Home again, home again, and I had so much to write about…but then reality struck and we had a bad day. Maybe it was only a bad afternoon or a bad few hours, but it was such a dramatic failure that I felt as if I had been kicked in the stomach.
Things have settled down now and the kids are watching a show while I cook dinner, but the sadness and discouragement are lingering around me. This post is my pep talk to myself, and to any of you who have experienced a dramatic failure with your child. Parenting children who have experienced trauma is hard and fatiguing; we grow weary and we feel alone. Trust me, you are not alone.
In the past, a day like this would create fear in my heart. My mind would fill with thoughts like, “What have we done? Will our family be okay? Will we ever be happy again? Can I be a good mom to this child? What should we do? Where can we find help? How are we going to make it through this?” The more I let these thoughts run wild, the bigger my worries grew and the worse I became at keeping myself calm in the midst of parenting.
Now when these thoughts begin to fill my mind, I take a deep breath (like the one I’m taking right now – go ahead, you can take one too) and I choose to believe in the power of God to heal. God gave these precious children to Russ and me for a purpose, and His purposes are always good.
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. Ps. 56:3
~Lisa
Hang in there Lisa, you are doing well and so are the kids. Grab some bubble gum, and call your friends for back up :)
She finally fell asleep, with a big wad of Double Bubble in her mouth. I was sure it would end up in her hair, but I didn't dare wake her.
thank you for sharing…i needed your words and your example today.
Praying for you. Thanks for sharing.
At times like this, I reach for my dog-eared copy of Thich Nat Hanh's Peace is Every Step….I recommend it. and bubble gum too of course. SPD
Oh Lisa, sometimes I wonder how we all live through it. By the grace of God I imagine.
I am praying for your family,
Kris
Thank you for sharing your heart. As always you share something that needs to be heard. There are so many days when I wonder some of those same things. And then there are days when I see such beauty. You are right, our God is a big God! And He wants both you and your children to be healed.
You are in my prayers!
Andrea
Keep clinging to and claiming His precious promises!
Thanks for sharing the ups and the downs. It keeps us all from feeling as though we are the only ones!!
From another Mom who has been there!
Delight in Him–
Thank you so much for your honesty, then we all know exactly hoe to pray for you and your family! :)
Thanks for adding that scripture at the end…it's just what we all need.
Blessings,
Chris in Auburn
I think we have found ourselves in the same place this week. I also blogged about it. You have to look a couple of posts back though.
Blessings to you,
Julie
My wife and I really appreciate your blog. It is comforting to know that we are not the only family dealing with the same emotions that you are. Thank you for writing so candidly.
Matt and Sara
http://www.abrotherforlleyton.blogspot.com
Thank you for sharing! I needed it today when everythingor atleast a couple of hours, as you said!
Continuing to pray for you Lisa. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. You are having a ministry to so many of us struggling through post-adoption adjustments.
Sheri
Thank you for you honesty. Sometimes the adoption blog world is too cute and perfect. Your real struggles and real calls to God are refreshing.
Even in your darkest moments Lisa you still give to other people by sharing on this blog. My heart felt thanks ….I dont know if you realise just how much it means sometimes. XX Sandie
Today … I want to crawl back under my covers and forget about the parenting crisis that we are trying to navigate.
Today … I don't see how God can possibly heal our very hurting and broken child.
Thanks for being honest.
Laurel
Lisa- Up till now, I've been a silent observer of your family. But this post stayed with me for days. So few will tell of the hard days, and it can leave us feeling alone when times turn bad. How many times I have uttered just those thoughts. Thank you SO much for sharing! It means the world.
We adopted 2 special needs little ones almost a year ago and although it led me closer to His path, it often led me to confusion and angst. Surrender to His plan has of course been the answer, but sometimes my mortal fear creeps back in.
I'll continue to follow your journey and be inspired by its "realness."
Nancy
Mama of 6
Thank you Lisa, for sharing so honestly,praying for you.