Last week I asked you to email any questions you had for me – then I didn’t answer a single one. Today I’m going to share one, give my answer, and open it up for you to answer as well.
I am interested to know whether you have always known that Dimples was having trouble attaching. We are about to adopt 3 children from foster care. We feel like one of them has a very good attachment to us (which is strange because she is the oldest and has been here the shortest time). The two younger ones will still go with anyone without fear and I am always more nervous with them in public places because I feel like they would just go off with anyone that tried to take them. We feel like the attachment is building, but it is slow (they have been with us for 1.5 years).
So, to sum it up, how did you know there was a problem? Did you figure it out slowly, or has there always been clear signs?
Within hours of meeting Dimples, we knew we had a problem, but we didn’t know what it was, or how severe it was going to be. We assumed we were seeing behavior problems related to deprivation and fear. She was frenetic, intense, difficult to control, and from the first day, we had to shield the little boys from the intensity of “hugs.” She was also beautiful, affectionate, and eager to have our attention. We could hardly admit to one another that we were worried.
Our challenges were significant from the beginning, although for a long time we thought that by applying everything we had learned, praying for healing, and loving her like crazy, she would heal. It took us 22 months to finally realize that we could not go on living the way we were, and we sought professional help.
Many families don’t have such obvious signs of challenges from the beginning. I hope some of you will weigh in on this and share your experiences. Every story, like every child, is different.
Please take a moment to leave a comment and share your thoughts on this question- we want to hear from you.
Have a great Tuesday, friends. Hannah called early this morning to say that she is coming home for a long weekend in February. After a morning of two little boys squabbling since they got out of bed, that was happy news.
How is your day going?