Ajay asked:
I have a little one from Soddo and my husband and I are praying about an older sibling group. We have not yet started the process with an older sibling group as we want to prepare and educate ourselves more first. I’ve read a few of the books on these recommended list. Do you know of any good books relating specifically to an international adoption of older child sibling groups? What would be your “top read” for someone in my situation.
The photo of the books currently on my desk may answer the question best. I took it a few moments ago and it is just the way my desk looks. These are the books I keep returning to, or am reading now.
I don’t know specifically of a book about adopting an older sibling group, but if I had to choose my top adoption/attachment books, they would be:
Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray
Nurturing Adoptions by Deborah Gray
The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis
Toddler Adoption: The Weaver’s Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best
Nurturing Adoptions is long and has a lot of information for professionals, so you have to read through it focusing on what is important to you. It is also very focused on attachment and trauma, so it may not be as useful to some families, but for those of us with children who are struggling, it is a great book.
I also highly recommend:
Hold On To Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate
While it is not an adoption book, it is one of the best books I have ever read about raising children to be well attached to their families rather than their peers. It is a must read if your children are nearing adolescence!
Two other books on my desk are:
Adopting the Hurt Child
Parenting the Hurt Child
Both are by Keck and Kupecky. These were sent to me by a good friend who has walked the road of parenting a traumatized child. I originally began reading Adopting the Hurt Child and then noticed that Parenting the Hurt Child was published more recently, so I picked up that one instead. Since I’ve skipped around a lot and finally started reading it sequentially, I can’t recommend it yet, but I have heard many good things about both books.
If you have a book that you would recommend to Ajay, please leave a comment and I will post them later this week.
Like the High School Musical song (that my girls love to sing) says, “We’re all in this together”.
~Lisa
We DID adopt an older sibling group and I looked for resources on that subject and never have found anything specific to that.
What has been most helpful to me has been relationships with other families who have adopted older kids or sibling groups.
There was a good list of issues you might face in adopting an older sibling group at I'm Ghana Adopt – a blog that is in the blog list on this site.
I think you find out what issues you are facing and then you research and dig like crazy to find what you need to deal with them.
Don't let the list scare you, but it is best to be prepared ahead of time. There is power in knowledge.
Good list, Lisa. I also really liked Deborah Gray's "Attaching in Adoption." And I want to read "The Connected Child".
I would put at the top of my list Heather T. Forbes' "Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control" series. Her books have been a godsend to me. They really deal with the heart of the matter.
Blessings,
Julie
I have to echo the connected child, my all time favorite! And Karyn Purvis' vidoes..tell her about the vidoes. :)
Thank you so much for your reply! I've read the "Attaching in Adoption" although I'm sure I could glean more reading again with an older sibling group in mind. The other book suggestions sound great and I appreciate the advice. I just read through one called "The older child", but I was hoping for more international issues that we'll be facing. I appreciate your blog recommendations too! It seems like this is the best way to get practical and specific advice from families who have been there and done that! You all need to get together and compile a book on international older child adoptions and sibling groups! The book as of now doesn't seem to exist!
Thanks again so much! Blessings to you and your beautiful family. I'll continue to learn from YOUR blog! Thanks!