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Tuesday Topics and Answers

Tuesday Topic: Favorite Thanksgiving Traditions

By Tuesday November 22, 2011

Thanksgiving is an odd holiday for us.  We’ve spent the vast majority of Thanksgivings celebrating in the homes of friends.  I’m not complaining, in fact, I really enjoy the rare times when we are invited to dinner; it takes a certain level of boldness to invite a family our size over and I always appreciate it.  We usually cook a Thanksgiving dinner of our own, since we want all the yummy leftovers, but we don’t have a long list of special traditions.  I love traditions, and our other holidays are packed with them, so I find myself casting about for meaningful and fun activities.

What are your favorite Thanksgiving traditions?  What does your family look forward to each year?

Will you share some of your ideas, big or small?  I’m sure there are lots of people besides me who would like to add something to this holiday.

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Tuesday Topic: “Let Me Know if You Need Anything.”

By Tuesday October 25, 2011

Not everyone is called to adopt or foster children, but all of us can serve the fatherless by coming alongside the families in our midst who are caring for children.  We want to help, but often we’re not sure how, so we say something like, “Let me know if you need anything.”  Of course, we rarely hear when they do need something because they aren’t really sure what we meant when we made the offer.

Last night as I was reading through emails that have been sitting in my inbox far too long (I apologize profusely!), I noticed some common themes that brought this question to mind,

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Tuesday Topic: Visiting Your Child Prior to Adoption?

By Tuesday October 18, 2011

Last night I got an email from a reader asking my thoughts on whether or not she and her husband should make an early trip to visit the child they are in the process of adopting.  This visit would be prior to the trips that are planned as part of the adoption process.  In their case, the child’s adoption is going to take much longer than they had originally anticipated and they want to go simply “see and be with their child.”

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Tuesday Topic: What Questions Would You Ask?

By Tuesday October 4, 2011

One of Little Man's referral pictures

It’s Tuesday and time for a question from one of you.  Lindsey asked,

I am going over my list of questions to ask (my new) kids’ team. Doctors, therapist, caseworkers, foster parents, will be there. I have a list of questions to take, but I would love  to ask your readers what questions would you ask or did you ask and were there any phrases or catch words that you did not realize were code words for something bigger, deeper.

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My Learning Curve: Caring for Our Other Children

By Wednesday August 31, 2011

Jennifer asked a question yesterday that I want to address if only because we failed in this, learned, failed some more, and now hope we’ve found a reasonable balance. She asked,

How do we focus so much energy on parenting the kids we have from hard places while also parenting the 2-3 young biological kids we have?

When Eby, Little Man, and Dimples joined our family in March 2007, we had seven children by birth ranging in age from twenty to four. The needs of our children were varied and life was demanding, but manageable. There was no “honeymoon” stage for Dimples, she arrived terrified and traumatized and we are still working through it day by day. Unfortunately, we had no idea we were in for a very long healing journey, so we didn’t pace ourselves. Each day was focused on the urgent needs of one, and while we tried to give love and attention to the other nine, we didn’t do it very well.

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Tuesday Topic: Meeting Your Child for the First Time

By Tuesday May 31, 2011

Hello Friends!  It feels great to be posting a Tuesday Topic this week.  I am craving “normal” although I’m not quite sure what that is going to look like this summer.  It has been so nice to have Russ and Samuel home from Kenya and the weekend has been full of friends, both of old and new.

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Tuesday Topic: Does Spring Bring Challenges?

By Tuesday May 3, 2011

Hi Friends!  Yes, it is hard to believe but here is my second Tuesday Topic in a row; even I am amazed.  This is a simple question that nearly all of us can answer.

My friend, Jennifer, wrote:

Do other moms of kids from” hard places” notice a big spike in troublesome behaviors when spring arrives?

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Returning to Visit First (Birth) Family

By Monday May 2, 2011

Honeybee with her sister in Ethiopia

This week’s Tuesday Topic is one I have thought about quite a lot.  Leslie asked the question:

Our 7 year-old Ethiopian daughter, K.,  has been with us for a year.  We are in process of adopting a 3 year old boy and hope to travel for court in July.

We are trying to decide whether to take our daughter with us. I met her birth mother when I was there last year and liked her very much, although, of course,  it was a very emotional meeting.

My husband is concerned about our daughter’s attachment to us being impacted if we take her to visit.  K seems attached to our family and happy.  She used to throw tantrums a least once per day about not getting her way – clothes, food, etc.

In the last month the tantrums have been rare.  She sometimes pouts, but is not crying and throwing herself on the ground.

I would like to take her to visit and we probably will not be going to Ethiopia again for several years.

Has anyone taken their children back to Ethiopia to visit birth relatives after only a year or so?  How did you prepare them?

I know she will feel some sadness but I don’t want her to be devastated and feel torn.

As your comments came in, I read each one and thought to myself, “That is a really good point.”

I have thought about this question every day since I posted it last Wednesday, and to be honest my thoughts have been all over the place as I’ve sifted through the implications of taking your daughter or not taking her.  I am going to offer my opinion, but know that I offer it very humbly and with a rather small voice, because it is a complicated question and there is no one right answer.

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Tuesday Topic: Returning to Visit First (Birth)Families

By Wednesday April 27, 2011

I know it isn’t really Tuesday, but I’ve missed posting your questions the last few weeks and decided I would do one today despite it being Wednesday.  My girls had a four day Easter weekend, so it feels like Tuesday to me!

This great question came from Leslie who asked:

Our 7 year-old Ethiopian daughter, K.,  has been with us for a year.  We are in process of adopting a 3 year old boy and hope to travel for court in July.

We are trying to decide whether to take our daughter with us.

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Tuesday Topic: How Do You Deal with Lying?

By Tuesday March 22, 2011

This has absolutely nothing to do with the topic; it's just a rare and calm moment.

It is 3:00 in the afternoon and I am finally putting up today’s Tuesday Topic. It’s a good one, so even though it hasn’t been up all day, I hope you will take a moment to leave a comment. Stacy wrote,

What looked like an initial easy first 6 months home, one of my new four is now constantly lying to me (never to my husband). She will look right at me, lie then say, “Mom I promise I am not lying!!” This happens over and over for sometimes hours on end, in the meantime she is screaming like a small 2 year old having a fit. She is around 8 years old. I started rocking her in the rocking chair two nights ago and then instantly had two great days, but WHAM, today she is back to not listening to anything I say and lying…

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