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Trauma

Thank you for all of your supportive comments in response to yesterday’s post; you are all so kind.   Since I was on a break from my computer when the criticism began, I was forced to pause and wait a few days before responding.  As a result, you were spared the nasty, provoking, sharp replies that ran through my mind but did not end up here.  Your words encouraged me more than you can know and while I think you are far too generous, I appreciate your kindness.  In the midst of it all, I’m struck by how much pain people carry in their hearts and how we are affected by our histories.

Today I am in awe of the brain and its ability to heal — and I have a story to illustrate it.

One week ago I started my challenge of rocking Honeybee 15 minutes each day. It has not been easy, and I’ve already missed two days – Christmas is a tough time to establish a new routine. But, I know it means the world to Honeybee and it is good for both of our hearts.

How was your Christmas?  If you have children from “hard places,” how did your family navigate the day?

A couple of days before Christmas I began thinking about how to help Dimples have a successful day; last year was tough and I didn’t want to repeat it.  I knew that having food readily available was going to be my first defense toward warding off problems.  Unfortunately, she doesn’t like most foods that are quick and easy snacks, so I had to get creative.

I mentioned in an earlier post that Deborah (our extraordinary adoption therapist) gave me an assignment.  She asked me if I would accept the challenge of giving Honeybee 15 minutes of uninterrupted time in the rocking chair.  As my kids would say, “Not gonna lie…,” that is a tough request for me.

Children with difficult histories thrive on structure and routine. Holidays, breaks from school, and family gatherings generally throw that out the window. How can we help our children be successful in the midst of the celebrations?

Have you heard the great news? Empowered to Connect is coming to Denver this April!  There aren’t many details yet, but block out the weekend on your calendars.

Thanksgiving break was not without challenges; I could have done a better job providing structure, having a written schedule, and more planned activities. Despite that, we saw progress that made all of us pause and take notice.

One day I heard Sunshine practicing the piano, and when I glanced in the living room, I saw Dimples by her side. As I watched I realized that Sunshine was teaching Dimples some of her earlier songs. They had decided that Sunshine would teach piano lessons to Dimples.

Unbelievable – and impossible without the amazing healing hand of God.

One of the great things about having older children who don’t live at home, is  they see us through fresh eyes.  They know us extremely well, but they aren’t with us day after day.

Sweet Pea made an insightful comment last weekend that I’ve been turning over in my mind for days.  For three and a half years Russ and I have been trying everything we possibly can to bring healing to Dimples’ broken heart, teach her to be a “family girl”, give her strategies for calming herself, and on and on.  Sweet Pea observed that for the first time Dimples seems to be working with us – not just waiting for us to fix her, or even resisting healing.  She wants this for herself.

Big Kid Date Night

Last Saturday we sat around a long table, just ten of us, drawing on paper placemats as we waited for our calzones to arrive.  We laughed, told stories, and enjoyed being together.  Nobody spilled their drink, complained about the food, or crawled under the table.  This was a date with our big kids and was one of the best uses of our time and money that we’ve made in a long time.

When we were in Montana last month, Russ and I had time to reflect on our life as a family.  The most significant thing that came to us was the impact our adoptions have had on our older children.