Just in case I’ve ever given the impression that I am anything but a flawed mother, here is a little story for you.
I was having a hectic morning. The tablet on my desk had a “To-do” list that filled the page. Piles of dirty clothes crowded into my laundry room and breakfast dishes filled the counters. I breathed deeply and moved quickly from one task to another while also finding a Band-aid, getting drinks, wiping up a spill, etc. I felt just a tad bit harried.
The kitchen began to look better, the washer and dryer were running, it was almost time for me to tackle my list…and then the little boys asked for one…more…thing. I heard myself saying much too loudly, “I will get you a snack, but DO NOT ASK ME FOR ONE MORE THING!” Samuel and Rusty glanced up from the computer and I felt a twinge of shame. It was not pretty and even as I was saying it I knew I should stop, slow down, breath, and speak calmly.
Eby and Little Man froze, looking at me with wide open eyes. Then Eby jerked away from the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. I was chastened by his response. I went to him and touched his arm; he pulled away. I knelt down and held out my arms to him; I told him I was sorry for shouting and asked him to forgive me. He fell into my arms saying, “You scared me!” My heart clenched. I’m the mommy; I’m the one who is supposed to be helping heal his broken, scared heart. Then, through his tears he said, “You…broke…my…heart.”
My heart was broken by his words.
I need to calm myself in order to heal my child’s heart and use a voice that communicates love. And if I just can’t get it together, I need to take a moment to pray, breathe, and calm myself, even if it means locking myself in the bathroom for five minutes.
We spent a little bit of extra time snuggling on the sofa while reading stories before Quiet Hour. I gave the boys extra hugs and kisses. Thankfully my little boys love me, despite my faults – amazing love.
Don’t forget to add your thoughts to this week’s Tuesday Topic: What Led You to Adopt? I’ll compile your responses and post them tomorrow afternoon or evening. Join the conversation!