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Just in case I’ve ever given the impression that I am anything but a flawed mother, here is a little story for you.

I was having a hectic morning.  The tablet on my desk had a “To-do” list that filled the page.  Piles of dirty clothes crowded into my laundry room and breakfast dishes filled the counters.  I breathed deeply and moved quickly from one task to another while also finding a Band-aid, getting drinks, wiping up a spill, etc.  I felt just a tad bit harried.

The kitchen began to look better, the washer and dryer were running, it was almost time for me to tackle my list…and then the little boys asked for one…more…thing. I heard myself saying much too loudly, “I will get you a snack, but DO NOT ASK ME FOR ONE MORE THING!”  Samuel and Rusty glanced up from the computer and I felt a twinge of shame.  It was not pretty and even as I was saying it I knew I should stop, slow down, breathe, and speak calmly.

Eby and Little Man froze, looking at me with wide open eyes.  Then Eby jerked away from the counter and crossed his arms over his chest.  I was chastened by his response.  I went to him and touched his arm; he pulled away.  I knelt down and held out my arms to  him; I told  him I was sorry for shouting and asked him to forgive me.  He fell into my arms saying, “You scared me!”  My heart clenched.  I’m the mommy; I’m the one who is supposed to be helping heal his broken, scared heart.  Then, through his tears he said, “You…broke…my…heart.”

My heart was broken by his words.

I need to calm myself in order to heal my child’s heart and use a voice that communicates love.  And if I just can’t get it together, I need to take a moment to pray, breathe, and calm myself, even if it means locking myself in the bathroom for five minutes.

We spent a little bit of extra time snuggling on the sofa while reading stories before Quiet Hour.  I gave the boys extra hugs and kisses.  Thankfully my little boys love me, despite my faults – amazing love.

Don’t forget to add your thoughts to this week’s Tuesday Topic: What Led You to Adopt? I’ll compile your responses and post them tomorrow afternoon or evening.  Join the conversation!

~Lisa



  1. heather Antoine (Reply) on Monday 19, 2010

    Thank God He has given us forgiveness!!!!

  2. Laurel (Reply) on Monday 19, 2010

    Been there. Done that.

    Sorry you had a bad morning.

    Thank you for you openness and honesty. None of us are perfect mommies, and we need to know that we are not alone.

    Laurel

  3. Cat (Reply) on Monday 19, 2010

    This one hits far too close to home… thanks for sharing. I needed the reminder myself…

  4. Donna (Reply) on Monday 19, 2010

    And that He forgives us again and again!!

    I know the days all too well!!!

  5. Jess (Reply) on Monday 19, 2010

    Oh my gosh Lisa, I can't believe I'm reading this! Out of desperation, I almost emailed you last night! Yesterday afternoon, I did the exact same thing. I snapped at my daughter. I felt terrible. She felt hurt. After we took a few moments together, and after she accepted my apology, I took a few quiet moments to myself and I wondered how in the world you handled everything…How do you handle the lists, the laundry, the cooking, all the while having other things constantly asked of you? You always seem to be so purposful and organized with your time, and so sincere and loving in your interactions with all of your children…I was starting to think maybe I didn't have what it takes to have a big family! Thank you for showing me that we all have those days!

    • OneThankfulmom (Reply) on Monday 19, 2010

      Jess, I am all too human and I fail on a regular basis. But the truly Good News is that we are a forgiven people – we can seek God and His mercies are new every single morning. I am profoundly thankful for that. Today has been hectic, frustrating, and all too busy, but I'm trying to laugh at the things that could be completely irritating. Kids truly are funny.

  6. April (Reply) on Monday 19, 2010

    I think one of the most amazing gifts we can give our children is to ask them for forgiveness when we have done wrong. I remember growing up never, ever, never hearing my parents say I'm sorry. Their emotions fell on my shoulders and I always felt a responsibility to make them feel better. Your kids are blessed to have a mom that can say I'm sorry, please forgive me.
    Good for you Lisa. I know it doesn't feel like it but you made angels smile today.

  7. @mk_q (Reply) on Monday 19, 2010

    Awww, this made me sad. I know how hard it can be, mom. I thought my head would pop off after just half an hour alone with the kids on Sunday afternoon.

    Love you,
    Mimi

  8. Julie (Reply) on Monday 19, 2010

    Oh Lisa, I'm sorry. This is a lesson that I keep learning over and over again. I always wish I had stopped myself before it went that far. Thank God that love covers a multitude of sin and our kids are abundantly forgiving. Isn't it good that God is more patient with us than we are with our kids? (I would be in serious trouble.)

    You're a good mommy. You are. You can do this. Just pick yourself up and pray for God to restore what was lost.

    Wishing you a peaceful day, clean laundry, and lots of checked boxes today.

    Love,
    Julie

  9. coffeemom (Reply) on Monday 19, 2010

    Oh…hugs to YOU. I have done that exact thing…it's so easy to do when you are feeling harried. I totally get it. Aw…ouch. And you did exactly what you needed, what he needed, both, to recover. sigh. Some days are hard. You're such a good mom.

  10. Lori (Reply) on Monday 19, 2010

    Thanks for being so transparent. When I have "moments" like these I am humbled and ashamed. With my children I have found that saying "I am sorry means alot!"

  11. Shannon (Reply) on Monday 19, 2010

    i'm so glad that im not the only one…

  12. KIm (Reply) on Monday 19, 2010

    It's a testament to your better moments that he was able to verbalize his feelings and felt safe doing so with you – makes the resolution that much quicker! Thanks for posting this!

  13. Chris Mott (Reply) on Monday 19, 2010

    I can so relate to your emotion as well as your son's. We too have had those moments. I do think God allows us to go there to reveal the darkness in us mom's as well as what lurks down deep in our broken hearted adoptive children. God has always brought the silver lining to the moments to share his love, forgiveness and for us to draw closer to him as well as each other.
    I love reading your posts, they are such a blessing!!! I pray God continue to strengthen you, restore you, lift you up and fill you with the love and joy of the holy spirit each day!!!