I need to take a moment to thank each one of you who has left a comment about my Tell it Well series. It has done my heart good to hear from you and know that my story is helpful to you, or to your sister, husband, or friend.
AHOPE
Honeybee with her sister in Ethiopia
This week’s Tuesday Topic is one I have thought about quite a lot. Leslie asked the question:
Our 7 year-old Ethiopian daughter, K., has been with us for a year. We are in process of adopting a 3 year old boy and hope to travel for court in July.
We are trying to decide whether to take our daughter with us. I met her birth mother when I was there last year and liked her very much, although, of course, it was a very emotional meeting.
My husband is concerned about our daughter’s attachment to us being impacted if we take her to visit. K seems attached to our family and happy. She used to throw tantrums a least once per day about not getting her way – clothes, food, etc.
In the last month the tantrums have been rare. She sometimes pouts, but is not crying and throwing herself on the ground.
I would like to take her to visit and we probably will not be going to Ethiopia again for several years.
Has anyone taken their children back to Ethiopia to visit birth relatives after only a year or so? How did you prepare them?
I know she will feel some sadness but I don’t want her to be devastated and feel torn.
As your comments came in, I read each one and thought to myself, “That is a really good point.”
I have thought about this question every day since I posted it last Wednesday, and to be honest my thoughts have been all over the place as I’ve sifted through the implications of taking your daughter or not taking her. I am going to offer my opinion, but know that I offer it very humbly and with a rather small voice, because it is a complicated question and there is no one right answer.
Departing Addis with Eby and Little Man - March 2007
Today is our fourth Forever day with our four children! Four years ago today, we met them, at two different orphanages, with two different agencies processing our adoptions of three of our children. We met Honeybee that day as well, but had no idea she would later become our daughter.
Isn’t it amazing to consider the way we plan, and prepare, and think we are in charge of our own lives, only to look back and see that we could not have planned this is we had tried?
Have you heard the great news? Empowered to Connect is coming to Denver this April! There aren’t many details yet, but block out the weekend on your calendars.
Thank you to everyone who entered my giveaway for The Connected Child and the companion guide, Created to Connect! I wish I had 79 copies to give away. Rusty is going to help me figure out how many total entries there are and then randomly select the three winners.
Today is Little Man’s birthday! My baby is four. Can I just admit that it is bittersweet for me? He is an amazing little boy, and I love watching him grow up, but he is my last baby, and I love mothering babies.
We celebrated his birthday last night with spaghetti and chocolate cake. He loved his Playdough Ice Cream Factory and his dollar store flashlight and sword. Today he had his birthday cereal and I hope to get some nice photos of him that I will share later.
I’m packing our bags for a trip to Seattle. We usually have therapy appointments on Mondays, but every three months we also have appointments at Seattle Children’s and our clinic only sees patients on Thursday afternoons. I’m picking up Honeybee, Dimples, and their friend Jubilee, after school and heading west.
My heart is broken
My mommy and daddy died
I have a hard life
I have to get used to a new family
I just don’t know it
But God has given me a good family now
I thank God that He has given me a good family
I love my Mom and Dad
The comments to my recent posts on kids and food issues, Making a Food Plan, and That Darn Beef Jerky, have been very interesting and I am enjoying learning from all of you. One comment was so helpful that I decided to feature it so none of you miss it. It is from “C” who writes the blog, By the Way…
When I was working in Ethiopia and told people I was a vegetarian, they either laughed out loud or shrank away in suspicion. At restaurants, waiters wanted to know why I would ask for “peasant food” if I could afford to go out to eat. I was once told that as a “rich American,” I should be eating beef – morning, noon, and night!
In Ethiopia most people live on lentils, chickpea, potato, onion, carrot, beet, and maybe greens or cabbage. Meat is relatively very expensive, and most people eat meat *only when they can afford it.* So, how much meat a family eats is a sign of how well they are doing.
Not many teens get up on a hot Saturday morning and run 12 miles in preparation for a race to benefit orphans. My friend, Signe, has a wonderful daughter who is running a half marathon to raise money for HIV+ children in Ethiopia. Specifically, she is hoping to provide a refrigerator for Lola orphanage and fund a grant for the adoption of an older HIV+ child.
You can donate to her cause with a few clicks through Network for Good. I finally made my donation this morning — with only one week to go until her race, don’t delay if you feel prompted to encourage her and support her cause. Let’s make sure Madison has great success as she chooses to love others more than herself.
This is what Madie had to say on August 2nd (I stole it from her mom’s blog):
“Hey everyone, it’s Madie. I am half way through my training, which means race day is only a month from now. I have raised $220, and I am very grateful to the people who donated and are supporting me in this run. Thank you!
I am running this race because I want to help kids in Ethiopia who don’t have lots of the things they need to live. I have not been to Ethiopia, but I have two adopted siblings that I love very much, and it makes me sad to know that there are many sweet children just like them who don’t have homes or family to love them. While doing my 10 mile run the other day I kept telling myself the goal is to finish without stopping. And then I realized that we often set goals for ourselves, and we think about our future. But these kids don’t really worry about what college they are going to or what they want to be when they grow up, they think of how they are going to get through this day. Someday I hope to go to Ethiopia and actually give some of my time to these kids and help them in their schooling, so that they can set goals for themselves and become doctors or therapists or what ever they choose. My goal for this race is to raise money to help these kids so that they can have a brighter future. ~ Thanks, Madie”
If you would like to donate to Madie’s run you can send a check to From HIV to Home, PO Box 19212, Denver, CO 80219, or give online through the Network for Good page. Let them know it is for Madison’s run.
You can read more about her run on this update and be sure to follow Signe’s blog as race day approaches.
~Lisa
This isn’t a post I thought I would write today, but my heart is very heavy for a special boy and his family. Due to many years of living in an orphanage, he has some behaviors that make it difficult for him to be in a family with younger siblings. My friends adopted him fully intending that they would always be his family; they were committed to him. But they also have a younger son who is vulnerable.
This photo of Dimples was taken the day we met her. You see her surrounded by other children as they play with balloons we carried on our long journey to Ethiopia.
We knew Dimples was ours, but we had no idea that the little girl on the left, now lovingly nicknamed Honeybee, would become our daughter. Honestly, it amazes me to witness the hand of God in our lives. He knew — He really knew that this child who happened to be in front of my camera would be my daughter. I am in awe of this.
One Thankful Mom
