This tip is so simple that I feel a bit sheepish sharing it. It is something I’ve observed our therapist do with Dimples and I have added it to my “Mommy Toolbox”.
When she presents Dimples with two options, she touches first one palm…
…and then the other.
Then she holds out both palms, indicating that Dimples needs to choose between the two options.
When Dimples hesitates, as she most often does, the therapist repeats it one more time. This technique forces her to make a choice rather than argue, debate, or refuse to choose. It is both visual and physical and Dimples generally responds by touching or pointing to the hand with the option she has chosen.
I use this at home with her and often use it with Eby as well. Here is an example of what I might do if she is having a hard time getting along with her siblings:
Dimples, you aren’t able to play happily this morning. Would you like to (touch one palm) sit at the kitchen counter and chew a piece of gum, or (touch the other palm) rock in the rocking chair with me?
She rarely makes a quick choice, so I may repeat (even more simply):
Gum or rock?
At that point she will almost always point to one of my hands. I praise her for making a good choice and then follow through.
Give it a try and let me know if it works for you.
~Lisa
Thank you so much.
It is always the simplest things that are the most effective. Also the things we never think to do ourselves. What a great idea. Im going to put that one in the toolbox also. Thank for sharing. Sandie
i LOVE THIS!!! wow.
I want to express that I think many of us understand the personal nature that these therapy sessions – and that you sharing your perspective and your learning curve as a parent is invaluable to those of us reading. My sincerest Thank You.
I like this and will be trying this soon. I used the 5 min. card with one of my children who argues ALOT. I can tell you, she has really gotten better. But then I used it for my daughter from China and she had a complete 45 min. melt down. (LOL-my learning curve, huh?) Turned out good though, because it gave me the chance to just sit and hold her while she was UPSET, asked little questions and after a time she settled and knew why she had to go to bed 5 min. early. She is my one (a yr in orph. never held, etc.) who has always pushed away for hugs, etc. Even though she kept her back to me while I held her I could tell it was good for me to do this…
sorry this is so long, just wanted to let you know I am thankful for your post on this subject!
loves,
Shonni
Thanks for another good tip that we will undoubtedly be using. Many others that you have written about have been implemented as well.
Thanks again, we lean on your blog quite a bit.
Matt
Ritzmann family
Wow Lisa! Simple and cool!
We'll be using this.
Julie
Thank you for sharing this tip – so simple, yet I can see how effective it will be! Nearly 35 years of parenting under my belt and this one never occurred to me! I can't wait to try it!
Lisa,
Thank you so much for all of these wonderful tips! I have learned so much from your blog!
Very effective, because it returns some control to the child. Wondering what you do when they will not choose between either option? How many times do you ask them to choose, and then what do you do next? This has been the case for us several times. It's been getting better (home for 6 weeks) but some times she will absolutely not respond. Any suggestions?
Becky,
I don't know what our therapist would say, but I generally state the options twice, then wait in silence for a moment. Then I say, "If you aren't able to choose, I will help you and choose for you." That generally provokes a response. But sometimes not even the best techniques work and then I wing it.
Lisa
Simple is great! I love this.
wow. thanks for sharing that!
I love this tip; thanks for sharing it! And sometimes the simplest tips are the best, so don't feel sheepish at all! :)
I explained this to my husband tonight as we were in the midst of dealing with our 2 yr old kept asking dessert before finishing her meal. He put out his hands, gave her the options, and said "finish dinner and then eat dessert, or go to bed now with no more food or dessert?" She quickly said "dinner" and finished her meal without issue. Magic! We will definitely be using this one again.
If I'm not mistaken, this is the sign for Jesus in sign language.
yup, it is the sign for Jesus.