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Friends, thank you for your outpouring of love yesterday; your comments made me cry. There is such warmth and hope in the companionship we offer one another on this journey. Russ and I pray that God will make a smooth path and give us direction as we seek help for Dimples and our family.  Our minds fill with so many ideas and plans that swirl about – but we need only one plan, and that is the one God has already prepared for us.

Please keep praying as you think of us.

I have some good news to share – the winner of last week’s giveaway, and a new one coming right up.

The randomly chosen winner of  Mary’s cookbook, Family Feasts for $75 a Week, is Captain Murdock!

I save money at the grocery store by shopping the sale ads, buying lots of meat (particularly chicken) when it’s on sale and then planning my weekly menu accordingly. Furthermore, kid’s lunches are almost always leftovers from dinner the night(s) before.

Thank you to everyone who participated.  Tomorrow I will have a giveaway for a new family Christmas book; it will be a quick one day opportunity because the publisher wants to get it mailed to the winner as soon as possible.

And now for a quick Tuesday Topic question – from me,

What do you think is most needed for post-adoption support?

You can name one thing, or give me a list.  I would love to hear from you.

Encourage one another,

Lisa

 



  1. Lauren h (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

    Wow, there is so much that I didn't have when we brought our son home. The firsts hung I needed was a network of people to tell me I wasn't crazy and i was not alone in the battles that came. I think agencies need to give families better pre adoption education and continue the classes after children are home and you have figured out what some of the major issues you are facing are. After our son came home and it was a very different experience than we had heard about from other families and didn't match the examples in our classes, our social worker told us "you have two other kids, you've done this before. You'll be fine." But we were not fine, we were far from fine. I think social workers need to be schooled better In Trauma and have the resources to give to families. Maybe it's just ours that didn't know, but the more I learn the more I think it's not. I felt lost and alone.

  2. Erika (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

    there are so many needs for post-adoption support! I needed them all :)
    1. A mentor that I could call day or night who would talk to me without judgement
    2. A list of therapists who specialized in Developmental Trauma Disorder
    3. A list of therapies and what they all mean for me and my child
    4. A list of yahoo groups that I can join (or Facebook groups)
    I'm sure there is more, but these are on the forefront of my mind :)

    • Michelle (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

      YES!!!! Love this list! Number one would have been AMAZING! I will add one to the list…food AFTER the honeymoon.

    • Louise Brodecky Hudson (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

      I wholeheartedly agree with this list. These things would be incredibly helpful.

  3. Tricia (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

    This may not be the "Christian" answer, but….here is what has hands down helped me most. Working with my own therapist. Would have been great if I had done all of this work pre-adoption, but adoption is what created enough pain that I went to get help.

    Other really important things: a willingness to change and learn new ways of doing things; a supportive group of others who "get" this journey; a church that understands and has compassion – or a really big one where you don't stand out! ; ways to get breaks – that can take a lot of forms; a tenacity to learn new things if needed; a thick skin and ability to not get too uptight about what others think of you; and the list could go on and on….

  4. Tricia Sayre (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

    1. To find people who are on the same journey, who understand what we're going through.. and for them to call/message us to check in to see how we're doing (many don't ask for help)
    2. Find an adoption support network… ie. facebook groups, church, etc.
    3. Continued training… Karyn Purvis videos are great for that!
    4. A prayer partner

  5. courtneycassada (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

    people that are willing to be HONEST with you…and that are willing to hear you be honest with them!

  6. Karen K. (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

    REAL pre-adoption information and education. A requirement that parents read books like Attachment in Adoption and Adopting the Hurt Child and the Connected Child, Love and Logic, Beyond Consquences BEFORE deciding on an age range. I was so blind-sided — "kids from Ethiopia have attached once and so will easily attach again." Right-oh. Here we are three years in and still struggling. Along with hundreds of other families. And real post-adoption support from agencies — support that they don't charge for — if they are going to place a hurt/raging/traumatized child in your home, they need to be responsible for whatever help you need to deal with that child. THEY need to tell US where the attachment therapsits are in our area, not make us flail around. Social workers who take us seriously and provide real, helpful advice on dealing with behaviors when we reach out in desperation.. REAL information that likely if you are adopting an older child that you will be three, five, seven, or more years in and still dealing with anger, grief, trauma, and attachment. So I guess I'm saying the best post-adoption support is pre-adoption up-front HONEST information.

  7. Denise (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

    Respite. My kids are from tough places. The one thing I struggle to find is good respite.

  8. Leah (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

    Respite is my number one. After that I would add my personal therapist to help navigate those early months.

  9. Melodie (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

    Lisa, I wanted to say thank you for sharing your journey. I often struggle with how much to say on my blog, wanting to make sure I protect my children. BUT then I realize that there is a wonderful community and support that comes with honesty.

    You not only share the struggles with great regard for your children, YOU share your triumphs and solutions.

    I come back to this blog time after time and glean wisdom for just what I needed to hear at that time.

    Many blessings to you as you journey on, one step at a time.

    Thank you!

  10. Laura (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

    their needs to be more resources on adopting older kids(ages7+) we have worked and focused so much on attachment …specifically how to discipline/use consequences with such kiddos….I know my kids have such traumatic pasts, i know there is such grief, i know the need for attachment and I love Karyn P…..but feel so so lost in how to discipline/have consequences..I feel like no one really knows what to do…or maybe just how to parent in those moments of complete rage/violence when something *has* to be done….

    • Lili (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

      This is a struggle for my husband and me too! Those dozens of times every day when we need to intervene/correct/give consequences for behavior. What do we DO?

      One of my biggest needs, now 2 years after bringing our son home, is friends that KEEP ON listening. Bless my friends' hearts. I feel like I am a basket case every third day or so. Sometimes in my insecurity, I just need them to tell me it's really ok for me to be that way.

  11. Tammy (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

    My son and I are two years into the connecting process…. We are doing well at the moment, but I do not feel that I was adequately prepared for the struggles that we have gone through. I do believe that there needs to be more realistic and honest preparations for families as they prepare to adopt their child(ren).

    With that being said, I do know that as I read The Connected Child on my own, I didn't have a grasp of how that would look in my own situation. I was quite Pollyana like and shrugged some of it off because of my idealistic expectation. I am not sure what it would have taken for me to believe that connecting would be such a struggle. Perhaps being in community with others who had walked the path, I would have realized the long process of connecting.

    I am so thankful for your honest sharing and for those that contribute their posts. It has indeed been helpful for me to gain an understanding that our situation isn't unique and that there is hope.

  12. Emily (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

    No advice. I just love the pic. Love to everyone.

  13. amy (Reply) on Tuesday 18, 2012

    I think for us it was actually for our family and friends to have let us baby our "new" (albeit grown up) babies and do the other things – the mowing the lawn, making dinner, cleaning the house, bringing over flowers, etc. So many people volunteered to take the kids or to babysit or to come over and hang out with the children so I/we could have time to _______________. But as we were trying, fighting and struggling to bond with our kids it was the most helpful to have people who were willing to NOT try and be with the kids but allow us serenity in our home by making it clean, comfortable, cozy, and delicious; so that my/our one and only responsibility was that child – for weeks at least.