2007 First Week Home

Dimples has been at her school for four months now.  For the first three months she “honeymooned” and had nearly perfect behavior. We were beginning to wonder if being back in the familiar environment of lots of kids with no parents made her so comfortable that she was never going to exhibit what we experienced at home. She has always done great at school, camp, and other places where no attachment was expected.

Knowing she was only going to be there for a year or so, I felt the clock ticking and wondered how long it would take to get to the heart of her challenges. Three months, she made it nearly three months without much of a hint of trouble. Then the adults there started to matter to her, she was beginning to form some tentative bonds, and the shoe dropped; her closest staff member took a three week vacation.

2008

We had a therapy session with Dimples yesterday and didn’t have to drive 370 miles.  This was the first time we have used Skype to meet with Dimples and her therapist. I wondered if it would be effective, or if it would feel strained or distant. Once we got into the session, the fact that we were seeing each other through our computers no longer mattered. In fact, it was probably the best session we’ve had, not because it felt good – it didn’t.

Last month we had to cancel our trip to visit Dimples. As I talked with her therapist about possibly delaying our visit, I said, “I don’t want to do anything to mess her up or hurt her.”

Her answer was so surprising to me that I wrote it down, and I’ve been mulling it over since.

Shamelessly stealing my kids' FB photos - Hannah's walk to work 4/11.

The days keep flying by, filled with quite a few tough things, to be perfectly honest. I am definitely not loving the way this feels, but I am really loving the Lord and feeling a need to draw closer.

I was pouring a cup of coffee when my friend called. She asked if I had a minute to talk and when I answered, “Yes,” her resolve quickly faded and she began to cry. She told me about a conflict with her newly adopted son that had occurred the night before. Despite her best intentions, she was convinced that she had failed to handle it well. Then she said these words that made me catch my breath – they were all too familiar: “I used to be a good mom.”

We were sitting at the dining room table with friends when the phone rang. I got up to answer and was surprised  to hear Dimples say, “Hi Mom!” She called to wish us Happy Easter. Like every Easter, she knew we had a gathering of friends in our home, and I think she missed being here. This is the first time we’ve had an unplanned call, and it was very sweet for everyone.

Yesterday Eby asked our friend, Emily, if Dimples’ school is like jail. That broke my heart! I thought we had explained things pretty well; we’ve talked about the school, the cottage she lives in with other kids, the gym where she plays basketball, X-country ski trips, and more.

But when you’re seven and your sister goes away, it’s pretty hard to make sense of it. It’s challenging for all of us.