Dimples and Eby had appointments with our therapist on Monday. One thing I love about Deborah is that she is so practical. She shows us how to use our bodies (remember the hands for making choices?), use phrases (“Got it?”), and create practical helps for our children. I listen so intently during our sessions that I often have a headache when we are done. Then I scribble notes to myself in the hope that I will remember a good portion of what she has taught us.
One of our Therapy Tasks is to take a picture of us with Eby, print a few copies, and laminate them. One will be hung next to his bed, another will be pinned inside his tent where he sleeps, and another will have a cord put through it for him to wear around his neck during the day. Anytime he is worried that we are going to “go away”, he’ll have a visual cue to remind him that Mommy and Daddy love him and we will always be his parents.
Although he hasn’t verbalize the details of the story, he remembers losing his mother. One day, in a very sad and insightful conversation, he told me that he is afraid I am going to die. When this theme comes up, I reassure him with as much confidence as I can, that I am healthy and strong and that I plan to be with him until he is a grown up man himself.
When he goes to bed, I tell him that I will be here in the morning. If I know that I am going to be out running when he gets up, I tell him that I will not be in my bed, but I will be home by 7:00. Or, I tell him I will be in the garage running on my treadmill. I try to be specific. I also always say goodbye to him if I run out, even for a quick errand, and tell him when I think I will be back. He needs to feel secure and know that I will not disappear.
We hope that having a picture to wear, as well as pictures by his bed, will increase his feelings of security and belonging. Most days I wear a cross because I want to be reminded that I belong to Jesus. I also wear my wedding band because I belong to Russ and he belongs to me. Now Eby will have something to wear to remind him that we love him, he belongs to us and we belong to him. We’re wearing love.