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This morning Little Man woke up with a tummy ache. I’m not sure that his tummy hurt so much as he wanted to sit in the quiet morning with me, snuggled up in my lap, rocking. ¬†We sat in the sunshine, his body curled against mine with his head on my chest, my chin resting on his curls. It was peaceful.

Last week we took a walk to see the neighbor’s horses and he held my hand. His small hand felt so nice in mine and as we strolled along and it occurred to me that this won’t last forever.

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The younger kids and I were supposed to leave for a weekend retreat today. I was a little worried about making the trip without Russ. I’m not sure why; I’ve made this trip many times before. But I’m coming off of a hard stretch and I don’t feel quite as strong and confident as usual. Despite that, we made plans to go because I was certain that once we arrived, the smiles on my kids’ faces would make it all worth it. The super extra blessing was that we were going to spend Sunday with Isaiah, and even see him lead worship that morning.

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Not much time for blogging this morning. I’m headed to Montana with my dear friend, Michele, for a visit with Dimples. We’ll arrive late this afternoon and be with her at the cottage until early evening. Friday is a family day at her program. The morning will be spent with staff and other parents. Michele and I will pick Dimples up from school after lunch and then we’ll join in the family activities for the afternoon and evening.

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Today’s question comes from Bonnie. I loved getting her email and reading her questions. I wish I had been able to ask these of somebody further along in the adoption process when we were at the beginning.

What habits in your heart and home would be useful to form before adopting? I ask this because my husband and I both believe the Lord wants us to have a lifetime of fostering/adopting. As my husband says, “I don’t see us ever retiring to the beach and the golf links. But if over the course of our lives we were privileged to raise, say, 23 kids (bio and adoptive), I’d count that a life well spent.”

DSC02446editsmallHow was Valentine’s Day? We kept ours very low pressure. The girls made cupcakes complete with pink frosting and sprinkles. In the evening, we took four of our youngest kids out to dinner using a gift card we got for Christmas. It’s quite rare for us to take them to a restaurant, and it was a real treat.

When we got home, we found bouquets of carnations, each in its own vase with a handwritten note attached. Samuel had gotten flowers for his younger sisters. I was so touched. The notes were personal and heartfelt – telling them how beautiful and special they are.

 

Sunshine's birthday one week before mine

Sunshine’s birthday – one week before mine

Thank you for all of the wonderful comments on Monday’s post about turning fifty. I am clearly in good company with many of us parenting young children.

A couple of you mentioned simply being grateful for every year, and I agree. As my 50th birthday approached, I found myself thinking of friends who didn’t get to live for 50 years, and how thankful I should be.

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There’s a funny thing about blogging – it’s easy to only write about what you want to share. I was going to let this pass by, but my goal is to embrace a new milestone in my life, so here it is, I turned 50 last month. Yes, fifty, 5-0, fifty, and it feels a little scary to write that.

I’m being vulnerable here, I’m a mommy-blogger, I have a seven-year-old for heaven’s sake! I don’t feel old at all, maybe mid-thirties, but given that Russ and I will have been married 30 years this June, it makes sense that I can’t be 35.

one musical evening - our friend, Katie, Isaiah, Ladybug, and Samuel

one musical evening – our friend Katie, Isaiah, Ladybug, and Samuel

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Russ’ parents, married 63 years today

sun shining on sparkling white snow as it peeks over the hill

laughter and fun with friends

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I’m having a hard time writing lately, perhaps due to a full schedule, possibly due to feeling a little low and wondering if I have anything to say. My local friends would laugh at that, given that if you stopped by for a cup of coffee, I would be able to fill an hour with conversation. I have posts rolling around in my mind, but today I’m going to give a quick family update, because I feel capable of that!

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Do you remember the post I wrote a few days ago about worry, and how I was choosing to trust, even if the plan we had made for one of our children seemed to be falling apart? Well, it did fall apart, and I’m still trusting, but not doing a very good job of it. It’s so much easier to write about it than to do it.

I woke up this morning and within moments, it all came back to me. I lay there with not-so-lovely thoughts swirling through my mind – thoughts that are really rooted in fear. I’ve learned that much. It’s not that I knew with 100% certainty that the plan we were making was the perfect one, although it seemed amazing to us, it’s that now we are back at the beginning with no idea of what to do next.