We were standing in church singing, our family spread nearly the length of the row. I felt a tap on my back, and turned to see the elderly man behind me leaning forward in his seat. I bent close to hear him speak over the sound of the music. Gesturing toward our girls, he said, “You’re missing one.”
The words were so unexpected that it took me a moment to process. “Do you mean one of our girls?”
“Yes, where is she?”
I hesitated, then spoke into his ear, “She was having a really hard time and we had to take her to a school in Montana to get some help for her.” I backed up enough to see the quizzical expression on his face, then leaned back to his ear and said, “We would be so thankful if you would pray for her and for us.” He nodded.
I turned back and grabbed Russ’ hand as tears filled my eyes. I know that Dimples’ best opportunity to heal is at her school; the continual therapeutic environment is powerful. I believe that this is God’s plan for her, and for us – and He is good.
I still struggle when the unexpected questions come. I recognize that it’s the familiar feeling of shame that washes over me, and I know that doesn’t come for God. I have to remind myself that shame thrives in the presence of secrecy, silence, and judgement. Jesus came to shine light into darkness and to set us free. I need to be free to walk in the life he is giving me, even when it doesn’t feel comfortable and I long for it to be different – the way I want it to be.
It’s the beginning of a new week. Today is Samuel’s birthday, although we celebrated yesterday. I’ll post a birthday picture of him on my FB page later today. Isaiah surprised us by getting a ride over with friends and we are all enjoying having him home. When I went to bed, there was a lot of eating, talking, laughing, and giving of haircuts going on in the kitchen.
I have a conference call for Dimples at 10:00 and a call with her this evening. I think they may finally have all of the locs out of her hair, so I’m looking forward to a hair update. I hope we made the right decision…
Have a great start to your week. What does your day hold?