Our vacation is coming to an end and it has been wonderful. Vacation with kids from the “hard places” is unique and Russ and I have had to adjust our expectations. As structure decreases, anxiety increases, and behavior gets more volatile. We are trying to keep everyone’s hearts filled up with love and wear the kids out on the beach…but we’ve had some tough moments. Fortunately the great moments far outweigh the challenging ones!
Tomorrow Russ and the guys head home while I head to my sister’s as we wait for appointments on Thursday and Friday.
I just finished reading The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook–What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love, and Healing
I wish I had read it sooner. As I seek to understand my children, and other children we know, I want to grasp all that I can. It is enlightening to get a glimpse of the ways the brain is literally shaped and affected by trauma.
This is an engrossing book that grabs you and is hard to put down. While the children’s stories are very sad, most of them are hopeful. I personally found certain chapters hard to read as I thought about my own little ones.
Perry writes:
Troubled children are in some kind of pain — and pain makes people irritable, anxious and aggressive. Only patient, loving, consistent care works; there are no short term miracle cures. (p. 244)
and
I also cannot emphasize enough how important routine and repetition are to recovery…The longer the period of trauma, or the more extreme the trauma, the greater the number of repetitions required to regain balance. (p. 245)
Bruce Perry is a staunch evolutionist, which makes for some interesting thoughts, yet he is offering a great work to the world.
Have you read it? What did you think?
~Lisa
I loved his brain hierarchy discussion. I used it with Buddy and Peanut to explain some of why Princess behaves the way she does. And they actually understood it.
Wow. Sounds powerful. I will have to consider adding it to my always growing reading list. Thank you.
I loved this book. I loved it because it was so real and didn't sugar-coat the problems. Ultimately, it offered hope and bright futures for so many of these traumatized kids.
I thought this book was very helpful, and it helped me understand some of my son's issues related to sensory issues, etc….
Definitely a recommended read!
Lisa H.
I wonder if I can get it for my Nook? I'll find out.
Meanwhile, that is an absolutely lovely picture you have there of your little girl and her daddy. You should get it framed.
oh, for more time to read. It is interesting how you put the experience of your trip…"As structure decreases, anxiety increases, and behavior gets more volatile. "…I just experienced the same this weekend, as we did a camping trip…and called it fun and unfun.
I realize, in even our day to day lives this summer, we have more unstructure than structure. something for me to think about.
Buying it right now. Through your link. Haven't heard of it, but oh, need it. Great post and as always, you and I live somewhat parallel lives and your resources are indispensable! Bless you!
I haven't read it, but I'm putting it on my list. I feel like we flounder from day to day. Would be so good to know where the behavior is coming from and be able to feel for my girls and love them through it!
I thought it was a great book. It was very affirming as a parent that ultimately what children need is healthy families, not a lifetime of therapy. It gave me confidence that loving my adopted kids needs to look like loving my bio kids, I just need to add an extra measure of grace. I didn't find his evolutionary bias overly distracting, since what he was saying was so centered around healthy families, and healthy communities. I would recommend it to anyone who deals with children in any capacity. Sometimes the children you are working with have trauma histories and you don't know it.
Call when you get home.
I love this book!
Read it when it first came out as I am a big fan of Bruce Perry!
I was wondering where this post was going when I read the title and scrolled downand saw the photo of your lovely husband!!! :)
Sandie, that is so funny. Russ said he hoped I would quickly explain the title of the post!
Lisa,
Do you have any recommendations on how to TEACH impulse control to a child who has suffered trauma? Grace (Prim) does not think before she acts in so many situations and I can tell her a million times not to do something and she does it any way regardless of how big or small. She acts according to her "wants" instead of a desire to be obedient. It's like she can't help herself! She is incredibly impulsive and also has a hard time being still in any situation. She doesn't walk. She falls, skips, jumps. I know she's only four but self control is such an important skill for her!
Any suggestions or a good book?
April
I really liked this book. I had a problem with his evolutionary views, but he has got the kids behavior and needs right on. I am not a "structured" person by nature, but we tend to have quite a bit of structure in our house and it helps. Sameness – good sameness, over and over again — it is helping.
DEB
Oh no! Another book on my reading list! Eek! (Really, thanks for the recommendation!)
This is on my "to read" list, thanks for the rec…I will actually get to it now :) One thing I have had to tell myself over and over again is "scared kids do scary things"…it is from "Beyond Consequences"….and it is the story of the last 18 months for us :)
I'm ordering this ASAP. As a former biologist, I have no problem with looking at this from an evolutionary standpoint. In fact, it's helpful and comforting. Thanks for recommending it!
Thanks for the honesty about vacations. One of our daughters has "sabotaged" our vacations for 4 years. Well, to be fair, that means our experience did not meet our own expectations. This year she did much better. I love that quote about the longer the trauma, the more repetitions it takes to gain balance. Frankly vacations are a lot of work because of the diligence necessary when we are out of our routine but hopefully, looking back, all the kids will have broadened their world and have great memories.
Great picture of your daughter smiling from the inside out. Beautiful!