I’m peeking at Pinterest for ideas – all suggestions are welcome.
Spring break is nearly over, and I think we’re going to make it through. I’ve left the house more this week than I have since Christmas. It has stretched me, fatigued me, and been good for me too.
How are you, friends? Leave me a comment and tell me about your spring, your life, your projects. I would love to hear from you.
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