When “She’s so Tall!” is a Problem (part 2)
When “She’s so Tall!” is a Problem (part 1)
My Learning Curve: Is This a Big Problem?
Attachment Help for Parents
10,715 Days
Risk is Right
Date Night Anyone?
Tuesday Topic: How to Prepare for a Child Who is Non-Verbal
Sunday Gratitude
Therapy. It wasn’t good, but I’m of the opinion that hard therapy is better than ho-hum, nothing happens therapy. I don’t want to drive 360 miles and have it all be flat.
So, that’s what I got – a hard therapy session with Dimples. The visit went well until we talked about things that truly matter, then it was just too much and all of the defenses shot up. Being one of the siblings seems to feel okay (at least with the big kids), but being a daughter and having parents is unbearable.
She smiled, she laughed, she even sang along as Isaiah played a borrowed guitar.
Thankfully, we arrived almost on time and even made it before dinner. We walked in as the eight kids and two counselors were having a “check in” time in the family room. They were going around the circle sharing their feelings about the day. Dimples was nervous when we arrived, so we gave her hugs and sat down on the sofa.
2007 First Week Home
Dimples has been at her school for four months now. For the first three months she “honeymooned” and had nearly perfect behavior. We were beginning to wonder if being back in the familiar environment of lots of kids with no parents made her so comfortable that she was never going to exhibit what we experienced at home. She has always done great at school, camp, and other places where no attachment was expected.
Knowing she was only going to be there for a year or so, I felt the clock ticking and wondered how long it would take to get to the heart of her challenges. Three months, she made it nearly three months without much of a hint of trouble. Then the adults there started to matter to her, she was beginning to form some tentative bonds, and the shoe dropped; her closest staff member took a three week vacation.
This week’s Tuesday Topic comes from Lori who asks,
Our son has been home for just over two years and has been diagnosed with ADHD as well as RAD. He also has an extremely high level of anxiety. (He sees a therapist weekly.) We have had so much difficulty with discipline. Our son’s way of coping is to be under the radar. He does not act out, throw tantrums, be aggressive or angry. His tools are manipulation and deception. That makes discipline so very difficult. We rarely catch him in the act – we usually find out what he has done later.
We had a sweet day with Bee yesterday. She was packing and preparing to leave for science camp with her school today, so there was lots to accomplish. I planned to braid her hair in the afternoon, and although you can’t really tell, that is what we are doing in the picture above.
She was very worried that we wouldn’t have the things on her camp packing list. I assured her that her dad used to be a Scoutmaster and her brothers are all Eagle Scouts, so we have just about anything she could possibly need. She was also worried I wouldn’t have time to braid her hair, so I showed her my calendar which had a big block of time set aside.
2008
We had a therapy session with Dimples yesterday and didn’t have to drive 370 miles. This was the first time we have used Skype to meet with Dimples and her therapist. I wondered if it would be effective, or if it would feel strained or distant. Once we got into the session, the fact that we were seeing each other through our computers no longer mattered. In fact, it was probably the best session we’ve had, not because it felt good – it didn’t.
This week’s question comes from Sonya who wrote,
I know my girls were malnourished (both in utero & later) and we have always followed Karyn Purvis’s advice about food….i.e. mostly seeing it as a means to connect & as a way to show them we will meet their needs, etc.
We have two snacks a day, 3 meals & I remind them often of their consistency.
Last month we had to cancel our trip to visit Dimples. As I talked with her therapist about possibly delaying our visit, I said, “I don’t want to do anything to mess her up or hurt her.”
Her answer was so surprising to me that I wrote it down, and I’ve been mulling it over since.
Shamelessly stealing my kids' FB photos - Hannah's walk to work 4/11.
The days keep flying by, filled with quite a few tough things, to be perfectly honest. I am definitely not loving the way this feels, but I am really loving the Lord and feeling a need to draw closer.
I was pouring a cup of coffee when my friend called. She asked if I had a minute to talk and when I answered, “Yes,” her resolve quickly faded and she began to cry. She told me about a conflict with her newly adopted son that had occurred the night before. Despite her best intentions, she was convinced that she had failed to handle it well. Then she said these words that made me catch my breath – they were all too familiar: “I used to be a good mom.”
