I’m on a educational journey, and I hope you don’t mind coming along for the ride. Spending a weekend in Dimples’ cottage, where every moment is part of therapy, gave me opportunities to observe. I watched the staff working with the other kids, interacting with each other, and was aware of how they interacted with us. It was warm, direct, intense at times, and always focused on healing.
As usual, I have so much to say, but let me share one tip we observed and are implementing at home, particularly with Eby and Little Man. When things get chaotic, or a child is out of control, we’re saying, “Take a seat.” All of the kids in the room are required to sit down on the floor where they are, cross-legged with hands in their laps. For me, this is a way of saying, “Hold on, things are getting crazy, sit down and pause while we regain some calm.”
We practiced this last night with all of the younger kids, and in my first day of applying it, I said, “Take a seat,” four times. Only once did I have everyone sit, the other three times the phrase was intended for Eby who gets incredibly dysregulated in a very short amount of time. We’ve neglected so much of his behavior as we’ve struggled with Dimples, and now, the focus is on him. Obviously, we’re doing therapeutic parenting with Bee, and the rest of the crew, but it is imperative that we work with Eby.
Tonight at dinner, Eby was disrespectful as we came to the table. “Try that again with respect,” led to a disrespectful face, which led to “Take a seat.” He sat down and waited there while we served dinner, then joined us at the table a few minutes later when he was calm.
Give it a whirl and let me know how it goes with your crew.
I’m off to Spokane with Ladybug and Sunshine for orthodontist appointments. The little boys are coming along for the ride, and I’m wondering if either of them will need to “Take a seat” in the office. It remains to be seen.
Have a great day.
Lisa
I call it "criss-cross, applesauce, spoons (hands) in the bowl," which is what they did in preschool and pre-K. It's how they transitioned the kids from one activity to another –everyone had to be quiet and calm before they would move on. Interestingly, I often see T start yawning and otherwise unprompted start in with deep breathing as well. It works here. The most calming thing is for me to sit down and read him a book, but that's not always possible when dinner is burning on the stove. So criss-cross applesauce it is.
sounds like a great plan, we often use something like that, where we have them "pause", hold their pose, take a few deep breaths and relax. At first it seemed strange, and I had to actually help Amelia figure out how to expand her chest and take deep breaths, but now, just the "pause" works well. It uses energy to organize yourself into calm, this allows them the space to do that!
Good job, cannot wait to hear what else you learned while there!
Great idea! We use "try that with respect please" all the time in our house but catching over-stimulation before it happens is so important! I can't wait to try "take a seat" at home!
I like this one. I'm giving it a try today!
I've done that with our son, too, and he's able to refocus very quickly. Recently, though, I heard about "strong sitting." It helps reorganzie the brain. Here's a video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X37QAEz0PHY
Karen, we've been using some strong sitting as well, but for a different purpose, more like exercise, when I'm reading aloud or doing a quiet activity with the kids. I don't want to use strong sitting for discipline. It's good stuff.
Thank you! I know I will be trying this today. So simple, but so powerful.
Wow…great stuff. And just a great example of how the Holy Spirit is with me in the journey even when I am totally clueless……we've been doing this with all our girls, not because we knew to do it or anything, but somehow it just 'happened' that we'd tell them "sit down over here for a breather" before we'd address 'craziness' as we call it. I'm sure I've felt guilty at some time or another for it (ha! it's where I spend my time…guilt!;>) but so glad to know I've been doing something therapeutic and I didn't even know it! Thanks Jesus for covering me!!
Katie
heck yah! love this one! thank you for the reminder of the goal.
Thank you so much for sharing some of what you learned this weekend. We are always happy to learn anything that seems to work for somebody!
Blessings on your family as you continue to walk this long, educational path.
i love that. i can guarantee it will be used before the day is over! thank you!!
We do that, Lisa. It works well for us most of the time.
Brilliant! I found out by mistake one day that sitting down works. Asking my son, "do you need to do sitting?" is usually enough to change his behaviour lol. When he does something wrong, he'll turn to me and say, "No sitting!" As he has gotten bigger we moved sitting time to the stairs (very central in our house) Hardly need to use it any more and now it's more of a game than anything.
We have a similar instruction – grab a book and take a seat – I use it about twice a day when things get a little wild with our crew. And every one of them appreciates the reset opportunity,
I like that better than, "Sit on your bed", since… ahem… I've been known to get distracted and forget said child is taking a breather.
We may just try it.
Right now, my child is so defiant that if I were to ask him to take a seat…he'd mouth back and refuse. Any suggestions to even gain a tinsy weensy degree of cooperation?
That is so tough, Emily. This would not have worked with Dimples – no doubt about it. There are so many parenting skills and techniques that will work if we have even a little bit of attachment and a child who is capable of regulation some of the time. Eby is that kid. I feel your pain, I really do.
I could hear Dr. Purvis saying that when I read, "Try that again with respect", but I think you forgot the "cowboy" part :-) I LOVE reading everything you're learning Lisa! I met you at the first ETC conference in Denver, I was helping hand out fliers. We had a foster daughter, our first, and my husband was in a PhD program (still is :-) She was so young at the time, but I knew I would be needing this. She was returned to her bio mom, but we just got her back 3 weeks ago. I was thrown into attachment and trauma unlike I ever thought I would be. So, thank you for sharing what you're learning and walking this road before me.
Thank you for this. I haven't heard it before. We'll give it a try..